Venting How can a person live without love?

[lawlietsph]

I was never ever loved in my life and I truly think this is causing me unspeakable pain.
I am not talking about romantic love.
What if the two people in your life who are supposed to love you unconditionally - they never loved you at all?
My parents never ever showed love to me. We were living together, I've had food on the table and a place to sleep, but my mother was beating the shit out of me occasionally, and my father was really passive-aggressive, never present in our lives. They were happy with me as long as I was quiet, not causing any noise or trouble. They never loved me. I can't remember a single time when they hugged me or something. Now looking back I truly believe they are both narcissistic and absolutely horrible people for parenting.
I never ever experienced love.
All of my school years were miserable, zero friends, being bullied and laughed at. Zero love again.
I just started to try out myself in these romantic kinda things a year ago - I met a boy online, absolutely fell in love with him. He promised me the world and more, and for the first time I've finally felt like I belong somewhere. He ended up breaking my heart, soul, everything out of nowhere in the most horrible ways possible. One day he said let's have a video call. I thought it's going to be the usual, we talked all the time and I loved it. When his camera opened he looked at me with pure disgust (keep in mind he promised to marry me 3 days before), and he started telling me how fucking ugly and worthless I am and he actually brought one of his friends so they can laugh at me together. It was a 1 hour video call, them laughing and making fun of me, and me just standing there stunned, speechless, listening to what they are saying. He never spoke to me ever again, it took me 5 months to stop crying about this. I don't think about it as much as I used to, but I'll never ever recover from the things he said.
Couple of months later I've met another boy online. Again, him being the kindest, most caring person in the world - I fell in love. I crave every tiny bit of attention. He started to turn things towards a very sexual way, and when I said that it's too much for me, he pulled away and basically told me he doesn't want anything serious and he doesn't understand why we have to be a couple in order to "have fun". He's doing this push-pull method with me ever since. He put me in friend zone (being fully aware that I love him more). As soon as I say that's enough and I detach myself from him, he comes back like the sweetest person on earth. But as soon as I get invested, he disappears and ignores all of my messages for weeks or even a month. I tell him about suicide and he doesn't even try to stop me or anything. It hurts like hell.

This is all of my experience with love. And I think the biggest bullshit on earth is the "you have to love yourself first" thing. No, it is a basic human need to receive love from others, you cannot love yourself if nobody loves you. I think this is absolute bullshit.
I cry all the time because I crave a feeling that I've never experienced before. What does it feel like to be important? What does it feel like when someone is happy to see you? Am I really that fucking ugly and worthless and I simply doesn't deserve love? Is there a place for me somewhere on this planet? Is there a home for me somewhere? Am I truly that disgusting and worse than any other people?
What does it feels like to be loved and cared for? How can I live like this any longer?
I truly feel physical pain in my chest. It is empty. If I die today, nobody will care. I am unlovable.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

We humans are social creatures and "love" (whatever that is exactly) is an essential part of our lives. A lack of love from early childhood leads to problems already. The parental love is the most basic need we have especially while we're growing up.

Your parents are responsible and the ones to be blamed for that. Idk how such a basic experience could ever be learned as an adult if we didn't learn/experience it during early childhood - like learning to speak.

I truly feel physical pain in my chest. It is empty. If I die today, nobody will care. I am unlovable.

Although it's mainly anonymous here, we care about you and you're certainly not unlovable!

 

[Alo97]

HI I have similar experiences. i have never been loved. it hurts. what they did to you is horrifying. we are with you, we care. you deserve love don't doubt it!

