Help How do I recover?

[cloudnone]

Hello all,

I don't really know how to introduce myself on a platform like this. Hi, I'm cloudnone and I've wanted to CTB since 2016, but got in a relationship that kept me going until now, which ended about a month ago. Something like that?

Anyway. I need to try to recover. And I don't know where to start. I can't recall a point in my life where I have ever been happy for more than a week, I have pretty much no friends and I'm in constant pain, I was mentally and physically abused as a child which has obviously led to a lot of traumas. Where does someone like me start as far as recovery? Can someone even recover from something like this?

I guess it's a broad question, really. Any advice is appreciated.

 

[Sensei]

I think that all people potentially can recover, but some obviously have better odds than others. You struggle with many problems and perhaps it's best to deal with them one at a time. Have you tried psychotherapy to deal with your childhood trauma? It's not a wonder cure, but it does help some people.

 

[WornOutLife]

First of all, welcome to this lovely community!
We'll do our best to help you!! I'm still alive thanks to SS so, it might really be good for you to be here!

As for the recovery...

Well, I'm in recovery but lemme tell you this: there's no magic trick; RECOVERY A DAILY FIGHT!!!!

However, I'm basically a normal and producitve person again. Some people are even proud of me!!!

But guess what? I used to be a NEET!! Yes!! As soon as I turned 30, my depression wasso bad that I stopped working and just became a shut-in! My parents didn't know what to do with me but still allowed me to keep on living alone and then, during the third year of being a NEET, I tried to ctb and obviously failed. That's not the worst part, though. Why? Because I almost ended up in a psych ward!!
Instead, I was in a coma for 2 days, 1 month in hospital (got even covid there) and 5 months as a PRISONER in my parents' house!!

Why am I telling you all this? Just to show you that failing sucks and recovery sounds better.

So, your question might be. "How the f*ck did u recover and were you free again bruh?" and here I go haha:

I started from baby steps to giant strides.
What do I mean?
Just start doing basic, simple and silly stuff such as taking a shower and cleaning your room every single day. Dirt is not good. You gotta turn the environment around you into something nicer and cleaner as soon as possible.

Meanwhile, ignore university or work. Just focus on finding A HOBBY!!! Yes, this is VERY IMPORTANT!!!!!!!
Hobbies give you a reason to keep on living.
For instance, I've been learning japanese for over a year and wanna learn even more so, it's like some kind of goal which is keeping me on this planet!

Don't tell me something like "Nothing gives me joy..."
There are lots of things which will give you show but, YOU GOTTA FIND THEM!!!

Then, working, studying, dating, or whatever stuff a normal person does, will be possible to do for you too sooner or later.

Mind you! You will still be suicidal. I think people like us will always be like that.
Nevertheless, it's not impossible to live with that.

I don't know if I'll ctb or not but I'm really doing my best to live for now!

Hugs,

Matt

 

[Beachedwhale]

First of all, welcome to this lovely community!
We'll do our best to help you!! I'm still alive thanks to SS so, it might really be good for you to be here!

As for the recovery...

Well, I'm in recovery but lemme tell you this: there's no magic trick; RECOVERY A DAILY FIGHT!!!!

However, I'm basically a normal and producitve person again. Some people are even proud of me!!!

But guess what? I used to be a NEET!! Yes!! As soon as I turned 30, my depression wasso bad that I stopped working and just became a shut-in! My parents didn't know what to do with me but still allowed me to keep on living alone and then, during the third year of being a NEET, I tried to ctb and obviously failed. That's not the worst part, though. Why? Because I almost ended up in a psych ward!!
Instead, I was in a coma for 2 days, 1 month in hospital (got even covid there) and 5 months as a PRISONER in my parents' house!!

Why am I telling you all this? Just to show you that failing sucks and recovery sounds better.

So, your question might be. "How the f*ck did u recover and were you free again bruh?" and here I go haha:

I started from baby steps to giant strides.
What do I mean?
Just start doing basic, simple and silly stuff such as taking a shower and cleaning your room every single day. Dirt is not good. You gotta turn the environment around you into something nicer and cleaner as soon as possible.

Meanwhile, ignore university or work. Just focus on finding A HOBBY!!! Yes, this is VERY IMPORTANT!!!!!!!
Hobbies give you a reason to keep on living.
For instance, I've been learning japanese for over a year and wanna learn even more so, it's like some kind of goal which is keeping me on this planet!

Don't tell me something like "Nothing gives me joy..."
There are lots of things which will give you show but, YOU GOTTA FIND THEM!!!

Then, working, studying, dating, or whatever stuff a normal person does, will be possible to do for you too sooner or later.

