how can I do this now?

[tiredquail]

I need some way fast as I have others in the house, SN is the choice however I can not find any

 

[chocolatebar]

I'm sorry for your pain. I can almost feel it, but if you're lost like that, it means you're not prepared yet and we can't tell you what to do, because it's something only you have the right to do. We're here to do research, talk, alleviate our tension, exchange useful information and spread love.
If you want, there's the resources section with a lot of information on ctb