 

[isolatedl111]

I was never ever loved in my life and I truly think this is causing me unspeakable pain.
I am not talking about romantic love.
What if the two people in your life who are supposed to love you unconditionally - they never loved you at all?
My parents never ever showed love to me. We were living together, I've had food on the table and a place to sleep, but my mother was beating the shit out of me occasionally, and my father was really passive-aggressive, never present in our lives. They were happy with me as long as I was quiet, not causing any noise or trouble. They never loved me. I can't remember a single time when they hugged me or something. Now looking back I truly believe they are both narcissistic and absolutely horrible people for parenting.
I never ever experienced love.
All of my school years were miserable, zero friends, being bullied and laughed at. Zero love again.
I just started to try out myself in these romantic kinda things a year ago - I met a boy online, absolutely fell in love with him. He promised me the world and more, and for the first time I've finally felt like I belong somewhere. He ended up breaking my heart, soul, everything out of nowhere in the most horrible ways possible. One day he said let's have a video call. I thought it's going to be the usual, we talked all the time and I loved it. When his camera opened he looked at me with pure disgust (keep in mind he promised to marry me 3 days before), and he started telling me how fucking ugly and worthless I am and he actually brought one of his friends so they can laugh at me together. It was a 1 hour video call, them laughing and making fun of me, and me just standing there stunned, speechless, listening to what they are saying. He never spoke to me ever again, it took me 5 months to stop crying about this. I don't think about it as much as I used to, but I'll never ever recover from the things he said.
Couple of months later I've met another boy online. Again, him being the kindest, most caring person in the world - I fell in love. I crave every tiny bit of attention. He started to turn things towards a very sexual way, and when I said that it's too much for me, he pulled away and basically told me he doesn't want anything serious and he doesn't understand why we have to be a couple in order to "have fun". He's doing this push-pull method with me ever since. He put me in friend zone (being fully aware that I love him more). As soon as I say that's enough and I detach myself from him, he comes back like the sweetest person on earth. But as soon as I get invested, he disappears and ignores all of my messages for weeks or even a month. I tell him about suicide and he doesn't even try to stop me or anything. It hurts like hell.

This is all of my experience with love. And I think the biggest bullshit on earth is the "you have to love yourself first" thing. No, it is a basic human need to receive love from others, you cannot love yourself if nobody loves you. I think this is absolute bullshit.
I cry all the time because I crave a feeling that I've never experienced before. What does it feel like to be important? What does it feel like when someone is happy to see you? Am I really that fucking ugly and worthless and I simply doesn't deserve love? Is there a place for me somewhere on this planet? Is there a home for me somewhere? Am I truly that disgusting and worse than any other people?
What does it feels like to be loved and cared for? How can I live like this any longer?
I truly feel physical pain in my chest. It is empty. If I die today, nobody will care. I am unlovable.

You only need yoursef in life

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

My father would beat me and yell at me for getting bad grades and to him this was his form of love. I often wish he had been more hands-off and just left me alone. I've long ago decided I don't care to ever experience fatherly love and I certainly don't need it either. The fictional character Garfield is more of a dad to me than my own father could ever hope to be.

My mother is far too damaged from her former relationship to my father for me to ever blame her. There were times when she soft-neglected me like when she used to be on the phone all of the time when I was a kid. I don't hold this against her though because she was clearly venting and crying about how poorly my father mistreated her, usually to her own mother. These days the worst thing about my mother is that she's a little airheaded. She clearly has brain fog from years of trauma and also has some bad spending habits and some light hoarding behavior. Her absentminded is frustrating but I can't hold it against her though I do sometimes wish she had been a bit smarter with her life choices but then again if that were true she never would have met my dad in the first place.

I am still loved by my friends but weirdly I don't really feel the same back towards them. I think it's because I resent them for being able to experience romantic love so easily.

I know that's not what this is about but to me this is the kind of love I truly can't live without and the kind I wish to die for being unable to experience. Familial and friendly love is fine but it just seems overrated. Maybe it's because I have yet to actually experience it but it really feels like romantic love is the apex variety of love there is in the world. Maybe for some people that still isn't enough though…

 

[L'absent]

