Discussion How could we deal with pornographic industry that ruined our self-esteem

[Admont]

For a guy who has a slightly less average penis how could he accept himself with all the pornographic propaganda that shapes a real man must get that 6 inch penis or more. This thing actually ruined my life. It made me think I'm gay as LGBTQ community would accept me easily and Only guys are attracted to me I don't know why, my face and body is not feminine or something especial it's ugly though, could you believe it ugly and small penis it's so unfair

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

Allow me to share my viewpoint on porn: it's like the Olympics, but with dicks. Only the mightiest, most gigantic, possibly malformed arm-sized dicks get picked.
I mean, if we're talking about "official", pay-per-view style porn. You can browse the free area of, say, xhamster, where the "fresh" porn is made by normal people, but there are also leaks of "official" porn.
Are you and I going to be picked for the Olympics? Probably not.
Do we even want to be picked for the Olympics?
As you are reading this, be it you, OP, or anybody else worried about the size of their penis, I ask you to take a pause, go brew yourselves some tea, bring out some aroma candles, get the mood all nice and cuddly and once you're all good, Google "tour de france legs".
Savor the imagery, let it flow into you, let it marinade your brain...
I don't REALLY know what tour de france is, other than it's french, it's a bicycle competition, and it's apparently important enough for some people to turn their legs into what looks like an actual cancer tumor buildup!
Jesus fucking Christ!
I don't care what the prize is, I am NOT going to try and qualify for tour de france if it means converting my legs into fucking tumors! Not even if there's a last place compensation award like "well, you tried. Here's ten bucks. :("
Fuck no!
Even if the last place award was a hundred grand! I am not converting my legs into fucking tumors for a handred grand! I like my HUMAN FUCKING LEGS!
They're not particularly outstanding, no leg fetishist is going to dryhump my legs while moaning how I have the strongest, most beautiful legs ever, but you know what? I'm perfectly fine with not having a the strongest legs, because THOSE TUMORS ARE!
Now for the last part of the exercise: take a tour de france leg and replace your penis with it!
Ask yourself: "would I want a tour de france leg as a penis?"
I SURE AS FUCK DON'T!
So yeah, I don't know the average size of a penis. I could be below it, and I'm content with being below average penis-wise, because on the opposite side of the spectrum the mightiest of dicks means having a tour de france leg as a penis, and I don't want that!

 

[Darkhaven]

Most men don't have penises of that size.
You're looking at a relatively small universe and it makes you think that literally everyone but you has a monstruous cock, but that's far from the truth.
I'm no expert, but, given the nature of things and how, we as a species, can vary so much from each other both in terms of personality and physically, the world must be filled with men with worse looks and dicks than you/yours.
Don't waste too much time thinking about that. It's just meat mah boy, it's just meat!

 

[Admont]

Allow me to share my viewpoint on porn: it's like the Olympics, but with dicks. Only the mightiest, most gigantic, possibly malformed arm-sized dicks get picked.
I mean, if we're talking about "official", pay-per-view style porn. You can browse the free area of, say, xhamster, where the "fresh" porn is made by normal people, but there are also leaks of "official" porn.
Are you and I going to be picked for the Olympics? Probably not.
Do we even want to be picked for the Olympics?
As you are reading this, be it you, OP, or anybody else worried about the size of their penis, I ask you to take a pause, go brew yourselves some tea, bring out some aroma candles, get the mood all nice and cuddly and once you're all good, Google "tour de france legs".
Savor the imagery, let it flow into you, let it marinade your brain...
I don't REALLY know what tour de france is, other than it's french, it's a bicycle competition, and it's apparently important enough for some people to turn their legs into what looks like an actual cancer tumor buildup!
Jesus fucking Christ!
I don't care what the prize is, I am NOT going to try and qualify for tour de france if it means converting my legs into fucking tumors! Not even if there's a last place compensation award like "well, you tried. Here's ten bucks. :("
Fuck no!
Even if the last place award was a hundred grand! I am not converting my legs into fucking tumors for a handred grand! I like my HUMAN FUCKING LEGS!
They're not particularly outstanding, no leg fetishist is going to dryhump my legs while moaning how I have the strongest, most beautiful legs ever, but you know what? I'm perfectly fine with not having a the strongest legs, because THOSE TUMORS ARE!
Now for the last part of the exercise: take a tour de france leg and replace your penis with it!
Ask yourself: "would I want a tour de france leg as a penis?"
I SURE AS FUCK DON'T!
So yeah, I don't know the average size of a penis. I could be below it, and I'm content with being below average penis-wise, because on the opposite side of the spectrum the mightiest of dicks means having a tour de france leg as a penis, and I don't want that!

