Venting Housing crisis and the future

[d3j3ct3dl0s3r05]

WARNING: long-ish post
The housing crisis has been really bumming me out lately. I live in a big city and am pretty attached to it, however, it's one of the most expensive cities in the world and it's becoming increasingly common for people to live w/ their parents into their late 20s/early 30s. The thing is, I fucking hate my mother. Although she's mellowed out slightly (due to me leaving home and living at another address for a few years), I don't think I can ever forgive her for giving me such an unstable and abusive childhood due to her own emotional immaturity and volatile nature. I won't go into full detail here idk but because of her, I've lived with the anguish of persistent CTB thoughts since mid-primary school. Because of her, my self-esteem is permanently damaged, and I'll likely never be able to achieve all the things I wanted to. Just to summarise:

• Locked me out of the apartment at age 7/8 with torn clothes in the winter
• Once mercilessly bashed me and basically tried to kill me at 11 over something I didn't do at like bloody 7 in the morning (then started pulling the depression card after and made me apologise)
• Bashed me after a teacher commented on my lack of eye contact when I was 8 (it still sucks now though lol)
• Intentionally tried to break up any friendships I formed and acted like "everyone was out to get me" and she was supposedly "the only trustworthy person."
• Accused me of being demon possessed and subjected me to religious abuse
• Didn't respond or even react when I tried to hang myself not super long ago and just started playing the victim to some charlatan WhatsApp healer
• Made me sleep in the bathroom when I was 6/7 because of a bedwetting issue and bashed me when she found that I'd crawled into my room to sleep on the floor
• Basically, made my life a living hell constantly to the point where I'd try to strangle myself all the time when sleeping and would often leave the house crying on my way to school and would pray to die.
• Lied about not having my birth certificate (where I live, it literally isn't possible to get your life started independently without one and there's no way of getting a new one without details from the original, so basically, I would've been trapped here forever with no way out had I not found it)
• When I got discharged from the psych ward and had to move back in with her, she didn't help whatsoever and just began her weird religious BS (leaving my younger sister to basically parent me until I got more stable)
• Tried getting a passport to send me to her shithole and very underdeveloped country of origin for "healing" (mind you, I was born in and grew up where I am now)

As of now, she has this habit of going through my personal belongings and taking/throwing away my possessions (bought with my own money) and even stole/threw away my mental health referral paperwork (getting new documentation won't be super easy for me since anxiety + how fucked the public mental health system is) There's a lot more BUT I wouldn't be able to address the central theme of this post if I continued but basically I want to move ASAP once I'm able to secure a decently paying job. But everything is so fucked right now. The most car-centric, wasteland suburbs 50km from the central part of the city still have properties going for $2million and rent isn't any better. I constantly see news stories about people having to live out of their cars or in motels because of how cooked things are. The area I live in rn used to be fairly cheap but because it's close to suburbs suddenly deemed "trendy", average rents have skyrocketed from like 200-300 p/w to 500-800 p/w. Young and old people alike are now stuck having to rent stuffy sharehouses with multiple other people and even those arrangements aren't stable. Stable, affordable and comfortable housing is just a myth atp and the government doesn't fucking care. I don't want to be stuck here forever but my anxiety is actually off the charts. Even other cities (although cheaper) are experiencing the same issue with wages not matching the cost-of-living.

It all hurts my brain and makes me want to CTB so bad. I just feel so trapped. I've had to delay my senior secondary certificate to next year and will not be able to walk with my peers at graduation (I do school online now). Until I finish this course, I won't be able to get a part-time/full-time job until late next year but I'm not sure I'll even have that long. Rentals will only get more overpriced as I rot in my bedroom just barely scraping by in life as she (mother) continues to stand as a reminder of how and why my life got so fucked up. CTB seems like the only option atp unless I somehow win a million dollars (but even then, that's not enough for a house here)

 

[ChronicallyCynical]

Damn. That's messed up.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, some parents shouldn't have kids. Whereas you definitely deserved a better, more functional, more loving, more stable parent.

I can't exactly guarantee you'll win the lottery, sorry. And even if you did, I can't guarantee you'd have the luck to keep enough of the winnings.

It does appear that house-sharing/flat-sharing is your only option. It's... I mean, it's not ideal, I won't lie. As someone who's in that position and can't even enter the kitchen when someone else is there, because I guess screw mental and emotional stability... it's a lot of stress. It's a lot of noise in the night, it's a lot of different views that might clash a lot because there's no guarantee you'll have the fortune of finding someone who holds anything remotely similar to your belief system, and it might be involved some lying just to sort of get on with the person long enough to get through that period of time... but hey, it means the rent can get paid and you don't have to live out in a shitty, cramped, smelly old car with no indoor toilet.

Somedays, it can even be sorta' nice having the company. They're admirable people, often - intelligent enough, despite the difference in views, hard-working, generous, ambitious, at least in some of my experiences... just a little loud -, it's just a struggle when you're stuck in close quarters with them pretty much constantly, even if you have separate rooms. The walls are thin; it's not like it's their fault either.

I won't begrudge you buying a ticket if that's what you feel is the preferable option to an endless cycle of no guarantees, occasional moments of being "kinda' content" and a lot of lows and wondering if it's worth it...

But if you want to push on and see if there's a genuine life once you get past that all, there's still the recovery section.

Regardless, I hope one way or another you eventually find some peace.