I was never ever loved in my life and I truly think this is causing me unspeakable pain.
I am not talking about romantic love.
What if the two people in your life who are supposed to love you unconditionally - they never loved you at all?
My parents never ever showed love to me. We were living together, I've had food on the table and a place to sleep, but my mother was beating the shit out of me occasionally, and my father was really passive-aggressive, never present in our lives. They were happy with me as long as I was quiet, not causing any noise or trouble. They never loved me. I can't remember a single time when they hugged me or something. Now looking back I truly believe they are both narcissistic and absolutely horrible people for parenting.
I never ever experienced love.
All of my school years were miserable, zero friends, being bullied and laughed at. Zero love again.
I just started to try out myself in these romantic kinda things a year ago - I met a boy online, absolutely fell in love with him. He promised me the world and more, and for the first time I've finally felt like I belong somewhere. He ended up breaking my heart, soul, everything out of nowhere in the most horrible ways possible. One day he said let's have a video call. I thought it's going to be the usual, we talked all the time and I loved it. When his camera opened he looked at me with pure disgust (keep in mind he promised to marry me 3 days before), and he started telling me how fucking ugly and worthless I am and he actually brought one of his friends so they can laugh at me together. It was a 1 hour video call, them laughing and making fun of me, and me just standing there stunned, speechless, listening to what they are saying. He never spoke to me ever again, it took me 5 months to stop crying about this. I don't think about it as much as I used to, but I'll never ever recover from the things he said.
Couple of months later I've met another boy online. Again, him being the kindest, most caring person in the world - I fell in love. I crave every tiny bit of attention. He started to turn things towards a very sexual way, and when I said that it's too much for me, he pulled away and basically told me he doesn't want anything serious and he doesn't understand why we have to be a couple in order to "have fun". He's doing this push-pull method with me ever since. He put me in friend zone (being fully aware that I love him more). As soon as I say that's enough and I detach myself from him, he comes back like the sweetest person on earth. But as soon as I get invested, he disappears and ignores all of my messages for weeks or even a month. I tell him about suicide and he doesn't even try to stop me or anything. It hurts like hell.

This is all of my experience with love. And I think the biggest bullshit on earth is the "you have to love yourself first" thing. No, it is a basic human need to receive love from others, you cannot love yourself if nobody loves you. I think this is absolute bullshit.
I cry all the time because I crave a feeling that I've never experienced before. What does it feel like to be important? What does it feel like when someone is happy to see you? Am I really that fucking ugly and worthless and I simply doesn't deserve love? Is there a place for me somewhere on this planet? Is there a home for me somewhere? Am I truly that disgusting and worse than any other people?
What does it feels like to be loved and cared for? How can I live like this any longer?
I truly feel physical pain in my chest. It is empty. If I die today, nobody will care. I am unlovable.

A person who is looking for a serious relationship does not behave like those you have met in chat. A person looking for a serious relationship fills you with questions and awaits answers. A person who is looking for a serious relationship is willing to accept your questions and responds to you. Do you know why? Because whether it's a chat, a meeting at the bar, a walk, or a simple correspondence, those who want a serious relationship first of all want to KNOW YOU. And a person who wants a serious relationship responds to your messages and doesn't let hours pass in silence and then reply that he was busy or his aunt had severe knee pain, or his testicles fell off and he had to find the tape adhesive to secure them back to the scrotum. These people are fake, they live a lie, they make fun of you. But they are easily recognisable. When a person tells you that you are perfect, that he loves you, that he wants to marry you and he does so from the beginning of your first contact. When everything is beautiful, when everything is TOO MUCH, then it is probably a narcissistic personality and wants to make you believe that you have found everything you wanted. No, a person interested in a serious relationship asks you lots of questions and is willing to answer your questions. He stays with you for hours talking (on the phone or in person). The guy who was looking for sex without involvement was exposed before the other. Always be wary of those who are not interested in getting to know you and do not take the time to learn what you are like.
Learn to select people as you would in a factory sorting good products and bad products. This means loving yourself. Answering the key question: Yes, you can live without love. It can be done because love is not in our DNA. Love is a feeling and feelings are cultural. Without culture love cannot exist. Human beings are not even social animals. Human beings are just opportunists. He gathers in small groups when something threatens him and therefore has a selfish interest. Then the need is over, everyone goes their own way. Because if I don't need the other, I don't look for the other.

 

[lawlietsph]

We humans are social creatures and "love" (whatever that is exactly) is an essential part of our lives. A lack of love from early childhood leads to problems already. The parental love is the most basic need we have especially while we're growing up.

