F
floofhook
Member
- Sep 24, 2020
- 39
I haven't lived a good life. It was bad but not that terrible. Only child two older parents father with anger management issues socially awkward and very self conscious etc etc.. What made it bearable is that I found ways and hobbies to enjoy myself plus the lack of responsibilities over managing my own life and not having to make choices. It started getting terrible in my twenties when I gradually started losing enjoyment in what I loved. Then after I had some realizations about myself, my beliefs, and what I want in life. I used to be religious and over night I became atheist which started my downward spiral into depression, that and I absolutely hated my college major but didn't do anything to change it. Few years later I'm still closeted atheist, my parents are getting older and losing their vitality, I finished my internship last august and haven't managed to get a job, and today I just got a rejection email from the place I interned at. When I was there they made it sound like they wanted me to work with them but guess not. It's been so long since I graduated and I'm still unemployed. I have nothing to live for now except taking care of my parents. I can't bring myself to end my life mainly because it'd destroy my mom and she doesn't deserve it plus some pathetic part of me is probably chickening out. I wish I'd sleep and never wake up.