Help How do I recover when I have no friends?

[takeyourshotfunboy]

Talking to people and not isolating myself is an essential part of recovery, but I have no friends and whenever I try to make friends with people, they just end up making me feel more excluded than I already do.

Help?

 

[Deleted member 1465]

That can be really difficult. I was incredibly socially awkward as a very young man. I decided I would approach it as an actor and play a role. I adopted a persona and presented that to people. It was like emotional armour. Unfortunately I got lost in the role. But I did manage to make friends and even a few that could see beyond the persona.
By middle age I could mix with anyone in any situation even do public speaking. It was still partly an act but some of it was genuine confidence.
Not sure if that could help or even if it's good advice but it's how I dealt with the isolation.

 

[Harasaki]

I also have no friends and go through days without talking to anyone even though I'm surrounded by people all day. I can't help you with making friends but what has made it more bearable for me is finding hobbies to distract myself.

 

[StillWaiting]

Have you try making friends who share similar hobby with you online ?
They may not be the ones who will talk to you about your problems but at least some conversation about the things you like ?

 

[sammii]

I've been having that problem a lot recently too, I only have one friend irl and she's been busy all the time. I have no idea how to make irl friends because I'm autistic and useless at communicating so I can't help you with that, but just so u know ur defo not the only one! Why don't u make friends on here? It's not face to face but it's still socialising and everyone here is lovely!

 

[Final Escape]

Talking to people and not isolating myself is an essential part of recovery, but I have no friends and whenever I try to make friends with people, they just end up making me feel more excluded than I already do.

Help?

This is a tough one. I have this issue as well. Only thing that might work is to begin self hypnosis to get your mind to change habits that keep u from taking risks where u put yourself into situations to increase the chances to meet people. I just started this again and I'm hoping in like two weeks of tons of repetition it will begin to make me get out of my shell more. It could be the wrong people, u might have higher iq than average, or u send out vibes unconsciously that aren't helping. 90% of all communication is non verbal.

 

[Options]

If any of you UK people ever wanna meet up hit me up. We'll go for a beer or something.

 

[Hunter100]

I've been having that problem a lot recently too, I only have one friend irl and she's been busy all the time. I have no idea how to make irl friends because I'm autistic and useless at communicating so I can't help you with that, but just so u know ur defo not the only one! Why don't u make friends on here? It's not face to face but it's still socialising and everyone here is lovely!

Yes but I believe "socializing" on the interior is a double edge sword. People become consumed and literally forget how to interact with people in real life. I truly believe the internet and social media are the death of a lot of people. Especially social media. It has don't nothing good for the most part. Especially for the younger generations
Oh and if ANYONE needs to reach out to someone and actual hear a voice on the other end, please feel free to PM me and I have no issue actually talking to someone who needs a friend. I have a extra unlisted phone for work so it's not a problem for me, privacy wise. No one should feel like they don't have anyone to reach out too.

 

[Susannah]

When I was young teenager, I used to have lots of friends. Then I travelled some years, alone, and came back to my old friends, I was surprised how different we were. I couldn't be myself around them anymore. Finding new friends was difficult, but I did eventually. I found new hobbies, and met people there. Dog training, horse- riding. I also used Facebook and groups there, sharing my interests in cars, boxing. I don't have one single really close friend, and I miss that. Instead I have U guys/gals in here, and for the first time in my life, I can be 100% honest, without being judged. I honestly believe this site has given me more confidence and comfort than anybody IRL.

Everybody can find somebody. There are so many lonely people around the world, and if you dare to reach out, smile, you'll be amazed. Keep in mind that everybody loves compliments, keep it simple.

Good luck and loveS

 

[Righttodie]

I will say take a gamble that good exists. Good does exist, it's as good as the bad is bad.

I think we need to be foolish if we want to survive this world.
Even our brain fools us about so many things, like death, it's a physical impossibility in a person's mind and our mind tells us that death is something that happens to others. One of many ways how our brain isn't an impregnable machine and that it also tends to run from things and believe in what's not there.

