Help Housing situation pushing me over the edge, any advice welcome...

[almaranthine]

Hi everyone, I have been a member of this forum for some time. There have been stretches of my life where I wasn't online, where I worked a job, tried to save my money up, and kept hoping that things would get better for me. Since my suicide attempt in 2017, I did try to work past my problems. I got out of the terribly abusive relationship I was in. My mom took me in and let me stay in her home. I worked a job that I really enjoyed despite the pay not being great. I tried my best to get a promotion. Things weren't easy living with my mom but I paid my bills, ubered to work every day, and kept going. All this is to say I have tried to recover; I have tried to make my life better... it simply did not pan out for me.

January of this year, my mom officially told me it was time to go. She didn't want me living there any longer. She was upset that I had made peace with my abusive ex and that we hung out together. I think she made a lot of assumptions about the relationship, which spurred her to lash out at me. It's funny, because she considers herself a devout Christian, yet apparently I was wrong to forgive my ex and be friends with him. Nevertheless, I had no place to move to, so I ended up co-signing this lease with my ex. While things had been fine us just living apart, hanging out together... the situation quickly spiraled out of control. He had not changed as much as he led me to believe. He quickly became abusive, forced a sexual relationship on me, and my mental health declined rapidly and I was lost in a manic/psychotic episode for many months.

Eventually, one night he brutally attacked me while he was extremely drunk. This led to his arrest, and subsequently he was no longer allowed to live in the apartment. At the start of my manic/psychotic episode I started getting bizarre delusions about my coworkers and had quit my job. So I ended up with this lease, all the bills and everything on my own, while still crazy and unemployed.

After about two months, I came back down to earth... the voices, delusions, and paranoia subsided. I tried to get a job as a cashier, but my anxiety was so, so bad that I fucked up a lot of things during my training. I was terrified to go back and I ended up losing the position because my mental health was so bad. I resent myself a lot for screwing it up, but even if I had kept the job... I wouldn't have made enough money to keep this apartment as they are raising the rent $400 a month.

I don't know what to do. I can't keep this place. I won't qualify for another apartment. My mom is not sympathetic. I don't have any friends I can ask to move in and split the rent. The only other family I have is an uncle who has assaulted me multiple times in the past when I lived with him.

I know some people advertise online and find someone to rent out a room. The place is not very nice though—it doesn't even have a bathtub. It is pretty run down and sad looking. I'm also scared of someone moving in here that I don't know, doing drugs, bringing sketchy people over, stealing from me, and making my life a greater hell. Sure, it is an option, but it's a huge gamble.

I have contemplated long and hard and I know I can take my SN and escape all these problems, avoid becoming homeless and find peace. I'm very distraught that my life has come to this final decision though... and I want there to be some small flicker of hope left... but part of me is convinced there isn't any left and it's just time to let go.

Is there some solution here I am overlooking? As I see it, I am mentally ill, financially ruined, almost destitute and have no real prospects ahead.

 

[jodes2]

If I had room I'd invite any homeless-to-be SS'ers to stay with me as long as they needed. Sigh. I'd ask around old friends? Heck, I'd even ask on Reddit and here if I got desperate enough. If I were a millionaire I'd look for people I could help like you. I'd look on Reddit, here, gofundme, places like that. There are people who help strangers even.

Ask on all the subreddits you can possibly find that would let a post asking for such help go through. You could reach a LOT of charitable people that way. I think there are even subs dedicated to just that

 

[almaranthine]

If I had room I'd invite any homeless-to-be SS'ers to stay with me as long as they needed. Sigh. I'd ask around old friends? Heck, I'd even ask on Reddit and here if I got desperate enough. If I were a millionaire I'd look for people I could help like you. I'd look on Reddit, here, gofundme, places like that. There are people who help strangers even

