How did you feel when mail delivered your SN (or other lethal method)?

[SMxj9]

I ordered mine a week ago and it will take probably 2 more weeks for it to be delivered... Didn't feel much buying the online purchase, it's Just a lonely process, since i can't talk about this with friends, psychiatrist or psychologist (Just ended my Sessions yesterday). Btw i live in South America. I plan on using It in the next few months, maybe in may, since i need to do some things before CTB.

 

[Liebestod]

Back when I bought my gun and ammo (before it got seized by the cops) I had a feeling of "wow I'm really doing this". It was weird like I was disassociating.

 

[unluckysadness]

It was weird. A mix of relief and stress.

 

[Afterglow]

Holding the box in my hand was definitely frightening. Not in a "Oh my god this is scary" way, but more of a "It's insane how such a small box could contain my death."

It was an odd feeling for sure. Now it just sits on my shelf waiting for the right time.

 

[UserFromNowhere]

Having to be there to receive it was anxiety-inducing, and it was a bit frightening to have it, as @Afterglow says. It's been sitting on my shelf for almost a year at this point, and although I appreciate having the option and know I can keep myself from using it until it's time, it's still tempting to pull it out and just take it everyday. To rid me of all the pain and despair I feel and finally have some peace.

 

[mustard tiger]

I haven't yet ordered mine but I imagine just possessing that dirty thing will be quite empowering. the power to end it at any time with a minimum of pain. sounds like it will make every useless shit of a day more bearable ngl

 

[thelostautistic]

I was relieved that I got it but terrified to open it. It still scares me knowing it's just sitting there

 

[absolute failure]

I felt so happy getting it, it's relieving!

 

[SMxj9]

This isn't related to the post, but do you people know why I can't open other people's profiles? I get a message that says "You do not have permission to view this page or perform this action." I'm a New account. I also can't DM anyone.

 

[Macedonian1987]

It felt liberating. It felt like holding the keys to the exit door from this world. A world in which I never felt like I ever belonged.

 

[whoisit]

Relief since I now have the option to end it any time I would want or if my pain becomes too much.

 

[UserFromNowhere]

This isn't related to the post, but do you people know why I can't open other people's profiles? I get a message that says "You do not have permission to view this page or perform this action." I'm a New account. I also can't DM anyone.

New accounts can't DM or use the search function. Most people's profiles are private by default, only a few people have theirs open by choice.

 

[pieceoffox]

I just recently ordered my SN. I'll probably receive it in a couple of weeks, but it already feels strange. So soon I'll have a means of ending everything at any moment. I completely understand about not being able to talk to friends.

 

[thelostautistic]

This isn't related to the post, but do you people know why I can't open other people's profiles? I get a message that says "You do not have permission to view this page or perform this action." I'm a New account. I also can't DM anyone.

Some people have changed their settings to not allow people to view their page. You can't do anything about that.