Venting How am I supposed to live like this???

[Haunted_One]

So, I'm new here and still not sure about when or how I want to cbt. I'm normally a person who bounces back, but I just don't think I can do it anymore. I was always depressed, suicidal even as a little kid. But I just kept pushing it off. But a couple years ago some jackass drunk driver hit me on my way home from work. I lost my leg and had a fuck ton of injuries that everyone says I should be grateful I survived.



But what's there to be grateful for? Chronic pain? A quarter million in medical debt? I lost everything and I still keep losing. I don't think I have a future because there's not digging myself out of the mess someone else made for me. Doesn't help everyone still nags me about being grateful when all I want to scream back is that I wish the asshole had at least finished the job.



I'm so angry and my heads all fucked up but I know I won't be able to live with the pain for much longer. I'm thinking about IG, but I'm not sure where to get the gas. I've got scuba equipment but those gases are mixed to keep a person alive.

 

[MildlyBetter]

I think one really silly concept about life that many people hold for some reason is that it is a gift. I am not a big doomer guy who thinks like "oh we should all just kill ourselves regardless of situation" or something, but no life is inherently worth living, and shaming people for feeling that way about their own lives is so disgusting imo, especially when they're in situations as fucked as you are. I hope you pull through bro, but you should do what is best for you, and I hope you find peace in whatever option you decide to choose.

 

[Haunted_One]

I think one really silly concept about life that many people hold for some reason is that it is a gift. I am not a big doomer guy who thinks like "oh we should all just kill ourselves regardless of situation" or something, but no life is inherently worth living, and shaming people for feeling that way about their own lives is so disgusting imo, especially when they're in situations as fucked as you are. I hope you pull through bro, but you should do what is best for you, and I hope you find peace in whatever option you decide to choose.

Yeah, it definitely doesn't feel at all like a gift. I just don't know how this happened, like my life wasn't good before this...it was ok I guess. But now it's like a fucking nightmare I didn't even get to choose.

 

[Untimely]

So, I'm new here and still not sure about when or how I want to cbt. I'm normally a person who bounces back, but I just don't think I can do it anymore. I was always depressed, suicidal even as a little kid. But I just kept pushing it off. But a couple years ago some jackass drunk driver hit me on my way home from work. I lost my leg and had a fuck ton of injuries that everyone says I should be grateful I survived.



But what's there to be grateful for? Chronic pain? A quarter million in medical debt? I lost everything and I still keep losing. I don't think I have a future because there's not digging myself out of the mess someone else made for me. Doesn't help everyone still nags me about being grateful when all I want to scream back is that I wish the asshole had at least finished the job.



I'm so angry and my heads all fucked up but I know I won't be able to live with the pain for much longer. I'm thinking about IG, but I'm not sure where to get the gas. I've got scuba equipment but those gases are mixed to keep a person alive.

i don't have much to add other than that driver is a total POS person and i'm really sorry that happened to you.

 

[LateForTheBus]

I hate people who preach the "You should be grateful" BS. I'm so very sorry that happened to you and that those around you are just adding insult to injury. We're here for you and respect whatever decision you make. For now, do you have any outlet for your anger? I know that stuff can really eat away at you and hope you have something that helps - a pet, music, whatever. (Hugs)

 

[storeboughtisfine]

Disabilities steal so much from us. I'm so sorry. I'm also struggling with medical debt and chronic conditions that cripple me.

You deserve to be pain-free, and it's just not fair that someone's bad choices led to your life being ruined. Thinking of you, much love.

 

[EmpathyMinded]

So, I'm new here and still not sure about when or how I want to cbt. I'm normally a person who bounces back, but I just don't think I can do it anymore. I was always depressed, suicidal even as a little kid. But I just kept pushing it off. But a couple years ago some jackass drunk driver hit me on my way home from work. I lost my leg and had a fuck ton of injuries that everyone says I should be grateful I survived.



But what's there to be grateful for? Chronic pain? A quarter million in medical debt? I lost everything and I still keep losing. I don't think I have a future because there's not digging myself out of the mess someone else made for me. Doesn't help everyone still nags me about being grateful when all I want to scream back is that I wish the asshole had at least finished the job.



I'm so angry and my heads all fucked up but I know I won't be able to live with the pain for much longer. I'm thinking about IG, but I'm not sure where to get the gas. I've got scuba equipment but those gases are mixed to keep a person alive.

If you need to yell at them, you should. Express your feelings. Whether you decide to stay or go, let them know you are here now.

I know it makes little difference, but I'm sorry about what happened to you. Those consequences for them are a joke. I'm assuming you are somewhere in the States right? There should be harsher penalties on those who drunk drive and cause something like that, and on the flip side health care should be far cheaper than it is; paying for someone else's mistakes should never be acceptable in any just society.

Appreciate you opening up and sharing about your pain. I know that's never easy, so I respect you making yourself vulnerable and sorry to hear you are feeling so low. Whatever you decide, I hope you can find as many little moments to take your mind off things as you can. Sending love your way.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrible what you have to go through, it's such a hellish world we exist in where people suffer so much all through no fault of their own. Those people who say to be more grateful really are insensitive to me, I bet they wouldn't be saying that if they were in the same situation, I hate how many people are unable to accept the fact that not everyone wishes to exist here. But anyway I hope that you eventually find the freedom you are searching for.

 

[GasMonkey]

I've got scuba equipment but those gases are mixed to keep a person alive.

You can connect a SCUBA regulator to an inert gas cylinder using an adapter. The adapter is region-dependent and is not available in all regions. Where are you from?​