If I wanted to recover I would try to believe there is good in the world, even if I won't ever find it. But still that hope is good to have, that there is miraculous goodness in the world, and maybe or maybe not you could find it for yourself. It can be as miraculous as the impossible horrors of nightmares we live through.

I realise this maybe won't help you directly look for someone, but this philosophy helps me. It changes my mindset from being a realist and seeing the world for what it really can be for most part, to believing in the good it has. And that helps me try to take risks in looking for people and opening up more.

 

[Sweet emotion]

You're going to make new friends. Give it some time. It doesn't happen over night. You'll get a job and start meeting co-workers.

 

[takeyourshotfunboy]

I've been having that problem a lot recently too, I only have one friend irl and she's been busy all the time. I have no idea how to make irl friends because I'm autistic and useless at communicating so I can't help you with that, but just so u know ur defo not the only one! Why don't u make friends on here? It's not face to face but it's still socialising and everyone here is lovely!

Yeah, the people here care and understand more than anyone irl

 

[Throwawaysoul]

That can be really difficult. I was incredibly socially awkward as a very young man. I decided I would approach it as an actor and play a role. I adopted a persona and presented that to people. It was like emotional armour. Unfortunately I got lost in the role. But I did manage to make friends and even a few that could see beyond the persona.
By middle age I could mix with anyone in any situation even do public speaking. It was still partly an act but some of it was genuine confidence.
Not sure if that could help or even if it's good advice but it's how I dealt with the isolation.

I did this throughout my 20's. I guess it worked. When people got too close the cracks began to really show. It was also exhausting as fuck and it wasn't the true me. Now I'm 40 and friendless. I almost wish I never had a taste of having "friends and a life". I also feel like I was a fraud for a decade, which I was.

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

I'm definitely not an expert on this topic given that I don't have any myself, but if I could give any advice to my younger self, it would be not to go home immidiately after school/college/work. Try to hang out more with your colleagues, ask them where they like going and join them. Try to sign up for a hobby and you'll meet people there.

 

[Jengator]

There is a website and app called Meetup. You can join groups like a book club or really anything. Sometimes getting in a group around a theme helps bring people together. There will still be jerks and reminding yourself that nobody is perfect helps. Ultimately being your own best friend is important but having others to do things with is healthy.

 

[kkatt]

Sometimees,I go weeks without talking to anyone.
I have onlinee contcts butt even talking to my family is hard

 

[MisanthropicLycan]

I don't know how old you are but I am 30 and I found it almost impossible to make new friends at this age. It sucks.

 

[PaYo]

peop,eare unreliable, the fucke them,find someone new, get out of your country, city, become a milionaire and make people like you for what you have not who you are. then select this people that you feel comfortable with and hope for love from i too them. that my plan btw

 

[Throwawaysoul]

I don't know how old you are but I am 30 and I found it almost impossible to make new friends at this age. It sucks.

It's impossible. I'm forty I haven't made a new friend in over 15 years. Not even sure how it would happen.

 

[SlackJim]

Best way to make friends is to have a common interest, the more obscure/nerdy/underground the better. And don't settle for bullshit, a lot of people aren't worth the time. It's easy to think theres something wrong with you when you don't make friends easily, I think it comes down to having good taste.

 

[azucaramargo]

That can be really difficult. I was incredibly socially awkward as a very young man. I decided I would approach it as an actor and play a role. I adopted a persona and presented that to people. It was like emotional armour. Unfortunately I got lost in the role. But I did manage to make friends and even a few that could see beyond the persona.
By middle age I could mix with anyone in any situation even do public speaking. It was still partly an act but some of it was genuine confidence.
Not sure if that could help or even if it's good advice but it's how I dealt with the isolation.

Sorry to be dense, but why was your getting lost in the role unfortunate?

 

[letmeseethedeath]

If any of you UK people ever wanna meet up hit me up. We'll go for a beer or something.

i wish i could but i'm from italy. i need a friend to talk to and a beer to calm me