I honestly don't know how to draw attention to a gofundme and would honestly feel pretty bad taking money from strangers, even if they wanted me to have it... I guess because it's like putting a bandaid on a wound that needs serious stitches. Sure if someone kind decided to give me like $3,000 it would help... it would cover bills for 2 months, but after that? I'm still in a sad hole that I don't know how to get out of. I wouldn't mind renting out the second bedroom to someone even on this site that desperately needed to escape an abusive household and could pay half the rent... the chances of finding someone in my area though? I dk. If someone sees this post and needs a place to live and happens to live in Florida or is willing to relocate... I would consider it after getting to know them and interviewing. However, even if this magically panned out... I feel like I'm inviting someone onto my sinking ship

 

[jodes2]

I honestly don't know how to draw attention to a gofundme and would honestly feel pretty bad taking money from strangers, even if they wanted me to have it... I guess because it's like putting a bandaid on a wound that needs serious stitches. Sure if someone kind decided to give me like $3,000 it would help... it would cover bills for 2 months, but after that? I'm still in a sad hole that I don't know how to get out of. I wouldn't mind renting out the second bedroom to someone even on this site that desperately needed to escape an abusive household and could pay half the rent... the chances of finding someone in my area though? I dk. If someone sees this post and needs a place to live and happens to live in Florida or is willing to relocate... I would consider it after getting to know them and interviewing. However, even if this magically panned out... I feel like I'm inviting someone onto my sinking ship

There are places you can advertise to find housemates, would be pretty easy I think, and that would help a lot towards bills esp if you don't go easy on the price. Ppl are desperate for nice places to stay, and they'll compare prices to renting a flat so could pay pretty big bucks

 

[almaranthine]

There are places you can advertise to find housemates, would be pretty easy I think, and that would help a lot towards bills esp if you don't go easy on the price. Ppl are desperate for nice places to stay

My place isn't very nice... there are many things that are just broken down and gross. It smells like a dirty old motel room because my ex used to smoke cigarettes inside the place and the walls have retained this weird smell. The shower is a horror show. There isn't a bathtub. There are walls in the bathroom where it must have flooded years ago and they just ripped the baseboards off and the wall is black and discolored (bleach doesn't get rid of it). Both the kitchen and bathroom sink cabinets are unusable because of past leaks/flooding and they are molded and warped and gross. Idk I can try to find some desperate person. The only thing nice here is the fridge that was finally replaced this year. Also, the bug problem went away when I got them to repair a huge hole in the kitchen wall behind the stove

 

[jodes2]

My place isn't very nice... there are many things that are just broken down and gross. It smells like a dirty old motel room because my ex used to smoke cigarettes inside the place and the walls have retained this weird smell. The shower is a horror show. There isn't a bathtub. There are walls in the bathroom where it must have flooded years ago and they just ripped the baseboards off and the wall is black and discolored (bleach doesn't get rid of it). Both the kitchen and bathroom sink cabinets are unusable because of past leaks/flooding and they are molded and warped and gross. Idk I can try to find some desperate person. The only thing nice here is the fridge that was finally replaced this year. Also, the bug problem went away when I got them to repair a huge hole in the kitchen wall behind the stove

Ok so that's not ideal, but a bit of tidying could go a long way to making it at least acceptable for people, and if you don't have the motivation for a touch job, hire a cleaner for a minimal sum. They might have good knowledge of chemicals etc to get the worst bits looking ok

 

[almaranthine]

Ok so that's not ideal, but a bit of tidying could go a long way to making it at least acceptable for people, and if you don't have the motivation for a touch job, hire a cleaner for a minimal sum. They might have good knowledge of chemicals etc to get the worst bits looking ok

Tbh for the $400 increase these people that own the property should come in an repaint the walls, replace the molded cabinets, and fix the doors that don't close, the missing baseboards, the lack of grout in the shower etc... now that's what they *should* do, no telling if they will. I did actually talk to the property manager himself about the water damaged cabinets and he said they could replace those... I haven't taken him up on the offer because well, I am contemplating ending it all.

 

[jodes2]

Tbh for the $400 increase these people that own the property should come in an repaint the walls, replace the molded cabinets, and fix the doors that don't close, the missing baseboards, the lack of grout in the shower etc... now that's what they *should* do, no telling if they will. I did actually talk to the property manager himself about the water damaged cabinets and he said they could replace those... I haven't taken him up on the offer because well, I am contemplating ending it all.

