How am I supposed to feel?

[LonelyLight]

I know this is not the usual post but I have nowhere else I can talk about this.
I don't know what people are going to make of it, but my mother text me tonight, drunk out of her mind, pretty much saying "I can't cope anymore, I love u, it's time for me to go"
I phoned her and shes absolutely twisted drunk.
But, I got scared, I was scared that she would do something, I'm still scared now that she will. She told me she was gonna throw herself into the river (she lives across from one)
I guess I'm conflicted that here I am on a forum like this, researching myself and wishing others well when they decide to go, yet when it comes to my own mother, who has been an alcoholic most of my life, I have a huge fear and pray that she would never take her life.
Am I selfish?? Selfish to tell her not to and then I go ahead and do it??
Is anyone else in a position like this that a family member is also suicidal?
I hope people don't get angry at this post. I have always believed in choice and people having one. But my mother has never lived, only in a pub. I wish she would get help.

 

[JSauter]

I would feel exactly the same as you. So if you're a hypocrite, so am I.

 

[Darkhaven]

No, you are not selfish in any way.
You're a daughter and you got a heart. That's why you are worried about your mother and don't want her to kill herself.
It's the most natural of feelings.
Most human beings in your place would feel the same and that's totally fine.
Don't think that because we openly and coldly talk about suicide and death in here, the rest of the people out there do the same.
Your reaction is totally expectable and normal.
You don't want to see your mother in the same position as you and that's actually the opposite of being a selfish person.
Just hang in there and try to help your mother as much as you can.
Sometimes it's the only thing we got left in this miserable and horrible world.

 

[LonelyLight]

No, you are not selfish in any way.
You're a daughter and you got a heart. That's why you are worried about your mother and don't want her to kill herself.
It's the most natural of feelings.
Most human beings in your place would feel the same and that's totally fine.
Don't think that because we openly and coldly talk about suicide and death in here, the rest of the people out there do the same.
Your reaction is totally expectable and normal.
You don't want to see your mother in the same position as you and that's actually the opposite of being a selfish person.
Just hang in there and try to help your mother as much as you can.
Sometimes it's the only thing we got left in this miserable and horrible world.

Thank you for your words I feel like you understand.
It's an awful situation, I've always loved my mother despite everything with the alcohol and she wasnt home much. But I'm sad because the older I get the more I understand why she wants to drink all the time, to alleviate the pain of this life. Again, thank you

I would feel exactly the same as you. So if you're a hypocrite, so am I.

Thank you, it's nice to know others see where I am coming from, it just feels fucked up to me

 

[sleepy dog]

That would be unexpected and fucked up. Almost funny. Let yourself feel and think whatever you are. Analyze it later. Just react now. Maybe you will learn some things about your desire to do it.

 

[LonelyLight]

That would be unexpected and fucked up. Almost funny. Let yourself feel and think whatever you are. Analyze it later. Just react now. Maybe you will learn some things about your desire to do it.

Her saying all of this just reinforces me not wanting to be here anymore tbh. I love her but I can't bear to hear all this anymore. I know if I go the chances are she will follow. But I can't be blamed for that either.

 

[seekingoblivion]

Well I've rushed my cousin to the ER before despite 3 years (at the time, this was about 6-7 years ago) of being suicidal and pro choice. Even as I was lifting him into the car I kept wondering if I'm a hypocrite. But you see the fact is it's incredibly natural for us to wanna keep our loved ones alive. Even if they've put us through hell. I'm so sorry you went through everything you did with regards to your mother. Despite all of it the fact remains she loves you and you love her too. So do whatever it is you feel you have to. If that means helping her live then that's the way it's gonna be, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

 

[mynameispaige]

I've been in a similar situation with a family member. My teenage niece is suicidal and one night I got a message saying "I love you and I'm sorry". I knew immediately what was happening. My heart stopped. I've never felt so worried sick in my life. That side of this can be hard for some people on here to understand. You understand both sides to it. You're not pro life. You just love your mother. It doesn't necessarily make you a hypocrite. Don't feel bad for loving your mother.

 

[alexithymia]

Hi Light. I don't think you're selfish at all. It's unfortunate that circumstances allow any of us to feel like the only escape is suicide. Hell, when it's a stranger here on SS talking about their suffering my heart aches for them. I imagine it's way more difficult when the one suffering is your own mom. It really makes sense that you feel the way you feel and you shouldn't feel bad about it in the slightest.

 

[k75]

You're not a hypocrite, and you're not selfish. Your feelings mean you love her. She's still your mom, and she's irreplaceable.

I know this is an unpopular opinion around here, but when you love someone, it's natural to want them to be alive and well. It's a normal human reaction to want to save the people we love, and to try to keep them with us.

We feel things for others even though we don't feel them for ourselves. And this doesn't always mesh with how we expect others to treat us (to just let us go).
I think that's what makes all of this so confusing and difficult to deal with. Suicidality is a weird limbo where logic doesn't live.