I see their legs are good looking That's why I'm suffering

 

[Myforevercharlie]

I don't have a penis, but maybe this helps. According to Wikipedia

Measurements vary, with studies that rely on self-measurement reporting a significantly higher average than those with a health professional measuring. As of 2015, a systematic review of 15,521 men, and the best research to date on the topic, as the subjects were measured by health professionals, rather than self-measured, has concluded that the average length of an erect human penis is 13.12 cm (5.17 inches) long, while the average circumference of an erect human penis is 11.66 cm (4.59 inches).[1] Flaccid penis length can sometimes be a poor predictor of erect length.

 

[Admont]

I don't have a penis, but maybe this helps. According to Wikipedia

Measurements vary, with studies that rely on self-measurement reporting a significantly higher average than those with a health professional measuring. As of 2015, a systematic review of 15,521 men, and the best research to date on the topic, as the subjects were measured by health professionals, rather than self-measured, has concluded that the average length of an erect human penis is 13.12 cm (5.17 inches) long, while the average circumference of an erect human penis is 11.66 cm (4.59 inches).[1] Flaccid penis length can sometimes be a poor predictor of erect length.

I'm less that average I'm not greedy I only wanted average size

 

[Myforevercharlie]

I'm less that average I'm not greedy I only wanted average size

It's only average. .. And girls not being attracted to you really doesn't have anything to do with the size of your penis. Because im a female, i can tell you that regarding sex, it's what you do, there are so many ways to make a girl enjoy herself than just "stick a Ron Jeremy" into her.

 

[nerve]

I'm a girl, but a weirdly shaped one with limited tits and ass, so maybe I kind of relate a bit. The not meeting standards part at least. Like "who's going to want me when they've been watching porn for years probably and know what women can look like."

Once I stopped watching pornography, it became less of an obsession. I still feel like Shrek every time I see a woman who looks better than me, but I'm no longer piling more exposure on top of that. I know my body's kind of undesirable, it's just not being shoved in my face as often.

I'm not a "porn makes men evil" person, but it does weird things to a lot of people's brains, especially with the amount available today and how easy it is to find. I hate that you're suffering, but what you're describing is a reasonable reaction to such a complicated part of human culture. The pressure is absurd.

Spoiler: Kinda NSFW detail

Dick-in-vagina penetration isn't usually a woman's favorite sex act either. A lot of girls I've known have said that a penis below average size is less of a problem than someone who doesn't listen or has no patience.

 

[Admont]

It's only average. .. And girls not being attracted to you really doesn't have anything to do with the size of your penis. Because im a female, i can tell you that regarding sex, it's what you do, there are so many ways to make a girl enjoy herself than just "stick a Ron Jeremy" into her.

Thanks

I'm a girl, but a weirdly shaped one with limited tits and ass, so maybe I kind of relate a bit. The not meeting standards part at least. Like "who's going to want me when they've been watching porn for years probably and know what women can look like."

Once I stopped watching pornography, it became less of an obsession. I still feel like Shrek every time I see a woman who looks better than me, but I'm no longer piling more exposure on top of that. I know my body's kind of undesirable, it's just not being shoved in my face as often.

I'm not a "porn makes men evil" person, but it does weird things to a lot of people's brains, especially with the amount available today and how easy it is to find. I hate that you're suffering, but what you're describing is a reasonable reaction to such a complicated part of human culture. The pressure is absurd.

Spoiler: Kinda NSFW detail

Dick-in-vagina penetration isn't usually a woman's favorite sex act either. A lot of girls I've known have said that a penis below average size is less of a problem than someone who doesn't listen or has no patience.