Your parents are responsible and the ones to be blamed for that. Idk how such a basic experience could ever be learned as an adult if we didn't learn/experience it during early childhood - like learning to speak.

Although it's mainly anonymous here, we care about you and you're certainly not unlovable!

I agree with everything you said. I wish they could've just love me instead of hitting or ignoring me.
It must be why I am so in love with these unavailable, emotionally fucked up men. :( I just want someone to pay attention to me. I would cut my arm off for a tiny bit of love and attention. It is pathetic.

HI I have similar experiences. i have never been loved. it hurts. what they did to you is horrifying. we are with you, we care. you deserve love don't doubt it!

Thank you so much! I am really sorry that we share the same experience :(

My father would beat me and yell at me for getting bad grades and to him this was his form of love. I often wish he had been more hands-off and just left me alone. I've long ago decided I don't care to ever experience fatherly love and I certainly don't need it either. The fictional character Garfield is more of a dad to me than my own father could ever hope to be.

My mother is far too damaged from her former relationship to my father for me to ever blame her. There were times when she soft-neglected me like when she used to be on the phone all of the time when I was a kid. I don't hold this against her though because she was clearly venting and crying about how poorly my father mistreated her, usually to her own mother. These days the worst thing about my mother is that she's a little airheaded. She clearly has brain fog from years of trauma and also has some bad spending habits and some light hoarding behavior. Her absentminded is frustrating but I can't hold it against her though I do sometimes wish she had been a bit smarter with her life choices but then again if that were true she never would have met my dad in the first place.

I am still loved by my friends but weirdly I don't really feel the same back towards them. I think it's because I resent them for being able to experience romantic love so easily.

I know that's not what this is about but to me this is the kind of love I truly can't live without and the kind I wish to die for being unable to experience. Familial and friendly love is fine but it just seems overrated. Maybe it's because I have yet to actually experience it but it really feels like romantic love is the apex variety of love there is in the world. Maybe for some people that still isn't enough though…

I am really sorry, I could relate to a lot of things you've said about your parents.
I wonder why do you feel like you are unable to experience romantic love? Is it because you can't find a partner or you actually feel like you can't love someone in that way? I'm sorry if this is a stupid question, I'm just wondering.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I agree with everything you said. I wish they could've just love me instead of hitting or ignoring me.
It must be why I am so in love with these unavailable, emotionally fucked up men. :( I just want someone to pay attention to me. I would cut my arm off for a tiny bit of love and attention. It is pathetic.

It's not pathetic! Love is a basic human need

 

[Alo97]

It must be why I am so in love with these unavailable, emotionally fucked up men. :( I just want someone to pay attention to me. I would cut my arm off for a tiny bit of love and attention. It is pathetic.

hey! it's not like that at all, you're not pathetic! you were just unlucky and ended up with the wrong people who took advantage of you. everyone needs attention, without it we feel unneeded and unwanted. i also dream of someone looking at me with love in their eyes, and even though i feel it will never come true, i think there's nothing wrong with that

 

[DeadEndRoad]

I feel you on that. No one has ever loved me either. I don't even think I could love anyone properly at this point, so I don't even try. But I still want it. I wish I didn't. I wish that part of your brain could be switched off somehow.

 

[AuroraB]

This advice is coming from a 62 year old woman who has been married and divorced more than once, mostly because I didn't wait long enough before truly knowing if we had a shared vision for long term.

I'm from a completely different generation where people met in school, at work, at social events, hobby clubs, church/temple, at cafes and airports, through family or friends (etc), through volunteer gigs.

I also had highly dysfunctional parents. My dad married 5 times, my mom married 3 times so grew up in ever-changing blended families...a revolving door of step-siblings and step-parents, etc.-

My mom suicided by gun when I was 28 after the failure of her 3rd marriage.

The majority of my gal pals from school days (middle/high school) are divorced and long single. Some now have grown kids and grandkids. When I was 21, I decided to not have children and had a sterilization procedure. The folks I know who are long term happily (or content-enough) married are few and rare.
Most of us have had a revolving door of lovers that last a few years and then vanish. This seems to be the norm. The most content folks I know are single women with decent jobs or soon-retiring ...with pets. Pets only break your heart when they die. I don't have pets because I don't want the responsibility but my friends with cats and dogs have lots of love and not a lot of human drama. Even my single guy friends with pets feel they are better off single than without the constant drama of a lover/partner.

