Help How do I Speedrun moving on from a crush?

[Dr Iron Arc]

Well it's time for this thread. I put it in recovery because technically it could help me but I still have CTB as an option on the table in case this fails or leads to something worse than failure.

Basically I decided to go back on quitting my job and will stay but going forward I want to at least reduce the awkwardness between me and my crush and apparently from what I've heard that's all she wants as well. Even though she might not feel the same way about me she apparently wants to become friends with me or at least amicable coworkers. As shocking as that is given how evil I am, I really do want to try to at least make her wish possible by working and reducing the awkwardness by getting over her and seeing her as just another person.

Unfortunately, moving on is impossible for me, at least within a reasonable time frame. The last time I liked someone this much was almost 9 years ago. I don't have another 9 years to move on. Being a 39 year old kissless dateless virgin sounds even worse than being a 30 year old inexperienced loser.

So my question to you, the viewer, is how do I move on? Keep in mind I'm the kind of sucker that cannot move until I have somewhere to move to. I am already too scared and nervous to really talk to my crush much, how can I even hope to conquer any amount of fear? How do I find someone else in such a short time span?

I will also refuse to accept stupid cliche answers like "go to the gym bro" or "get on the dating apps bro" or "learn to love yourself first", "go to therapy," etc. All of those are things I've already tried and with zero success. In some cases, these things just made it worse.

Theoretically if I did find someone new who actually likes me this time I would hope I could move on easily from my current crush but maybe I really can't and this is another fruitless pointless recovery thread by me.

 

[surroundedbydemons]

So my question to you, the viewer, is how do I move on? Keep in mind I'm the kind of sucker that cannot move until I have somewhere to move to. I am already too scared and nervous to really talk to my crush much, how can I even hope to conquer any amount of fear? How do I find someone else in such a short time span?

You've kind of answered your own question — finding a replacement can help. There are 4b females (or 8b people if you swing both ways), so try talking to others and see if something develops. Also, put yourself out there more so others can see you (not on dating apps, where you won't get to choose; only women do, you will at most get to settle).
Invest in yourself (your looks); people do not care about the substance.