LITERALLY I have not seen any girl before as an unattractive or not catching standards. So you are mostly atrractive to me, and thanks

 

[BabyYoda]

Biological female here. I do not strictly identify with a label, but my presentation is strongly feminine. I used to present as gender neutral back in high school. My body isn't that great (sadly) and I only started having body image issues during the first semester of my college freshman year. I interact with guys more than girls in school (around a 6:5 ratio, not much of a big difference) and it's painful to know that none of them are interested in me in any special way. There was one that came pretty close, but it didn't match up to the level of him and his best friend. Well, maybe this happened because I'm so fucking ugly? Not after long I started picking out clothes that will hopefully make me more desirable. More skirts, shorts, wide necklines, girly colors, etc. I wore more makeup. I guess I should exercise more to have a nicer body.

I have loads of fetishes. I prefer hentai over real porn, cause I find it more "attractive". You see, lust is too easy to satisfy just as long as I have a working internet and a place to hide. Love is not. I find it tremendously difficult to find someone who can be a long term partner who will not divorce me. Hopefully when worse comes to worst and I am unable to cope with the loneliness I will consider buying a dakimakura and/or a sex robot when I am able to be financially independent. Many people say that lust cannot replace love, but whatever. I am okay with porn being used as a substitute for love because not everyone is lucky to have a partner.

Most men and women do not have extraordinary appearances, but that doesn't stop me from being ugly as hell. I think it's still not helpful for me to think that I am beautiful for who I am when naturally humans pay so much attention to appearance. It's just how the world works.

Anyways, enough rambling. Sorry to hear that you are suffering. I can't really give advice but I hope the people above helped you in some way.

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

I see their legs are good looking That's why I'm suffering

Odd. We seem to not be getting similar results. I'll link the first four different (that is ignoring repeated imagery from different websites) of what I'm getting for emphasis.
result 1: oh God, the veins!
result 2: I kinda suspect it's the same guy, but he had a bit of time to relax.
result 3: I'm outside right now and the sun is reflecting off my screen. I had to double check that it's not fried chicken wings.
result 4: this looks like actual tumors to me, or at the very least, botched plastic surgery.
Scrolling down I indeed see less fucked up images, mostly women with your de france miniskirts. Didn't know that exists until now. Cheerleader attire, maybe?
Yeah, from afar it doesn't look too bad, but getting closer shots makes my stomach turn.

 

[Admont]

Biological female here. I do not strictly identify with a label, but my presentation is strongly feminine. I used to present as gender neutral back in high school. My body isn't that great (sadly) and I only started having body image issues during the first semester of my college freshman year. I interact with guys more than girls in school (around a 6:5 ratio, not much of a big difference) and it's painful to know that none of them are interested in me in any special way. There was one that came pretty close, but it didn't match up to the level of him and his best friend. Well, maybe this happened because I'm so fucking ugly? Not after long I started picking out clothes that will hopefully make me more desirable. More skirts, shorts, wide necklines, girly colors, etc. I wore more makeup. I guess I should exercise more to have a nicer body.

I have loads of fetishes. I prefer hentai over real porn, cause I find it more "attractive". You see, lust is too easy to satisfy just as long as I have a working internet and a place to hide. Love is not. I find it tremendously difficult to find someone who can be a long term partner who will not divorce me. Hopefully when worse comes to worst and I am unable to cope with the loneliness I will consider buying a dakimakura and/or a sex robot when I am able to be financially independent. Many people say that lust cannot replace love, but whatever. I am okay with porn being used as a substitute for love because not everyone is lucky to have a partner.

Most men and women do not have extraordinary appearances, but that doesn't stop me from being ugly as hell. I think it's still not helpful for me to think that I am beautiful for who I am when naturally humans pay so much attention to appearance. It's just how the world works.

Anyways, enough rambling. Sorry to hear that you are suffering. I can't really give advice but I hope the people above helped you in some way.

I guess we are not lucky genetically and it's frustrating I hate being judged for my physical appearance

 

[mediocre]

I feel you it's f'ed me up as well. This may be tmi but it's even worse when you're uncircumcised and have a lot of foreskin then you see all these guys with the perfect shaped cut penises. I am gay myself I have never been in a relationship but I can tell you that the LGBTQ's community can be just as And sometimes even more judgemental than straight people.