Well you have a great option there I really hope you can find the motivation for it sometimes you just need to keep at these people until they give in, it's just a matter of patience and repetition. Once you know what to say, it's all down hill, just keep at them til they say yes!

 

[almaranthine]

Well you have a great option there I really hope you can find the motivation for it sometimes you just need to keep at these people until they give in, it's just a matter of patience and repetition. Once you know what to say, it's all down hill, just keep at them til they say yes!

Thank you for listening and offering advice. I don't know if I will have the fortitude to make it work, and/or to trust a stranger to live with me. I am also really afraid of being charged for a bunch of "damages" in this apartment that were either pre-existing or caused by my ex (the doors not closing is because he cracked the door frames throwing me against the doors). The prospect of this terrifies me because I won't be able to afford it. I can only hope that the property manager is understanding and knows that past companies did not keep up with this place and fix things.

 

[jodes2]

for listening and offering advice. I don't know if I will have the fortitude to make it work, and/or to trust a stranger to live with me. I am also really afraid of being charged for a bunch of "damages" in this apartment that were either pre-existing or caused by my ex (the doors not closing is because he cracked the door frames throwing me against the doors). The prospect of this terrifies me because I won't be able to afford it. I can only hope that the property manager is understanding and knows that past companies did not keep up with this place and fix things.

If you know it was their responsibility, then he can't possibly charge you and get away with it? Ask for free legal advice on Reddit or some other place by googling, then pay a lawyer to send a letter for you to finish the job worst case scenario, they won't mess with you if you have a lawyer write a letter if they know what's good for them, you probably won't even have to go that far if you stand your ground and say you know your rights, they hate that shit!

 

[Zegers]

In that situation my choice would be ctb and go somewhere better, but it depends on the person, state of affairs, etc.

On the other hand, 400$ a rent in Florida? i live in South EU and it's complicated to find a flat for less than 700.
Maybe renting it on couchsurfing? it would be an interesting way to meet people and make some bread. If i lived alone i would do it.

 

[almaranthine]

If you know it was their responsibility, then he can't possibly charge you and get away with it? Ask for free legal advice on Reddit or some other place by googling, then pay a lawyer to send a letter for you to finish the job worst case scenario, they won't mess with you if you have a lawyer write a letter if they know what's good for them, you probably won't even have to go that far if you stand your ground and say you know your rights, they hate that shit!

True, I guess I do have my ex's arrest record to show them... plus, he is still technically on this lease with me I would think that if they do charge me they would have to charge him as well?

 

[jodes2]

True, I guess I do have my ex's arrest record to show them... plus, he is still technically on this lease with me I would think that if they do charge me they would have to charge him as well?

Yeah that makes sense, worth asking for professional advice from somewhere just to be sure

 

[almaranthine]

In that situation my choice would be ctb and go somewhere better, but it depends on the person, state of affairs, etc.

On the other hand, 400$ a rent in Florida? i live in South EU and it's complicated to find a flat for less than 700.
Maybe renting it on couchsurfing? it would be an interesting way to meet people and make some bread. If i lived alone i would do it.

Oh no, they are raising my rent *by* $400. It is going up to $1450 a month. The place is definitely not worth that kind of money. The market is horrible here.

 

[Zegers]

Wish you the best in whatever you decide buddy

 

[UtopianElephant]

If I had room I'd invite any homeless-to-be SS'ers to stay with me as long as they needed. Sigh. I'd ask around old friends? Heck, I'd even ask on Reddit and here if I got desperate enough. If I were a millionaire I'd look for people I could help like you. I'd look on Reddit, here, gofundme, places like that. There are people who help strangers even.

Ask on all the subreddits you can possibly find that would let a post asking for such help go through. You could reach a LOT of charitable people that way. I think there are even subs dedicated to just that

This is so awesome and kind of you! Hopefully OP appreciates your offers and suggestions.

I agree with your principles , and think it would be invaluable and highly helpful if a wealthy alum of this forum would reach out to members in need of housing or financial help here.