Discussion How are you spending your time before ctb?

[starlightsun]

I'm curious how others are spending their time before their checkout date.

Any activity I can think of (apart from the necessary ones) seems empty and pointless. I'm just waiting, bored if anything. Music and driving are the only things that make me feel slightly more 'alive'.

Wbu?

 

[DeathSleep]

Thanks to depression I'm not too interested in anything and feel pretty unmotivated. So, I'm just waiting as well. For the right time.
Food is the only thing I still enjoy sometimes.

 

[starlightsun]

I feel you. Yes food is a passing pleasure for me as well

 

[LastBusHome]

I've been feeling pretty listless the closer I get to doing it. So mostly I've just been aimlessly scrolling reddit and watching random shit on YouTube. On the rare occasion I paint, grind ranked on Apex Legends (read: I'm a masochist), or I chase endorphins at the gym (great for cardio).

 

[SirCalvinXIV]

Lots of music, and a tad bit of writing (whenever I have the energy, that is) - helps keep me calm and take my mind off the inevitable. Savouring the last flavors of life, yk?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Current circumstances are bringing me very close to CTBing right now. I'm pretty much listless, all hopes are gone, more and more every day. There's a big emptiness around me. I can't do anything. Everything bores me, except being active here.

 

[deomlez]

I work a lot (i love my job) i read i write i think think think and i make as if to hide myself from the rest of the world (eating although i hate to eat, smiling sometimes, exchanging with other people).

 

[love_peep]

Usually when I am extremely sad, I sit and listen to music, it calms me down. Or watch videos on YouTube.Unfortunately, due to my condition, I am extremely bored and apart from music and cigarettes, nothing really helps me.

 

[FuneralCry]

Sadly I have no plans to leave in the near future as suicide just isn't straightforward in this cruel, horrible world, there are so many risks and complications involved in trying to die. And the fact is that if one doesn't find a way to leave they basically have no choice but to continue, I'm tired of being trapped in the same empty existence enduring this futile process of slowly dying where only more suffering lies ahead, but it's just the reality. Time will pass no matter what but still, even one second in this world is one painful second too long.

 

[TAW122]

I would say that I would live as normally as possible (for obvious reasons), but also coming to peace with the inevitable.

 

[Dark Moon]

Not a lot really just the internet and some games before my time comes.

 

[outrider567]

I'm curious how others are spending their time before their checkout date.

Any activity I can think of (apart from the necessary ones) seems empty and pointless. I'm just waiting, bored if anything. Music and driving are the only things that make me feel slightly more 'alive'.

Wbu?

Yep, everything is empty and pointless, and for me, that also includes music

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

Listening to music and watching crime documentaries…. Tbh my mind is just thinking about when I will complete ctb, I just want out of here…..

 

[inmyhead]

Watching Gilmore girls and playing the new Zelda game haha. I can't muster up the energy to do anything.

 

[Vizzy]

I'm curious how others are spending their time before their checkout date.

Any activity I can think of (apart from the necessary ones) seems empty and pointless. I'm just waiting, bored if anything. Music and driving are the only things that make me feel slightly more 'alive'.

Wbu?

I am just vacationing (hiding) in Thailand for more than 1 year now

I am drinking, weed, recently went to a concert, now have a beautiful Thai gf, in the start randomly fucking many girls, eating different foods, tried drugs but I am not a big fan of it, go to swimming everyday with my Thai girlfriend, did scuba diving, sky diving, first time got std specifically Gonorrhea lol but I am free from it now haha

So pretty much did everything in life and now I am ready for ctb next month!

 

[ongoingo]

I feel so empty and at the same confused. I'm acting randomly switching between movies, music, games, internet and doing absolutely nothing. Cooking is the only thing that keep me right.

 

[ringo99]

Quit my job (assuming I'm still employed), play all the single player PC games I've been putting off for a couple of years now, spend at least a month in Thailand for, you know ;), catch up on movies and shows that I've been meaning to watch, spend some time with my nephews and niece if they're not sick of me, spend time with my mom. This is what I want right now but it could change in the future.

 

[starlightsun]

Sadly I have no plans to leave in the near future as suicide just isn't straightforward in this cruel, horrible world, there are so many risks and complications involved in trying to die. And the fact is that if one doesn't find a way to leave they basically have no choice but to continue, I'm tired of being trapped in the same empty existence enduring this futile process of slowly dying where only more suffering lies ahead, but it's just the reality. Time will pass no matter what but still, even one second in this world is one painful second too long.

I'm so sorry for your situation. I also worry about the complications and things not going to plan. But I have to try because every minute here is mental torture for me as well and it's never going to get better.

I know exactly what you mean. It's sick that we are basically forced to come into existence in this world, no choice but to endure our life circumstances or 'fate', and that leaving is difficult, most often painful and lonely. I sincerely hope you find your way to peace.

 

[grateful409]

Music and driving FTW

I'm curious how others are spending their time before their checkout date.

