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Ambivalent1

Ambivalent1

Death is white, not darkness.
Apr 17, 2023
3,232
My greatest wish is for connection. I was talking to my pharmacist the other day who is normally mean but she's gotten nicer recently. Talking with her was great but it was also painful because it reminded me of what I crave but can't have. Someone like her makes six figures and I'm on disability. Being attractive isn't good enough once you hit your 30s. I feel like my desire can't be achieved so I wonder why I keep torturing myself by living.

I try and remind myself that once I'm dead I won't care anymore about any unfulfilled wants or desires but that means nothing to a brain that is very much alive and feels tortured.
 
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Ambivalent1

Ambivalent1

Death is white, not darkness.
Apr 17, 2023
3,232
No responses. What do I care about a thumbs up and other reactions?
 
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Oathkeeper

Oathkeeper

Member
Nov 1, 2023
65
My two cents is that if you need reassurance from other people on the finality of death, you may still have some unfinished business on this planet.

Sorry to hear about your disability.

Best wishes no matter what you choose.
 
Ambivalent1

Ambivalent1

Death is white, not darkness.
Apr 17, 2023
3,232
My two cents is that if you need reassurance from other people on the finality of death, you may still have some unfinished business on this planet.

Sorry to hear about your disability.

Best wishes no matter what you choose.
To accrue more pain from not getting what I want seems to be all that remains
 

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