As of the end of 2024, I have not been involved in any kind of romantic situationship since 2018. Lovers and "partners" come and go. Literally.

I have friends now since elementary, middle and high school ---meaning some of these friends I've known for more than 50 years. Many around 40-45 years. Lots for 20 years from former jobs. This is the love that lasts. It's not tainted by sexual or romantic drama or unrealistic expectations. True friendships. I don't live in the same city where I grew up any more but I see these folks when/if I travel back home and we talk on the phone or on video chat. We don't just text. We face-to-face or voice-to-voice.

I want to encourage you to find activities including volunteering in your community outside of school/work where you meet folks w/similar interests. It's here you will start to cultivate friendships that can last a lifetime. So cultivate some IN PERSON deep friendships with people in your own age range, with similar interests, also single, and form IN REAL LIFE community. Online is too sketchy and full of predatorial liars.

We are brainwashed since childhood with this "happily ever after" bullshyt. TV and movies and music (etc) and we're all looking for this magical love-thing that lasts. But it's really elusive. The best way to hold out and look for it is right where you live with real people who are accessible in person for coffee, lunch, walks, hang outs, etc....

Love requires TRUST and TRUST requires TIME and shared experiences, shared values, shared goals. I hope you find some friends who can develop long term love with. This love can last.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I am really sorry, I could relate to a lot of things you've said about your parents.
I wonder why do you feel like you are unable to experience romantic love? Is it because you can't find a partner or you actually feel like you can't love someone in that way? I'm sorry if this is a stupid question, I'm just wondering.

Not the latter one at all. I scored high on the capacity to love test after all.

I just can't find anyone because I'm inherently a bad person I guess.

 

[4everHeartBroken]

EVERYONE is deserving of love.

I believe there is so much cruelty and pain in this world that a very simple act of love, especially (healthy and consistent) parental love, could prevent.

Love is an extremely powerful emotion to give and to be lucky enough to receive.

 

[Alo97]

EVERYONE is deserving of love.

I believe there is so much cruelty and pain in this world that a very simple act of love, especially (healthy and consistent) parental love, could prevent.

Love is an extremely powerful emotion to give and to be lucky enough to receive.

you're right everyone, but it takes away my faith in god. i'm really trying. For the last time, i've been doing everything to be the best version of myself to deserve love to be worthy of it, but it hasn't worked. It doesn't matter how many workouts you do, how many books you read, or how kind a person you are. for some reason, we are doomed to fail.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I don't think that anybody can live without love... unless if you have a different neurotype like me that makes you not crave love but I'm within the minority which means that the rest rely on love to some extent. For the majority of people, wanting love is human nature and it seems like it'll always be that way for those people. I can't even fathom as to how somebody who wants love can suddenly not want it anymore. There are people who want to kill themselves because they don't get love which just goes to show how powerful this is

 

[4everHeartBroken]

you're right everyone, but it takes away my faith in god. i'm really trying. For the last time, i've been doing everything to be the best version of myself to deserve love to be worthy of it, but it hasn't worked. It doesn't matter how many workouts you do, how many books you read, or how kind a person you are. for some reason, we are doomed to fail.

I feel you… and I'm so sorry.
Love shouldn't been something we must seek. It should be given since day one of your birth. I believe it's everyone's birthright to be loved by their parents. If that wasn't the case, then I guess the saying is true, "Every child deserves a parent but not every parent deserves a child". I would take out "deserve" and put it "should have". You should be loved, unconditionally, no matter WHAT version you are of yourself. You can only be YOU and YOU are deserving of love. I know that sounds corny, but I believe that's how the world ticks. If nobody had love, then we'd all be angry, mean and afraid of each other. I wish love was more common in this world, so self love or self compassion is where you can find it. It's inside all of us. It's just harder for some people to find it, but it's in there, if you dig far enough. Being alone has helped me find myself. I don't ever want to depend on other people for my happiness. Been there, done that, got the tee shirt. If people don't love you for YOU, no matter WHO you are, then you just haven't met your tribe yet. I believe if everyone just accepted everyone at the very minimum, this world wouldn't be so frightening and depressing to live in. I'd rather be alone than have people in my life who hurt me. It's absolutely OK to be alone and it's always OK to be who you are.

