How do I lock on to the fact that everything I've done or hadn't done is irrelevant since the present is all there is?

[Ambivalent1]

The past tortures me with nostalgia and missed sexual opportunities. If I could just blank all that out and realize the present is all there is, then that would help give me perspective. Perspective that my life is shit and probably will be henceforth.

 

[Pluto]

Time exists only in the mind.

 

[sserafim]

Time exists only in the mind.

Wdym

 

[Pluto]

Wdym

Memory (past) is a type of thought, anticipation (future) is another. It isn't possible to not be in the present.
A better answer to the question: read Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now. It's the most accessible and masterful book and is entirely on this topic and has changed the lives of millions.

PDF | Audio

I knew a guy who would listen to the audiobook (the original version with Eckhart reading) on repeat on his commute to work, and after a few months it did lead to an awakening experience. Though when I tried the same thing it didn't happen for me.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Time exists only in the mind.

But the world changes. Is change not time?

 

[Pluto]

But the world changes. Is change not time?

Yes, time is change. That also means it is an illusion in this context.

To be more practical Eckhart distinguishes 'clock time' from 'psychological time'. The former enables making appointments in order to function, the latter is torturous mental noise which is basically all harmful and needless.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Yes, time is change. That also means it is an illusion in this context.

To be more practical Eckhart distinguishes 'clock time' from 'psychological time'. The former enables making appointments in order to function, the latter is torturous mental noise which is basically all harmful and needless.

I don't understand

 

[Pluto]

I don't understand

It's not understandable.

I prefer to yield to Eckhart since this is his forte. This video is probably my favourite.

 

[druggedonsurvival]

I think not living in the present is a result of the fact that our lives in the present are not pleasurable. I'm like this myself, I think of the past and the mistakes I made and fantasize about not making them, about doing things better that might have led me to a better existence. It's just more enjoyable for our brains to not live in reality, because reality sucks.

Perspective that my life is shit and probably will be henceforth.

Life always has its ups and downs. Unless you have recently acquired a debilitating disability or disease this is probably unreasonable.

 

[DarkRange55]

Stephen Hawking had a wager with another scientist. He said I thought we'd be able to reverse time at one point. The universe is expanding so he thought when the universe began to contract time would reverse. He said I made a mistake. As far as we know, the arrows of time move forward: 1. Thermodynamically, thats one measure. 2. Psychologically, in how you perceive time. 3. Cosmologically, the way the universe is moving.
There are two camps of physicists: A. Time is an illusion/human construct. B. Time is a measurable physical force/aspect of the universe.
we can indeed measure time and various "laws" involve it.
A is correct in the larger Omniverse sense, where everything that can exist always exists.
Einstein said that this is merely an illusion (albeit a persistent one).
On a quantum level, everything appears to be reversible. (@sserafim I have a followup on this for your entropy question comparing a cooked steak…)



"Look at the stars, Clark. Some of them have been extinguished for thousands of years, but their light is only reaching us now. The past is always influencing the present. I can't change that. All I can do is try to understand it."
- Lex Luthor, Smallville

Some people live in the past: they dwell on it and can't move forward. Some people live in the future: they dream of it and can't enjoy the present. Some people live in the moment and enjoy the present.

I think it's important to put the past behind you and move on. Learn from it so you don't repeat mistakes. And to look to the future with optimism and hope by building a better future now. Use the time to have to build a better tomorrow and enjoy the present as much as you can. I think it's important to plan for the future, learn from the past and seize and enjoy the present. Memory happiness is also another form of happiness from a neuroscientific standpoint.

The billionaire Charlie Munger said:

"There's no way that you can live an adequate life without many mistakes. In fact, one trick in life is to get so you can handle mistakes. Failure to handle psychological denial is a common way for people to go broke."

"Forgetting your mistakes is a terrible error if you are trying to improve your cognition. Reality doesn't remind you. Why not celebrate stupidities in both categories?"

 

[Forever Sleep]

What do you want right now? What are you doing to get what you want right now? Is it truly impossible to get what you want by acting on it now? Even if it means edging towards what you want rather than actually accomplishing it? Are you willing to try and- how long for? That's a mix of present and future.

But- the past is gone. No point in crying over spilt milk. You can pity yourself- sure. You can worry that maybe you'll keep repeating that behaviour but- that's up to you. That's where the present and future come in because they are the only states you have power to change.

Are things utterly terrible in this current moment? Or, is it that you fear the future? In which case- you need to use the current moment to change the future.

As an example- aged in my late twenties, I was miserable, stuck it retail. It wasn't ideal that I'd chosen to do the wrong degree when I was 18. It wasn't good that I struggled with social anxiety. It wasn't good that I'd really been out of the game in terms of my chosen subject to study. But regardless- I decided the way to get me back on track was to go back to uni and study another degree in it. I'd just missed applying that year and our blessed government hiked up tuition fees. Also not ideal. But, there we go. It still seemed like my best option. I went full time for a year to save money and got accepted on the course, did it and it did change my life... for a while.

I think everyone has to decide what they want and what they're willing to do to get it. Obviously, we have to use realism. Is what we want achievable to some extent? What compromises will we be willing to make?

But if it's sex you're after- I don't know but, I would have thought that easier to get than mourning after a specific person for their character- that you'll never meet someone like them again etc. Aren't people up for it on Tinder etc? I don't really know.