How are your preparations going?

[nihilistic_dragon]

Mine not so good. I have a date on my calendar exactly one month from now to start buying some things, booking flights, hotels, etc. Ctb date is at least three-four months away but I need to book things in advance. I was scrolling my calendar the other day after not seeing it in a long time. When I saw that the date is only four weeks away I got an uneasy feeling. Shit's about to get real. I have no other choice.

Like all people, I sometimes procrastinate. Except that I do it for one and only reason - I always hope that something happens that prevents me from having to do the task lol. I am very tempted to postpone the dates. But I cannot. It's like going in for a tooth extraction. You know you have to do it. You don't want the pain of the surgery but you can't leave that painful tooth in your mouth either.

I am so sick of this bullshit existence. Exhausted, tired of getting disappointed over and over, of accumulating problems, of finding no meaning in anything.

 

[Just_Another_Person]

I have all the ingredients/equipment ready, but first I need to plan and execute somethings before I ctb. And I'm both too tired and procrastinating to do it. Hopefully after the next week I will be back on track.

 

[LifeIsASadist]

I can't even prepare because I have trouble buying SN.

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

I have all the ingredients/equipment ready, but first I need to plan and execute somethings before I ctb. And I'm both too tired and procrastinating to do it. Hopefully after the next week I will be back on track.

How does it feel for you to have your method ready?

I can't even prepare because I have trouble buying SN.

I hear you :( If I can't find my preferred method, I will have to resort to SN as well, and that's a whole other story...

 

[SufferingDev]

Sadly they are not going. I cant get the courage.

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

Sadly they are not going. I cant get the courage.

I understand that :( SI is a bitch.

 

[Agon321]

I have no fucking idea.
If I had been consistent with my CTB plans, I should be dead by now...but you're reading my comment now.

I've been waiting so long that my Domperidone has expired, but theoretically the meds can be effective even 10 years after the expiration date, so I'm not really concerned about that.

My life is currently teetering on a thin line and my death is relatively close, but I don't know how close. A week, a month, 2 months, 3 months...who knows.

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

I have no fucking idea.
If I had been consistent with my CTB plans, I should be dead by now...but you're reading my comment now.

I've been waiting so long that my Domperidone has expired, but theoretically the meds can be effective even 10 years after the expiration date, so I'm not really concerned about that.

My life is currently teetering on a thin line and my death is relatively close, but I don't know how close. A week, a month, 2 months, 3 months...who knows.

Potency will probably decrease with time as they expire so you'd probably need to increase the dose.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish I had the option to just painlessly free myself from this existence I always saw as so futile and torturous but of course the suffering just continues instead, I find it so dreadful to be trapped in this existence that only ever caused me pain. All I wish and hope for is to never suffer in this existence again, permanent non-existence truly is all that's desirable to me, I should have ceased existing a while ago but really I never should have suffered at all.

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

I wish I had the option to just painlessly free myself from this existence I always saw as so futile and torturous but of course the suffering just continues instead, I find it so dreadful to be trapped in this existence that only ever caused me pain. All I wish and hope for is to never suffer in this existence again, permanent non-existence truly is all that's desirable to me, I should have ceased existing a while ago but really I never should have suffered at all.

I know, I just wish I could press some button and erase myself completely as if I never existed.

 

[Just_Another_Person]

How does it feel for you to have your method ready?

Pretty good, the last weeks have been quite enjoyable.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I can't prepare at all since I can't do anything due to being trapped with extremely strict and overprotective parents

 

[Shiva_Story]

Counting down the days. I've got everything except benzos ready 4 SN method.

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

I can't prepare at all since I can't do anything due to being trapped with extremely strict and overprotective parents

I understand, I had the same when I was growing up.

Counting down the days. I've got everything except benzos ready 4 SN method.

Lucky you! Will you still take it if you don't get benzos?

 

[[EmptySpace]]

I don't know... I have a special date when I want to ctb, but it's on summer. I think I'll ctb much earlier.
Aaaaa!!! Actually I wanted to ctb two weeks ago and even told this to my friends. (I know that they won't stop me because they don't believe that I'm really planning to ctb). And I told them this to make it easier for me to overcome Si. Like... I said this -> I did this. But that day my relatives came unexpectedly and I was not home alone :(

Now I put a rope in my backpack and take it with me everywhere. It makes me calm

 

[pariah80]

Good. I'm in the endgame. I've booked my hotel room. I've made reservations for my final dinner. I've gotten all my affairs taken care of. I'm just trying to enjoy my remaining days in this hellscape. I'm getting a lot more joy out of some things. I'm actually calm and excited to leave here. I'm not worried about pain nor failure anymore, as success is all but assured. I can honestly watch what's happening with this world and breathe a sigh of relief that I won't be here to see all play out.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I understand, I had the same when I was growing up.

Unfortunately I won't ever be independent due to my autism. If I could be independent, I would have already killed myself

 

[NegevChina]

For me I've got a lot of equipment ready because I keep changing my mind about the method. Got a grill and a bag of charcoal briquets in my car. Got CO detectors ready. Found a remote location where I wont be found for 24 hrs. Got 2 types of rope in my car in case I decide hanging. Got a preferred location for jumping. Came up with an idea of how to land head first. Found best location to be hit by train. But I keep procrastinating waiting may be for a miracle or to die of a heart attack. I think I'm so weak, if I get the flue I'll die.

 

[divinemistress36]

Have the stuff but not the courage or energy

 

[rotciv]

Already bought two bottles of Pentobarbital, will sell one to pay my debts and goodbye World.

 

[Unspoken7612]

I have SN and meto.

Steps remaining:

- wait until end of March
- buy benzos (think I have a supplier but unsure if he's legit)
- book hotel somewhere in my country but not at home - think I know where I want to go.

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

Good. I'm in the endgame. I've booked my hotel room. I've made reservations for my final dinner. I've gotten all my affairs taken care of. I'm just trying to enjoy my remaining days in this hellscape. I'm getting a lot more joy out of some things. I'm actually calm and excited to leave here. I'm not worried about pain nor failure anymore, as success is all but assured. I can honestly watch what's happening with this world and breathe a sigh of relief that I won't be here to see all play out.

Keep us posted on how things proceed until then. As always, my best wishes for a peaceful journey to you.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Still at square one, I'm still clinging onto some shred of hope that life may get better, at least until I'm done with college. With my uncertainty regarding majors, no clue when that will be, so I don't even have a general date anymore, it all depends on if I stay in my major or switch.

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

Still at square one, I'm still clinging onto some shred of hope that life may get better, at least until I'm done with college. With my uncertainty regarding majors, no clue when that will be, so I don't even have a general date anymore, it all depends on if I stay in my major or switch.

I hear you. I've postponed so many times because I kept hoping it would get better. It only got worse and worse.
Now I am tempted to postpone again but not because of hope. I've lost all hope. It's just the SI talking now.