Mind you! You will still be suicidal. I think people like us will always be like that.
Nevertheless, it's not impossible to live with that.

I don't know if I'll ctb or not but I'm really doing my best to live for now!

Hugs,

Matt

Thank you so much Matt. You are truly a blessing on here. My new hobby is to get fit as fuck!

 

[everydayiloveyou]

1) Start taking care of yourself. You might not need to do this, but sometimes when people are really depressed, they neglect their basic needs.

Shower every single day, twice if you sweat a lot. Wear deordorant, get a haircut/trim, do your laundry weekly and don't reuse dirty clothes. Get your yearly checkup if you haven't already, clean your room thoroughly. Eat healthily and whenever you feel hungry. Go outside at least once a week, preferably more often of course, and do exercise a couple times per week if you are able to.

Sleep at least 8 hours per day, try to be asleep while the sun is down and wake up when there's light outside. Use a seasonal affective disorder lamp in the mornings and get blackout curtains for the nights if you live somewhere where the sun does not come out for part of the year.

2) You need to be financially secure and independent, or it's easy to slip back into lack of hygiene/health! Get a job if you don't have one already. You can pretty much get any minimum wage job if you have done #1. Don't quit after a month, aim to maintain consistent employment and only quit if you have a better opportunity lined up, such as a job closer to home, school, or an apprenticeship or whatever.

Alternatively, go to school. The point is to have somewhere to go for part of the day. If you have a tumultuous home life, you'll get lots of stress lifted off your shoulders if you're at work or school all day. You also get a sense of purpose and responsibility this way too. It can help reduce suicidal thoughts if you you have a goal for the day, since you won't be alone at home thinking deeply about the bad things in life.

3) When you've saved money, and when you feel commited to changing, see a therapist. If you're a student you can do this for free through your school's counselling services.

You need to be open to challenging your thoughts and trying medication if you haven't already. Don't be afraid to switch therapists if you don't like the first person you see. The therapeutic relationship contributes to like 90% of a treatment's success. If you don't trust your therapist for example, then they will not know enough about you to help.

From there it will be up to you, hopefully you'll have more clear goals for yourself then (e.g. be more outgoing, stop cutting, finish your degree, get a sales job, etc).

How you move forward will depend on your specific condition and circumstances. So if you struggle with anxiety, a good thing to try is journalling every day and reviewing your journals for cognitive distortions after a few days. But if you deal with depression more, you might need to focus on day-to-day things like going outside every day, picking up a hobby, taking your meds, etc.

As others have said, once you start recovery it will never stop. It's a constant battle! But it will get easier overtime, and the important part is improving your quality of life, so that mental illness no longer rules your life.

 

[justsayin]

Anyway. I need to try to recover. And I don't know where to start. I can't recall a point in my life where I have ever been happy for more than a week, I have pretty much no friends and I'm in constant pain, I was mentally and physically abused as a child which has obviously led to a lot of traumas. Where does someone like me start as far as recovery? Can someone even recover from something like this?

You can start by talking about things that trouble you. It makes coping a bit easier and also helps in identifying the problems (which is a first step in search for solutions).

I guess it's a broad question, really. Any advice is appreciated.

In that case here are some:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/words-of-wisdom.65869/

 

[cloudnone]

I think that all people potentially can recover, but some obviously have better odds than others. You struggle with many problems and perhaps it's best to deal with them one at a time. Have you tried psychotherapy to deal with your childhood trauma? It's not a wonder cure, but it does help some people.

I haven't. Unfortunately I'm not very well off, so I can't really afford it.

First of all, welcome to this lovely community!
We'll do our best to help you!! I'm still alive thanks to SS so, it might really be good for you to be here!

As for the recovery...

Well, I'm in recovery but lemme tell you this: there's no magic trick; RECOVERY A DAILY FIGHT!!!!

However, I'm basically a normal and producitve person again. Some people are even proud of me!!!

But guess what? I used to be a NEET!! Yes!! As soon as I turned 30, my depression wasso bad that I stopped working and just became a shut-in! My parents didn't know what to do with me but still allowed me to keep on living alone and then, during the third year of being a NEET, I tried to ctb and obviously failed. That's not the worst part, though. Why? Because I almost ended up in a psych ward!!
Instead, I was in a coma for 2 days, 1 month in hospital (got even covid there) and 5 months as a PRISONER in my parents' house!!

Why am I telling you all this? Just to show you that failing sucks and recovery sounds better.

