Sorry! I started writing a reply and all this fell out :(
I decided not to ctb where I live...but it seems the people who rent space to me really don't care about my well-being. (Either they don't Know, don't show, or don't care) As I've asked them for little things, like, really simple small things that I need help with, or to cease/lessen creating agitating vibrations that are worsening my condition.
They've known to some extent the state of mind I've been in and have not even come by to check on me, in months. I feel like I don't exist here. Love thy neighbor, or at least, say hi, (especially if you suspect they're having a challenging time) or, if that's too much, evict them...if someone can't deal with a sad sack near their home, kick them out with notice and help them leave.
Yeah I could drive my car somewhere, and ctb...but, that'd just traumatize another person (who finds me). If I go deep into the woods, which may be unfeasible, because I'm still unsure of how much my method supplies weigh, or if they're affected by temps...that has considerations.
A well meaning Bear could interrupt me...a mouse could claw/bite open my exit bag...
The benefits to go outside though (besides beauty, being surrounded by loving nature beings)...would be (at least in winter) that I'd freeze and hopefully destroy my organs so they can not be reused...though I'd love to be an organ donor...I don't want to stay alive on this planet inside the body of another...but...I guess I'm still considering that one (so much to work out!) cause...an organ sure would be a great gift...dang...if I could find the right person to buy my organs from me and deposit the profits into a familial account to ease financial burdens, that'd be the shit.
If I go deep into the forest...I'd have to leave my vehicle somewhere which would eventually be found, I'd be 'missing' and a search and rescue team would have to stress to find me...I don't want that burden for others.
Also, so much can happen 'on the way to the bus station' like...what if I wreck my car, and have an accident preventing me from catching the bus, that'd suck.
And, I'm in a rural mountainous area with nowhere closer than a 45 minute drive that I'm aware of that I could park and not be parking suspiciously possibly on private property, or side of the road (what a lonely place to die. My depressed mind will lie and tell me that's the most fitting spot for my kind) I don't want to spoil trailhead vibes with a suicide.
I hope to have much time, a few days to a week for my soul to linger near my body to work out whatever it needs to...or, ya know, just to chill together for 'old times sake'. I might create an epic playlist and wear my Sennheisers right through the blissful end, playing songs of worship, love, and str8 up Rockin' out (with an aux. battery pack so it stays playing for a long time.)
My greatest desire in this life lately has been to die, and return to life, not a near death experience...but, to actually be 100% dead and return Jesus style days later, enlightened, with magical healing abilities, lol...I've known a few people who have experienced this...but...it's a lonely existance afterwards, as few people have shared the experience. Joe Marshalla.
So, anyways...now I'm less worried about where I do it (or rather at peace with my decision to do so wherever I feel is best based on my current state of mind). I'd never do it at my parents, or a friends home.
I don't even know why I'm still sharing on this community as I'm very discontent with some of the posts I've seen recently about people getting banned. Sigh, what a lonely existance for someone who can't even find home on a suicide forum...but anyway, I hope this serves whoever may read it, and it's helping me compile my 'note' which I don't intend to leave, cause, fuck you people, you let me die, (not you fine people) I screamed for help, held out for years, and nobody helped, because nobody can help, our society isn't set up to support people like me/us. God damn, I'm so fucking smart, and brilliant, and beautiful, how sad that this world will lose me. I'm no narcissist, just a depressed Realist. I always longed to be a writer. Lately I've discovered I'm a bit of a Rapper too. Such gifts to nourish/cherish/develop - but time's running out, so I may not write 'the best suicide note ever written' my epic story (as I've fantasized about and mentally 'drafted' during my late night Pothead reveries) okay, okay, that sounded Narcissistic... Love y'all. Peace.
Oh yeah, this is just like, my opinion, man.