Does this help in any way?

~~~
Therapy/gym/"loving yourself" are cope for losers, agree.

 

[Ambivalent1]

By finding another

 

[wCvML2]

Maybe this is bs advice because I still needed time to pass regardless to fully move on but I'll explain it anyways. To move on from past crushes I analyzed which specific attributes attracted me towards them and tried implanting or embodying them in myself to not feel any sort of deprivation. For example, if I was attracted to the attribute 'funny' in someone, it reflected how stressed I was at the time and how my subconscious mind wanted to balance out my life by using that person to include more humor in my own life. To move on, I had to implement whatever thing that attracted me towards them in another way that doesn't involve them, and in this case I watched more light hearted tv shows such as 'friends' or 'community' in my spare time. By filling in the void that made you experience the crush you might be able to move on quicker.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Maybe this is bs advice because I still needed time to pass regardless to fully move on but I'll explain it anyways. To move on from past crushes I analyzed which specific attributes attracted me towards them and tried implanting or embodying them in myself to not feel any sort of deprivation. For example, if I was attracted to the attribute 'funny' in someone, it reflected how stressed I was at the time and how my subconscious mind wanted to balance out my life by using that person to include more humor in my own life. To move on, I had to implement whatever thing that attracted me towards them in another way that doesn't involve them, and in this case I watched more light hearted tv shows such as 'friends' or 'community' in my spare time. By filling in the void that made you experience the crush you might be able to move on quicker.

This is really good stuff. I think what attracted me to her at first besides her physical traits was her interest in music. I guess that already makes me doomed on arrival because I only listen to video game music but I think at the time I thought maybe it would be really nice if I could be with someone who I can share my tastes with and since she studies music in college she'd potentially be more open minded than an average person would. Maybe she could have even recommended me more mainstream stuff too.

Unfortunately another reason I think I came to like her was because I thought she was showing signs of liking me first. I guess I was wrong but I have no idea how to intentionally go for this in the future. I guess I'm attracted when someone shows interest in me. Who knew? :/

You've kind of answered your own question — finding a replacement can help. There are 4b females (or 8b people if you swing both ways), so try talking to others and see if something develops. Also, put yourself out there more so others can see you (not on dating apps, where you won't get to choose; only women do, you will at most get to settle).
Invest in yourself (your looks); people do not care about the substance.

People already say my looks are pretty good (though I disagree). I don't think changing my looks will change my confidence, or lack thereof, which I'm sure is partly the real reason I've been single my whole life. I'm also pretty bad at talking to strangers until they talk to me.

 

[surroundedbydemons]

I don't think changing my looks will change my confidence, or lack thereof, which I'm sure is partly the real reason I've been single my whole life. I'm also pretty bad at talking to strangers until they talk to me.

You can display something that reflects your interests, like a Muppets phone case or a pin. This signals your interests to others, and they might approach you because of it.

You can also showcase your resources, such as money, cars, watches, restaurants, or trips. The more impressive, the better. (I'm exaggerating a bit, but you get the point.) People naturally gravitate toward those who have something they desire.

People already say my looks are pretty good (though I disagree)

Do those people have any reason to lie to you? People can be insincere.
if you're not a model or an influencer making money off your looks, it's possible you're just average.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

You can display something that reflects your interests, like a Muppets phone case or a pin. This signals your interests to others, and they might approach you because of it.

I surprisingly don't have much Muppets merch but I do wear a lot of Sonic related clothing when I can but all of my interests are pretty geared towards kids so I doubt they'd be helpful in that regard.

You can also showcase your resources, such as money, cars, watches, restaurants, or trips. The more impressive, the better. (I'm exaggerating a bit, but you get the point.) People naturally gravitate toward those who have something they desire.

Unfortunately I don't have much to flex in this regard either. I'm probably better off than the average American but that's basically poverty for the average Silicon Valley Californian, which is where I live. Around here six figures is middle class and I definitely make less than that.

Do those people have any reason to lie to you? People can be insincere.
if you're not a model or an influencer making money off your looks, it's possible you're just average.

I don't know if they're lying on purpose. They very well could be. It's more likely they're just too stupid to notice all my physical flaws. I think my chances would honestly be better if I really were average In looks. Literally the only thing I can't contest about my appearance is my 6 ft in height but even that can still be overshadowed by having other taller people around me.

 

[surroundedbydemons]

all of my interests are pretty geared towards kids so I doubt they'd be helpful in that regard.

What makes you think adults do not enjoy sonic?
You want to attract someone with the same interests as you. Just don't go overboard with the merch.

I don't know if they're lying on purpose.

If they are in your close circle, they are most definitely lying.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

What makes you think adults do not enjoy sonic?
You want to attract someone with the same interests as you. Just don't go overboard with the merch.

Idk I think from my perspective even I would be sus of someone wearing all the things I like so I still wouldn't approach them. I don't really dress to be approached in general though.

If they are in your close circle, they are most definitely lying.

Yeah true. Don't know why they'd feel the need to lie though. I get told similar things from people I'm less close to though like coworkers or even people I've met for the first time have instantly complimented my appearance for some reason. Maybe they're all in on the plot though.

 

[surroundedbydemons]

Idk I think from my perspective even I would be sus of someone wearing all the things I like so I still wouldn't approach them.

To catch a thief, you must think like a thief.

You can try it and see if it makes a difference (in terms of engagement).

 

[DepressedDude]

So my question to you, the viewer, is how do I move on? Keep in mind I'm the kind of sucker that cannot move until I have somewhere to move to. I am already too scared and nervous to really talk to my crush much, how can I even hope to conquer any amount of fear? How do I find someone else in such a short time span?

Strip club?

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Strip club?

I don't really see how that's going to help me though it is something that has been suggested to me before.

 

[DepressedDude]

I don't really see how that's going to help me though it is something that has been suggested to me before.

Have you been there before?

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Have you been there before?

No but I imagine it would be quite awkward going there whether I'm alone or with friends and I don't see how paying to see women I can't even touch and feel no emotional attachment towards is going to help me move on either. Even if I found anyone there physically attractive that just might make me feel more lonely somehow.

 

[Crash_Bash_Dash]

Let the time pass and forget it with escapism. When it comes to your mind, think she wasn't for you in the first place if she wasn't interested in you in the first place.

Somebody already suggested it but trying to find another is good choice too. Having a hobby with some interaction irl if energy/motivation/money might help with finding another woman. I don't know what your true interests are (besides from films/animation/writing maybe, am I right?) but you could search for a local community for your interests from internet and start there. There might be a chance for meeting women there (though it might be harder in some cases like video games etc.) If you happen to live in or nearby a city, there's a chance you could find a community for niche/specific topic of interest too.

Maybe not the best advices but hope something helps you out!

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Let the time pass and forget it with escapism. When it comes to your mind, think she wasn't for you in the first place if she wasn't interested in you in the first place.

The minimum time that will need to pass by waiting is eight years and I just don't have that much time I can hardly even bear a few weeks of this.

Somebody already suggested it but trying to find another is good choice too. Having a hobby with some interaction irl if energy/motivation/money might help with finding another woman. I don't know what your true interests are (besides from films/animation/writing maybe, am I right?) but you could search for a local community for your interests from internet and start there. There might be a chance for meeting women there (though it might be harder in some cases like video games etc.) If you happen to live in or nearby a city, there's a chance you could find a community for niche/specific topic of interest too.

Maybe not the best advices but hope something helps you out!

Yeah I tried to get into rollerblading but it turns out I'm not physically capable of it at all plus I don't have enough time to go out much because when I'm not at work I'm forced to stay and care for my mentally disabled sister. And even when I'm free from her, I end up just being so tired I can't manage much besides hanging out with friends and playing video games.

You're right that my hobbies are mostly just consuming games, shows, and movies. I've dabbled in writing and drawing and even music making but I genuinely suck and lack the mental capacity to take it further.

Getting into a community with the intent of finding a lady to move onto also sounds really suspicious too so I don't think I'll be able to do that.