Any activity I can think of (apart from the necessary ones) seems empty and pointless. I'm just waiting, bored if anything. Music and driving are the only things that make me feel slightly more 'alive'.

Wbu

 

[deomlez]

Listening to music and watching crime documentaries…. Tbh my mind is just thinking about when I will complete ctb, I just want out of here…..

True crime is always a good source of information. I m worry about my family cause i want to avoid any risk they may be charge about my death.

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

True crime is always a good source of information. I m worry about my family cause i want to avoid any risk they may be charge about my death.

Well I have always been fascinated with crime documentaries way before I started thinking about ctb….Charge about your death ? What do you mean by that ?

 

[The anhedonic one]

Sleeping as much as possible. Or doing whatever it takes to distract me from reality.
Sometimes I pretend that life is just a videogame, and everything around me isn't real.
Sounds weird but it helps me cope and not take life so seriously.

 

[Netvor]

I'm curious how others are spending their time before their checkout date.

Any activity I can think of (apart from the necessary ones) seems empty and pointless. I'm just waiting, bored if anything. Music and driving are the only things that make me feel slightly more 'alive'.

Wbu?

So much music
Trying to do the things that made me comfortable again cause i am always uncomfortable

Watching things that used to mean alot to me

I can't seem to have the same enjoyment because life has changed and i am filled with more uncomfortability and thoughts but
I still get a hint of what i used to like.

 

[CHA0S]

Listening to music, playing videogames, painting. Yeah, pretty much it.

 

[AnxietyHangover]

As the others mentioned, music, video games, my time will be up really soon so yeah, trying to live a normal life in these last days of existence.

 

[savoytruffle]

Music, tv shows, maybe a movie. ive given up on anything that requires even the smallest bit of effort, like guitar. what's the point in doing that

 

[soontobec0rpse]

I'm curious how others are spending their time before their checkout date.

Any activity I can think of (apart from the necessary ones) seems empty and pointless. I'm just waiting, bored if anything. Music and driving are the only things that make me feel slightly more 'alive'.

Wbu?

i see alot of people saying they want to do nothing. i understand it since this is all sorta futile, but i have alot of things that i'm doing. i want to live as "happily" as i can before i go. there's a girl i like, i'm a little worried about how my death will effect her so i'm trying to ease the pain before it happens. make sure she knows that it's not her fault, how much i love her and want her to be successful and find peace, however she may do that. at this point she's really the only reason i'm still living, and i want her to know how much she meant to me, gonna spend alot of time with her. other than that i'm gonna make a few good art peices too, meaningful ones that'll leave some hint to how i experienced life for those who couldnt tell. play the video games on my pc that i've put off for so long since i never had the motivation to complete them. and then there's the things directly assosiated to my death. i need to write a thoughtful suicide note, one for whoever finds me, and one to that girl i mentioned. after i've chosen my ctb method, i'm going to choose a beautiful location. i want to die in a beautiful state of body, place, and mind. and other than that i don't have much i look forward to. maybe eat some good food too.

 

[thrutrekfinaly]

been relaxing, not taking life or the current events too seriously. Planning my funeral and upgrading my gardening skills. The tiny plant is what the first to hibiscus plants looked like last year. Now both are showing a great deal of buds and should be a great bloom this year. They were all dying trying the same thing on the tiny one right now. Family gave up hope on it, poor plant. I love gardening cause it's taught me even the most hopeless dying plant can be brought back with some nurturing and pruning. It's too bad society doesn't operate the same way cause I truely believe the world could be "blooming" or more peaceful if the 1% or corporate elites were willing to help nurture the potential in our society.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

i see alot of people saying they want to do nothing. i understand it since this is all sorta futile, but i have alot of things that i'm doing. i want to live as "happily" as i can before i go. there's a girl i like, i'm a little worried about how my death will effect her so i'm trying to ease the pain before it happens. make sure she knows that it's not her fault, how much i love her and want her to be successful and find peace, however she may do that. at this point she's really the only reason i'm still living, and i want her to know how much she meant to me, gonna spend alot of time with her. other than that i'm gonna make a few good art peices too, meaningful ones that'll leave some hint to how i experienced life for those who couldnt tell. play the video games on my pc that i've put off for so long since i never had the motivation to complete them. and then there's the things directly assosiated to my death. i need to write a thoughtful suicide note, one for whoever finds me, and one to that girl i mentioned. after i've chosen my ctb method, i'm going to choose a beautiful location. i want to die in a beautiful state of body, place, and mind. and other than that i don't have much i look forward to. maybe eat some good food too.

your words are saying that you have a life in front of you before the time for CTB approaches. It's always good to have a ready developed CTB plan for an emergency case.

Currently I have nothing to do any more just waiting .... I'll see.

 

[dreamist]

For me I'd probably spend my time being as happy as possible. Doing art, hanging out with a possible ctb partner, food, hanging out outside with friends, etc. That way I can get rid of any fears I may have.