Don't know you, but just from the bits I've read about you, I'm sending you love.

You ARE deserving of love!

 

[lnlybnny]

I'm sorry people have treated you this way. You are lovable and it's a shame they made you feel otherwise. As someone said above, love or the concept of it is something fundamental to us and your parents failed you in that regard.

I understand you, the lack of emotional support is, I believe, one of the reasons I've amounted to nothing in life and want desperately to ctb. To such point that when my fav artist showed love to me by ''simply'' giving me attention, looking at me, holding my hand and then hugging me afterwards when we met I became extremely limerent. That was one year ago and I'm still totally over the moon over it. I literally can't stop thinking about it 24/7 because she showed me an affection I never felt before, not like that. I know it's weird because it's something parasocial basically.

Anyway, from what I've read here you're always a nice person and I wish you can find someone who treats you well. I relate a lot to some things you share. Please feel free to pm me when you want to, you're not alone in this

 

[Alo97]

I feel you… and I'm so sorry.
Love shouldn't been something we must seek. It should be given since day one of your birth. I believe it's everyone's birthright to be loved by their parents. If that wasn't the case, then I guess the saying is true, "Every child deserves a parent but not every parent deserves a child". I would take out "deserve" and put it "should have". You should be loved, unconditionally, no matter WHAT version you are of yourself. You can only be YOU and YOU are deserving of love. I know that sounds corny, but I believe that's how the world ticks. If nobody had love, then we'd all be angry, mean and afraid of each other. I wish love was more common in this world, so self love or self compassion is where you can find it. It's inside all of us. It's just harder for some people to find it, but it's in there, if you dig far enough. Being alone has helped me find myself. I don't ever want to depend on other people for my happiness. Been there, done that, got the tee shirt. If people don't love you for YOU, no matter WHO you are, then you just haven't met your tribe yet. I believe if everyone just accepted everyone at the very minimum, this world wouldn't be so frightening and depressing to live in. I'd rather be alone than have people in my life who hurt me. It's absolutely OK to be alone and it's always OK to be who you are.

Don't know you, but just from the bits I've read about you, I'm sending you love.

You ARE deserving of love!

what you are talking about is a very lovely vision, and it's a pity that it doesn't work that way in everyone. i envy families where everything works as it should - it gives you a lot of opportunities when you can feel valuable and wanted at home. You know, all my life I've been alone and didn't have a problem with it, but I guess as I've gotten older I've noticed that all these people have something I don't have and never have had. i don't want to base my sense of self-worth or happiness on that, but i don't want to be lonely. it sounds selfish as if i just want to satisfy my need, but i think i could give a lot myself too. i don't feel like waiting to meet someone anymore. how much can you do? maybe i had a chance but i've always been shy and i don't notice the signals.
thanks for your sweet words , i send you love too, you are very kind

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I don't need love from any human not even from myself. the reasons i post here is mainly for suicide methods info. also to validate some ideas to help me defeat si. i don't post for personal validation.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

My father would beat me and yell at me for getting bad grades and to him this was his form of love.

Mine too. My mother also. School is absolute, complete hell. It is even worse when we cannot get a reprieve when we go home.