So, your question might be. "How the f*ck did u recover and were you free again bruh?" and here I go haha:

I started from baby steps to giant strides.
What do I mean?
Just start doing basic, simple and silly stuff such as taking a shower and cleaning your room every single day. Dirt is not good. You gotta turn the environment around you into something nicer and cleaner as soon as possible.

Meanwhile, ignore university or work. Just focus on finding A HOBBY!!! Yes, this is VERY IMPORTANT!!!!!!!
Hobbies give you a reason to keep on living.
For instance, I've been learning japanese for over a year and wanna learn even more so, it's like some kind of goal which is keeping me on this planet!

Don't tell me something like "Nothing gives me joy..."
There are lots of things which will give you show but, YOU GOTTA FIND THEM!!!

Then, working, studying, dating, or whatever stuff a normal person does, will be possible to do for you too sooner or later.

Mind you! You will still be suicidal. I think people like us will always be like that.
Nevertheless, it's not impossible to live with that.

I don't know if I'll ctb or not but I'm really doing my best to live for now!

Hugs,

Matt

I appreciate your response! I have a hobby, quite a couple of them even, that I enjoy. Unfortunately they just don't fill the void.

1) Start taking care of yourself. You might not need to do this, but sometimes when people are really depressed, they neglect their basic needs.

Shower every single day, twice if you sweat a lot. Wear deordorant, get a haircut/trim, do your laundry weekly and don't reuse dirty clothes. Get your yearly checkup if you haven't already, clean your room thoroughly. Eat healthily and whenever you feel hungry. Go outside at least once a week, preferably more often of course, and do exercise a couple times per week if you are able to.

Sleep at least 8 hours per day, try to be asleep while the sun is down and wake up when there's light outside. Use a seasonal affective disorder lamp in the mornings and get blackout curtains for the nights if you live somewhere where the sun does not come out for part of the year.

2) You need to be financially secure and independent, or it's easy to slip back into lack of hygiene/health! Get a job if you don't have one already. You can pretty much get any minimum wage job if you have done #1. Don't quit after a month, aim to maintain consistent employment and only quit if you have a better opportunity lined up, such as a job closer to home, school, or an apprenticeship or whatever.

Alternatively, go to school. The point is to have somewhere to go for part of the day. If you have a tumultuous home life, you'll get lots of stress lifted off your shoulders if you're at work or school all day. You also get a sense of purpose and responsibility this way too. It can help reduce suicidal thoughts if you you have a goal for the day, since you won't be alone at home thinking deeply about the bad things in life.

3) When you've saved money, and when you feel commited to changing, see a therapist. If you're a student you can do this for free through your school's counselling services.

You need to be open to challenging your thoughts and trying medication if you haven't already. Don't be afraid to switch therapists if you don't like the first person you see. The therapeutic relationship contributes to like 90% of a treatment's success. If you don't trust your therapist for example, then they will not know enough about you to help.

From there it will be up to you, hopefully you'll have more clear goals for yourself then (e.g. be more outgoing, stop cutting, finish your degree, get a sales job, etc).

How you move forward will depend on your specific condition and circumstances. So if you struggle with anxiety, a good thing to try is journalling every day and reviewing your journals for cognitive distortions after a few days. But if you deal with depression more, you might need to focus on day-to-day things like going outside every day, picking up a hobby, taking your meds, etc.

As others have said, once you start recovery it will never stop. It's a constant battle! But it will get easier overtime, and the important part is improving your quality of life, so that mental illness no longer rules your life.

I very much appreciate the words. I take very good care of myself and I have a full time job, and I'm also medicated. I do need to try to see a therapist, but I just don't quite make enough yet unfortunately.

You can start by talking about things that trouble you. It makes coping a bit easier and also helps in identifying the problems (which is a first step in search for solutions).



In that case here are some:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/words-of-wisdom.65869/

What troubles me? Well, I guess it's a lot of things, really. I think one of my biggest problems is that every important person I've had in my life has backstabbed me in a major way, so I don't have the ability to get close to people without being paranoid that they may do the same. My dad beat me, my mom has manipulated me and abused me, my best friend tried to get my fiancée to cheat on me, my fiancée did cheat on me, another good friend lied to the person I was renting from and told them I was doing drugs on the property, the list goes on.

Another major struggle for me is that I feel like I'm bad luck. When I come into someone's life, catastrophe is rarely far behind. It's nothing to do with me specifically, but it just seems like as soon as I feel love towards anyone their life just falls apart until I drift away from them. I know luck isn't exactly something that you can scientifically prove, but if you believe in that sort of thing you'll understand.

Another thing that really bothers me is that I'm constantly in pain, both mentally and physically.

I'm lonely, afraid to not be lonely and I'm constant pain. That about sums it up.