 

[gingerplum]

You're not a hypocrite, and you're not selfish. Your feelings mean you love her. She's still your mom, and she's irreplaceable.

I know this is an unpopular opinion around here, but when you love someone, it's natural to want them to be alive and well. It's a normal human reaction to want to save the people we love, and to try to keep them with us.

We feel things for others even though we don't feel them for ourselves. And this doesn't always mesh with how we expect others to treat us (to just let us go).
I think that's what makes all of this so confusing and difficult to deal with. Suicidality is a weird limbo where logic doesn't live.

This is eloquent. You reminded me of a joke I saw about Schrödinger's Depression: you're simultaneously dead and not dead at the same time.

 

[LonelyLight]

Well I've rushed my cousin to the ER before despite 3 years (at the time, this was about 6-7 years ago) of being suicidal and pro choice. Even as I was lifting him into the car I kept wondering if I'm a hypocrite. But you see the fact is it's incredibly natural for us to wanna keep our loved ones alive. Even if they've put us through hell. I'm so sorry you went through everything you did with regards to your mother. Despite all of it the fact remains she loves you and you love her too. So do whatever it is you feel you have to. If that means helping her live then that's the way it's gonna be, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Thank you, it seems as tho you understand having gone thru it yourself just how torn of a feeling it is. My siblings always ask why I stand by her after everything but I look at why she does it, as frustrated as she makes me, shes my mother at the end of the day

I've been in a similar situation with a family member. My teenage niece is suicidal and one night I got a message saying "I love you and I'm sorry". I knew immediately what was happening. My heart stopped. I've never felt so worried sick in my life. That side of this can be hard for some people on here to understand. You understand both sides to it. You're not pro life. You just love your mother. It doesn't necessarily make you a hypocrite. Don't feel bad for loving your mother.

Thank you and I'm sorry you've experienced it too, my heart dropped also when I got the message. I've phoned her since and shes just singing and sobbing down the phone drunk. It's a lot to deal with to be honest and hard for me not to scream at her but I know that won't help her. Thank you for understanding.

Hi Light. I don't think you're selfish at all. It's unfortunate that circumstances allow any of us to feel like the only escape is suicide. Hell, when it's a stranger here on SS talking about their suffering my heart aches for them. I imagine it's way more difficult when the one suffering is your own mom. It really makes sense that you feel the way you feel and you shouldn't feel bad about it in the slightest.

Thank you for your understanding. I honestly think the empathy we feel for others is part of the reason we are in the mess we are in, well I do anyways. It is hard to see her suffer, even tho I see how she brings it on herself with the drink.

You're not a hypocrite, and you're not selfish. Your feelings mean you love her. She's still your mom, and she's irreplaceable.

I know this is an unpopular opinion around here, but when you love someone, it's natural to want them to be alive and well. It's a normal human reaction to want to save the people we love, and to try to keep them with us.

We feel things for others even though we don't feel them for ourselves. And this doesn't always mesh with how we expect others to treat us (to just let us go).
I think that's what makes all of this so confusing and difficult to deal with. Suicidality is a weird limbo where logic doesn't live.

Your words ring so so true. You've described it perfectly actually. The feeling for not wanting my mother to even think about suicide, yet when I go by suicide I'd expect her to understand. It's such a hypocritical thing. Thank you for your understanding.

 

[trynacbt]

My mother committed suicide earlier this year. It was devastating and the impact on my family has been nuclear. Especially my dad. And yet, I'm desperate to ctb and am planning on doing it in my own home. I feel like a hypocrite, too--I feel like much worse than a hypocrite.

To echo what others have said, wanting the best for your mother is an example of the love you have for her--which is in some ways entirely separate from how you might feel about yourself.

 

[LonelyLight]

My mother committed suicide earlier this year. It was devastating and the impact on my family has been nuclear. Especially my dad. And yet, I'm desperate to ctb and am planning on doing it in my own home. I feel like a hypocrite, too--I feel like much worse than a hypocrite.

To echo what others have said, wanting the best for your mother is an example of the love you have for her--which is in some ways entirely separate from how you might feel about yourself.

I'm so sorry that you have experienced this that's very true,how I feel for people I love and what I would do for them does not match how I feel or what I would do for myself

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I wouldn't say it was hypocrisy but it is a double standard. Can't be avoided. I'd have done the same.

When my mum was in hospital dying of dementia I seriously contemplated smothering her with a pillow she was in SO much suffering. But I couldn't. She suffered another month or so cus I just couldn't hurt her like that.

My brother, bless him, understand's my own situation and agrees that suicide is reasonable in certain circumstances. But would he help me? No way. Would he call an ambulance if he feels im in danger? Of course.

It's natural and normal to feel conflicted.

 

[k75]

This is eloquent. You reminded me of a joke I saw about Schrödinger's Depression: you're simultaneously dead and not dead at the same time.

That's a perfect description!

 

[gingerplum]

That's a perfect description!

I thought so, too!!