 

[Surai]

And so ill put the love on other things like the object in the corner of my room or the thoughts that flood my mind

 

[brokeandbroken]

I was never ever loved in my life and I truly think this is causing me unspeakable pain.
I am not talking about romantic love.
What if the two people in your life who are supposed to love you unconditionally - they never loved you at all?
My parents never ever showed love to me. We were living together, I've had food on the table and a place to sleep, but my mother was beating the shit out of me occasionally, and my father was really passive-aggressive, never present in our lives. They were happy with me as long as I was quiet, not causing any noise or trouble. They never loved me. I can't remember a single time when they hugged me or something. Now looking back I truly believe they are both narcissistic and absolutely horrible people for parenting.
I never ever experienced love.
All of my school years were miserable, zero friends, being bullied and laughed at. Zero love again.
I just started to try out myself in these romantic kinda things a year ago - I met a boy online, absolutely fell in love with him. He promised me the world and more, and for the first time I've finally felt like I belong somewhere. He ended up breaking my heart, soul, everything out of nowhere in the most horrible ways possible. One day he said let's have a video call. I thought it's going to be the usual, we talked all the time and I loved it. When his camera opened he looked at me with pure disgust (keep in mind he promised to marry me 3 days before), and he started telling me how fucking ugly and worthless I am and he actually brought one of his friends so they can laugh at me together. It was a 1 hour video call, them laughing and making fun of me, and me just standing there stunned, speechless, listening to what they are saying. He never spoke to me ever again, it took me 5 months to stop crying about this. I don't think about it as much as I used to, but I'll never ever recover from the things he said.
Couple of months later I've met another boy online. Again, him being the kindest, most caring person in the world - I fell in love. I crave every tiny bit of attention. He started to turn things towards a very sexual way, and when I said that it's too much for me, he pulled away and basically told me he doesn't want anything serious and he doesn't understand why we have to be a couple in order to "have fun". He's doing this push-pull method with me ever since. He put me in friend zone (being fully aware that I love him more). As soon as I say that's enough and I detach myself from him, he comes back like the sweetest person on earth. But as soon as I get invested, he disappears and ignores all of my messages for weeks or even a month. I tell him about suicide and he doesn't even try to stop me or anything. It hurts like hell.

This is all of my experience with love. And I think the biggest bullshit on earth is the "you have to love yourself first" thing. No, it is a basic human need to receive love from others, you cannot love yourself if nobody loves you. I think this is absolute bullshit.
I cry all the time because I crave a feeling that I've never experienced before. What does it feel like to be important? What does it feel like when someone is happy to see you? Am I really that fucking ugly and worthless and I simply doesn't deserve love? Is there a place for me somewhere on this planet? Is there a home for me somewhere? Am I truly that disgusting and worse than any other people?
What does it feels like to be loved and cared for? How can I live like this any longer?
I truly feel physical pain in my chest. It is empty. If I die today, nobody will care. I am unlovable.

Hey trust me I know the feeling. I'm 30 and feel the same way. Story of my life. Someone no one has ever given a shit about.

 

[isolatedl111]

You only need yoursef in life

yourself*

 

[lacustra]

People don't need much to live. Otherwise we wouldn't have a population today exceeding eight billions.

 

[lawlietsph]

I don't need love from any human not even from myself. the reasons i post here is mainly for suicide methods info. also to validate some ideas to help me defeat si. i don't post for personal validation.

I'm sorry if my post is bothering you in any way. I do need validation and just any tiny crumb of love. I don't have anyone except this forum so I apologize if this is something you don't like. Again, I am sorry if I was bothering you in any way.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I'm sorry if my post is bothering you in any way. I do need validation and just any tiny crumb of love. I don't have anyone except this forum so I apologize if this is something you don't like. Again, I am sorry if I was bothering you in any way.

your post didn't bother me . i was just responding to the title of the OP "how can a person live without love?" i don't need love .

i just see things differently , different philosophy etc. than any human it seems and this "everyone needs love" seems to be one of things that seems almost universally believed.

imo another human has the right to believe, want, or say what whatever they want to . it doesn't affect me or my real problems in any way what another human thinks or does or says in their own life.

to me nothing matters except me avoiding extreme suffering and unbearable pain: this sentence is the start of a 1000 page book.

 

[lawlietsph]

I'm sorry people have treated you this way. You are lovable and it's a shame they made you feel otherwise. As someone said above, love or the concept of it is something fundamental to us and your parents failed you in that regard.

