NSFW How awkward is it to talk about masturbation in a self-help group?

[noname223]

I had my self-help group. There were two newbies. One was a woman that told us she struggles to open up in front of others. Afterwards she was very open and explicit about her traumatas and mental struggles. We were surprised how open she was and complimented her. Later she added she only struggles to open up in front of friends because she is scared to lose them if she is too honest. (Tbh imo If a friend does that he is not worth to be my friend.) In front of strangers she has no issues to open up as we found out later.

Later in the conversation she started to talk about masturbation. That sometimes when she masturbates she randomly starts crying. And it ruins her sexual experience. It was not one sentence. Rather 3-4. I shared the role of the moderator today with someone else. And when she said it gladly I was not the moderator. He handled it very well. It felt so awkward. I would have frozen as moderator. She genuinely wanted to talk about her masturbation experience. If I had been the moderator I would have had to tell her my view on it. Which I would have rejected. I looked at the face of the other newbie and he had to chuckle hard. I did not dare to look at the woman where I had/have a crush in that moment.

I don't even dare to talk about masturbation on Sanctioned Suicide an anonymous suicide forum. I did not feel comfortable in that moment.

I am against the concept of trauma dumping. And I am not angry or offended. It was just weird. I get what strangers think is unnecessary. But you know many in self-help groups have sexual traumatas. It is not something everyone wants to talk about. Interestingly, we never talked about side effects of medication. And despite the fact we say sexuality is on the agenda of this group. I never witnessed a meeting where we talked openly about sexuality. I think it is too awkward for everyone.

 

[TheHolySword]

I think it depends on the guidelines of the group. People have all kinds of struggles that they want to talk about. Maybe Day One isn't the time to talk about such a personal topic but different groups have different rules about what can be talked about. Not everyone is comfortable with this kind of topic, understandably, and how the group feels is more important. I wouldn't talk about it myself but I wouldn't mind if someone else did. Everyone deserves a space to talk about their traumas and how it's affecting them, even if it's a bit NSFW (obviously though it should be an appropriate forum)

 

[GoSan1]

I had my self-help group. There were two newbies. One was a woman that told us she struggles to open up in front of others. Afterwards she was very open and explicit about her traumatas and mental struggles. We were surprised how open she was and complimented her. Later she added she only struggles to open up in front of friends because she is scared to lose them if she is too honest. (Tbh imo If a friend does that he is not worth to be my friend.) In front of strangers she has no issues to open up as we found out later.

Later in the conversation she started to talk about masturbation. That sometimes when she masturbates she randomly starts crying. And it ruins her sexual experience. It was not one sentence. Rather 3-4. I shared the role of the moderator today with someone else. And when she said it gladly I was not the moderator. He handled it very well. It felt so awkward. I would have frozen as moderator. She genuinely wanted to talk about her masturbation experience. If I had been the moderator I would have had to tell her my view on it. Which I would have rejected. I looked at the face of the other newbie and he had to chuckle hard. I did not dare to look at the woman where I had/have a crush in that moment.

I don't even dare to talk about masturbation on Sanctioned Suicide an anonymous suicide forum. I did not feel comfortable in that moment.

I am against the concept of trauma dumping. And I am not angry or offended. It was just weird. I get what strangers think is unnecessary. But you know many in self-help groups have sexual traumatas. It is not something everyone wants to talk about. Interestingly, we never talked about side effects of medication. And despite the fact we say sexuality is on the agenda of this group. I never witnessed a meeting where we talked openly about sexuality. I think it is too awkward for everyone.

it is a self-help group, and most of those offer help for all experiences. It can be a weird topic, but it shouldn't be looked down upon. Just as much as porn addiction can ruin one's life. Most people in such groups are adults and teenagers, who all should be mature enough to talk about such things, therefor IMO totally normal...

 

[mrpeter]

really the topic of masturbation is what makes you uncomfortable oh its so scary how dare they

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think anyone's brave for talking about themselves in front of a group. About anything but then- I struggle to talk in groups.

I get why you would feel embarassed. It's not something people often freely admit to. Still, why shouldn't we? It's a part of life (or, some of our lives.) Would you have been more comfortable if it was a man talking about it do you think? Or, if someone talked about their sex life with a partner?

Is it because you think it's wrong to do it? Or, it just makes you feel uncomfortable/ embarassed that people might think you do it? Sorry- that's kind of direct!

A friend of mine at school once made some reference to it and it went completely over my head! I was so naive.

I used to feel so embarassed about it too. On the one hand, I still feel ashamed about it because I'm not at all attractive. I don't want to inflict that image on anyone! On the other hand though, I see it as so discriminatory. Maybe the majority of people have needs and desires- no matter how they look or, what sex they are. Why wouldn't we try to fulfil them? And yeah- I understand the crying thing too. It can be very emotional and make you feel more lonely.

That's what I've never really understood with casual sex. I don't think I could do it without attaching love and emotions to it. So- I don't see how that would work too well if you barely know the person! That's just my feelings around it though. Do they care and connect for a brief period or, is there no connection at all? Is it all just getting their rocks off? Lol.

I think it can be a relief to talk about these sorts of things though. I'm kind of surprised people haven't discussed it before in your group. I would have thought lots of uncomfortable topics come up. That's what it's for- surely? Are there guidelines as to what's off limits? I guess certain subjects could be very triggering for people.

 

[noname223]

I think anyone's brave for talking about themselves in front of a group. About anything but then- I struggle to talk in groups.

I get why you would feel embarassed. It's not something people often freely admit to. Still, why shouldn't we? It's a part of life (or, some of our lives.) Would you have been more comfortable if it was a man talking about it do you think? Or, if someone talked about their sex life with a partner?

Is it because you think it's wrong to do it? Or, it just makes you feel uncomfortable/ embarassed that people might think you do it? Sorry- that's kind of direct!

A friend of mine at school once made some reference to it and it went completely over my head! I was so naive.

I used to feel so embarassed about it too. On the one hand, I still feel ashamed about it because I'm not at all attractive. I don't want to inflict that image on anyone! On the other hand though, I see it as so discriminatory. Maybe the majority of people have needs and desires- no matter how they look or, what sex they are. Why wouldn't we try to fulfil them? And yeah- I understand the crying thing too. It can be very emotional and make you feel more lonely.

That's what I've never really understood with casual sex. I don't think I could do it without attaching love and emotions to it. So- I don't see how that would work too well if you barely know the person! That's just my feelings around it though. Do they care and connect for a brief period or, is there no connection at all? Is it all just getting their rocks off? Lol.

I think it can be a relief to talk about these sorts of things though. I'm kind of surprised people haven't discussed it before in your group. I would have thought lots of uncomfortable topics come up. That's what it's for- surely? Are there guidelines as to what's off limits? I guess certain subjects could be very triggering for people.

I talk with my friends about masturbation too and also in a very explicit way.

We never discussed in this group before and I am that group since 1 year.

First I was not sure whether I really understood her correctly. What made me uncomfortable was how she said it. I had the feeling she wanted to ask whether others can relate and their opinion on it. At least the moderator had to comment on it. And if I had been the moderator I could not have handled it that well. I feel sort of ashamed how inexperienced I am in sex things.

I think it is obvious that most people in this group have sexual issues when they take mental health medication. We never talk about it.
I had the feeling because we are strangers she can tell us literally anything. I am not sure whether we will see her ever again. Because with this logic soon we are more than strangers and not fitted to talk to anymore.

 

[needthebus]

it's a self-help group so the akwardness depends on the clarity of the group expectations