 

[Admont]

I feel you it's f'ed me up as well. This may be tmi but it's even worse when you're uncircumcised and have a lot of foreskin then you see all these guys with the perfect shaped cut penises. I am gay myself I have never been in a relationship but I can tell you that the LGBTQ's community can be just as And sometimes even more judgemental than straight people.

Sorry for you sweetie

 

[Death.]

Mate I suggest you just go sleep with a prostitute once. They have seen all shapes and sizes and won't give a single fuck over the size of your penis. Just do it once to get over the anxiety this causes.

 

[Oyoy]

I am a woman and I like smaller dicks. I don't want a pretty boy. At least your not an ego maniac. Lots of of women want to be the pretty one in the relationship. I don't like it when men put themselves down to me. It shows neadines, being shallow, insecurity and like he would be settling for me cus I'm in that range of looks. The more you make a woman feel beutiful and heard the more she will be attracted to you.

 

[Admont]

Mate I suggest you just go sleep with a prostitute once. They have seen all shapes and sizes and won't give a single fuck over the size of your penis. Just do it once to get over the anxiety this causes.

I hope

I am a woman and I like smaller dicks. I don't want a pretty boy. At least your not an ego maniac. Lots of of women want to be the pretty one in the relationship. I don't like it when men put themselves down to me. It shows neadines, being shallow, insecurity and like he would be settling for me cus I'm in that range of looks. The more you make a woman feel beutiful and heard the more she will be attracted to you.

Thank you so much, this is so relieving

 

[waterbottleman]

A lot of women don't even get off from penetration anyways so having a smaller sized dick isn't the big deal you're making it out to be. Women have a wide variety of ways in which they get off, some women orgasm from penetration whereas some don't, some women have a super sensitive clitoris whereas others don't, Some women prefer oral sex over penetration (a lot actually), some women prefer penetration in addition to clitoral stimulus with the Hands simultaneously whereas others don't.

The point I'm making here is that men in general have narrower view of sex because it's easier for us to orgasm. For most men we think of sex as penetration. Whereas lots of women view sex as the entire act, not just penetration but kissing, foreplay, oral stimulation, etc, the whole experience and act itself that leads up to penetration is sex for women. When you perceive sex in this light, that sex is a lot of things not just penetration you'll realize that the size of your dick isn't as significant as you think it is.

What makes a guy good at sex is not having a big dick, a guy who is good at sex is a guy who is good at listening to what his partner desires and wants (which often is as simple as asking her). Lots of guys are arrogant and proclaim they're "sex gods" never bothering to ask their partner what she actually likes meanwhile his partner is constantly sexually frustrated.

The point I'm making is that you can easily be good at sex with a smaller dick by instead being a good listener and figuring out how your partner gets off/orgasms. Each individual woman is different in this respect so every time you're having sex with a new woman you have to realize her needs will be different than the woman you slept with before.

However in general I've heard women consistently complain about these certain things with guys
- Guys go for penetration too quickly and don't do enough foreplay
- When guys engage in foreplay they focus too much on boobs/butt instead of her entire body
- A lot of guys won't even do oral sex even though a ton of women love oral sex more than penetration when a guy is good at it

I'd highly recommend reading up on oral sex techniques and practicing that. If you become amazing at oral sex a woman is not going to give a flying fuck about the size your dick cause she'll be more fascinated by your magic tongue.

 

[k75]

You know, when someone first meets you, they're meeting you, not your penis. Unless you're prancing around naked or sending dick pics, they have no idea what size it is.

I'm not trying to downplay your feelings, and I do understand what it's like to have a shortcoming that feels like it's stopping anything from going right. But usually, I think we become so hyper aware of the thing, it feels like everyone is judging when they're not. How can they judge you based on things they don't know about?

What you can do is focus on what people do see or experience first. Few people can change their face, but I think a lot of people who say they're ugly aren't seeing themselves the way everyone else does. Are you interesting? You can always study some fun trivia to beef that up. Be kind, work on your attitude, try to adjust behavior that might push people away. Want a better body? You can try to work on that too.
Wear more flattering clothing. These are the things the world actually sees and it's all customizable.

This sounds like BS, but I've found if you like someone, a lot of things aren't a big deal. Penis size can be one of those things. Some people make that a priority, but it sounds like you want something less shallow anyway. So when you think about it, that's a great way to screen people and not waste time.