I understand you, the lack of emotional support is, I believe, one of the reasons I've amounted to nothing in life and want desperately to ctb. To such point that when my fav artist showed love to me by ''simply'' giving me attention, looking at me, holding my hand and then hugging me afterwards when we met I became extremely limerent. That was one year ago and I'm still totally over the moon over it. I literally can't stop thinking about it 24/7 because she showed me an affection I never felt before, not like that. I know it's weird because it's something parasocial basically.

Anyway, from what I've read here you're always a nice person and I wish you can find someone who treats you well. I relate a lot to some things you share. Please feel free to pm me when you want to, you're not alone in this

Thank you I can pretty much relate to everything you've said. Limerence is horrible and I wish to never ever experience it again - but of course as I am typing this, my mind is already on my limerent subject
I just don't understand how to cope without emotional support. I really don't think it's possible to live like this. And when you talk about how you want to end your life and people's reaction is like "meh" it is another kind of pain.

 

[CallmeWill4719]

I have dealt with emotional abuse from parents but not physical. I can only say I understand that part well. What you went through with guys is what I'm afraid of happening and I'm so sorry for that. I just went through a breakup myself, both guys, and two months but it meant everything to me, but it ended because of his self loathing. So, not completely the same but still, just fucking awful. So yeah, when I hear ai or people or whoever I talk to about loving YOURSELF first, yeah, much easier said than done. Having someone love you for you is priceless.

Never had that many friends either, and when I did, I push them away. The guy I "met" was on here so I question my wisdom when I say this, if you need someone to talk to I'm here. Some of us here are more messed up than others but I'd like to think the only "toxic" thing about me is I'm just really sad and angry. Anyway I'll quit rambling, hopefully you have a few friends on here already who just get the struggle.

 

[lawlietsph]

I have dealt with emotional abuse from parents but not physical. I can only say I understand that part well. What you went through with guys is what I'm afraid of happening and I'm so sorry for that. I just went through a breakup myself, both guys, and two months but it meant everything to me, but it ended because of his self loathing. So, not completely the same but still, just fucking awful. So yeah, when I hear ai or people or whoever I talk to about loving YOURSELF first, yeah, much easier said than done. Having someone love you for you is priceless.

Emotional abuse is just as bad as physical, so I am really really sorry. And yeah, to be honest I don't think I'll ever trust a guy again It's awful because I have so much love and care to give, but people are abusing it and playing with it. Sometimes I feel like I am made from glass or something, and these dudes have no problem throwing me around like there's no tomorrow. I don't understand why they don't want to be loved and looked after. I just don't understand people in general.
How could you ever love yourself when all you've ever heard in your lifetime was "You're ugly, x and y is so much better than you, stop being so sensitive, stop being so emotional, stop wearing this, stop acting like this, you should go and do this, you should start eating this, why are you eating, why are you here, ugly fat bitch kill yourself, your father and I would be better off without you, stop this, stop that, why are you like this, why don't you shut up" etc... How can someone love themselves? I don't get it.

 

[CallmeWill4719]

Emotional abuse is just as bad as physical, so I am really really sorry. And yeah, to be honest I don't think I'll ever trust a guy again It's awful because I have so much love and care to give, but people are abusing it and playing with it. Sometimes I feel like I am made from glass or something, and these dudes have no problem throwing me around like there's no tomorrow. I don't understand why they don't want to be loved and looked after. I just don't understand people in general.
How could you ever love yourself when all you've ever heard in your lifetime was "You're ugly, x and y is so much better than you, stop being so sensitive, stop being so emotional, stop wearing this, stop acting like this, you should go and do this, you should start eating this, why are you eating, why are you here, ugly fat bitch kill yourself, your father and I would be better off without you, stop this, stop that, why are you like this, why don't you shut up" etc... How can someone love themselves? I don't get it.

I don't want to push this of course, out of respect but I do mean that when I say I can be your friend. Always happy to help someone but yet not myself lol do you have any friends here, just curious? Sorry for my late response I think just met a friend on here and it's nice, just trying to repay that kindness you know? Otherwise I'm sorry for your troubles as well. All I can say is just keep going because we are worth more than what so many idiots have told us. It's HARD I know, that's why even online friends just comforts me at the very least. Can't help everyone as much I'd like to.