Help How do I beat survival instinct?

[First loss]

If it wasn't for that I wouldn't be here writing this right now. I tried to hang myself twice and both times some force took control over my body and jumped off the rope. I didn't control myself. My body did that on it's own.

How do I beat it?

 

[NorthAmericanQc]

Booze

 

[NorthAmericanQc]

Booze

 

[suffering]

I know what you mean. For me it was a horrifying experience, it's like I have two people inside of me: the rational one who wants to die, and some demon who wants to survive no matter what. I am too afraid to try again, and although I used to take pride in being a good, brave and rational person, I will let the demon win, it's not like I have a choice anyway. My only victory is life is a philosophical one, I'll take what I can get.
I'm sorry I can't share anything constructive and I hope you find peace, regardless of how things will turn out.

 

[essbet]

it's like I have two people inside of me: the rational one who wants to die, and some demon who wants to survive no matter what

Yes same for me. The demon also has a tendency to get really sentimental and show me a slideshow of my family after my death on replay, I feel so manipulated by myself...

 

[namelessX8]

can you take some stimulants/hallucinogens before the act? Something like MDMA. It makes you more impulsive in my experience. Or Ket or coke.