Spoiler: Here we talk about sex stuff!

I'm not a guy, but I've been with larger guys and they have their own penis size struggles. There's a long list of negatives... you just never hear about it.

For one, a lot of girls get scared of size. I know for a fact some girls have smaller anatomy and truly prefer smaller penises.

And another, if it's too big, it will never fit all the way inside. I imagine that would be pretty frustrating for a guy.
Or it's like being hit with a battering ram. And that fucking hurts! Big penises can be super painful during sex. Even average sized sometimes causes problems in certain circumstances.

And unless your partner is super pro with no gag reflex, blowjobs are much easier and can last longer with smaller penises.

Good technique can make up for a lot. And also, sex toys can be so much fun! You can totally use them during sex and really, if you make your partner feel good, they aren't going to care if it's because of your penis or hands or a toy or whatever. And it's not all about penetration. Women usually need more stimulation to get off, so your penis size is less important.

 

[Ko9]

How about not at all? It's your right to watch it and destroy your self esteem or just not watching it at all and pray n' stuff.

 

[Admont]

Biological female here. I do not strictly identify with a label, but my presentation is strongly feminine. I used to present as gender neutral back in high school. My body isn't that great (sadly) and I only started having body image issues during the first semester of my college freshman year. I interact with guys more than girls in school (around a 6:5 ratio, not much of a big difference) and it's painful to know that none of them are interested in me in any special way. There was one that came pretty close, but it didn't match up to the level of him and his best friend. Well, maybe this happened because I'm so fucking ugly? Not after long I started picking out clothes that will hopefully make me more desirable. More skirts, shorts, wide necklines, girly colors, etc. I wore more makeup. I guess I should exercise more to have a nicer body.

I have loads of fetishes. I prefer hentai over real porn, cause I find it more "attractive". You see, lust is too easy to satisfy just as long as I have a working internet and a place to hide. Love is not. I find it tremendously difficult to find someone who can be a long term partner who will not divorce me. Hopefully when worse comes to worst and I am unable to cope with the loneliness I will consider buying a dakimakura and/or a sex robot when I am able to be financially independent. Many people say that lust cannot replace love, but whatever. I am okay with porn being used as a substitute for love because not everyone is lucky to have a partner.

Most men and women do not have extraordinary appearances, but that doesn't stop me from being ugly as hell. I think it's still not helpful for me to think that I am beautiful for who I am when naturally humans pay so much attention to appearance. It's just how the world works.

Anyways, enough rambling. Sorry to hear that you are suffering. I can't really give advice but I hope the people above helped you in some way.

I've just read your reply again and I want to say I love you, and everyone deserves a life long partner who appreciates their existence, so just don't give up on being loved

 

[Mr2005]

There's an easy answer to this although not easy to put into practice. Live in a society where we actually want to have sex with each other then we won't need it anymore.

 

[noaccount]

I mean, everything else aside, hell even a lot of straight women don't necessarily want to have sex like that, actively prefer receiving and giving oral rather than hetero intercourse as such, et cetera... and like g-spot stimulating toys for women are designed the way they are because g-spots (on those who distinctly have them, not everyone does) aren't generally that far in-there, and more reach just ends up hitting the cervix which isn't (for most people) enervated in any particularly pleasurable way.

But that's all kinda secondary anyway to how much porn is violently sexist and shows the opposite of women enjoying anything, not to mention how many actors have come out about being abused or exploited on-set, I mean "tits and sass" has good SWer writing on a lot of that, if you want to look at it, IDK it's all a giant mess.

 

[Mizrable80]

Porn is nothing but a stimulant. It's like a drug. Definitely not good to think fantasy like that is what you should be like. Sadly having a big penis or "nice" body parts won't stop you from getting your heart broken. Happiness and peace is much nicer to have anyways.

P.s. knowing how to use the tool is much more handy.

 

[toomuchtimetodie]

Why would you insinuate gay men automatically like feminine men? They just like men and the willy. And like any sexuality they have their preferences of masculine or feminine mates. If having a smaller than average penis is the extent of your worries that's because you've not faced any real suffering in this life and need to grow up. Fast.