Venting hospital is pointless

[chudeatte]

well, I failed my attempt. I can't do anything right it's embarrassing. when it was over I got told I should go to the hospital and I did. that was the most pointless thing I could've done, honestly. they didnt care at all. they had no beds so I had to sit in the waiting room all night and that was horrible. I didnt get a moment of sleep, and by the time I left in the morning I had been awake for two days straight. anyway, I left in the morning because I was told someone would come and speak to me but no one came and I was already overwhelmed by sitting there with no sleep and bored out of my mind. I get that medical services and especially mental health services are underfunded and under pressure, so I can't really be mad that nothing happened, but I regret even going. idk what I was even expecting them to do. I just went because I was told to go or people would come to my house, and I didnt want my family to know. yes im still depressed, yes I still want to kill myself more than anything. I was actually considering allowing them to commit me, but there's no way I could go through that. whatever, point is hospital doesn't actually help anyone when theyre in a crisis honestly the best help you could get is if you went to bed and slept it off. I wish I had done that instead

 

[Young.Werther]

That sucks.

I've been told that hospitals exist primarily as a stabilization mechanism, to hold you until you aren't going to ctb the moment they let you out so they can pawn you off to outpatient provider (psych/therapist or something?). But also, I would say you're right to not want to be committed. As any number of people here will tell you, it sucks. If you're looking for help from the medical establishment, I would say that hospitals are the worst place to engage with the medical establishment from my experience.

But I've been in the same boat as you, where I go to them because that's what you're "supposed to do." I also didn't really know what I was expecting or what I even really wanted from them. I don't know what I was hoping they'd do or say. My takeaway has mainly been to resist that impulse. It's hard at first but feels like it's gotten a lot easier with time. I haven't had good experiences with the medical establishment and have learned to shut down the impulse to engage with it.

But it does just leave you in a sucky place. I'm afraid I don't know what to do about that. It's tough. I wish I knew.

 

[AngelBritney]

I'm so sorry for your experience and feelings. This is why people like us aren't honest with their environment: Because we heard or know about the horrible state of psychiatric wards/hospitals. They literally don't give an F, they are overfilled, the staff members stressed all the time.

If you manage to get a room for yourself with 3 beds and no one joins in those 1-2 nights: You won the lottery. I did twice but only stayed one night each time.

The other time I slept on the floor in the psychiatric ward (I hate sleeping with strangers in 1 room because they could strangle me) and no one cared. I didn't even sleep that night, too.

It's a fucking embarrassment. They claim they want to help you but they don't want to in reality.

In fact some of them would insult or bully you. And you can't do anything against it because they struggle with the little amount of staff and if you happen to attack them (righteous though) they will do horrible things to you and you will have to stay even longer... Just because they think lower of you than a staff member.

No wonder why people prefer finding peace in CTB than seeking for help.

 

[chudeatte]

I'm so sorry for your experience and feelings. This is why people like us aren't honest with their environment: Because we heard or know about the horrible state of psychiatric wards/hospitals. They literally don't give an F, they are overfilled, the staff members stressed all the time.

If you manage to get a room for yourself with 3 beds and no one joins in those 1-2 nights: You won the lottery. I did twice but only stayed one night each time.

The other time I slept on the floor in the psychiatric ward (I hate sleeping with strangers in 1 room because they could strangle me) and no one cared. I didn't even sleep that night, too.

It's a fucking embarrassment. They claim they want to help you but they don't want to in reality.

In fact some of them would insult or bully you. And you can't do anything against it because they struggle with the little amount of staff and if you happen to attack them (righteous though) they will do horrible things to you and you will have to stay even longer... Just because they think lower of you than a staff member.

No wonder why people prefer finding peace in CTB than seeking for help.

yeah, I agree with everything here. the psych ward in my area is actually known for having people die under their care. nobody seems to do anything, its a terrible place from what ive heard, but I considered it all because I didnt know what else to do. im glad I didnt stick around. hopefully I can just pick myself up from here idk

 

[valium]

i'm really sorry to hear. i had a similar experience and it felt crushing. i had an ambulance bring me to hospital after the chaplains caught me at beachy head. i waited all night and nobody seemed to care too much, though i was told i couldn't leave or they'd call the police. i stayed there all night without anything really happening or anyone really speaking to me and it was incredibly demoralizing on top of how awful i was already feeling. i think being committed might be (and might have been) good for me as well since i also felt entirely lost but i essentially just went home with a referral to local services who did next to nothing more than filling out endless forms.

it's difficult to want to engage with mental health services when they seem to show wanton disregard for you, let alone when you're already struggling to engage with the world. hope you're able to feel even a little better or at least calmer soon.

 

[HangMan123]

well, I failed my attempt. I can't do anything right it's embarrassing. when it was over I got told I should go to the hospital and I did. that was the most pointless thing I could've done, honestly. they didnt care at all. they had no beds so I had to sit in the waiting room all night and that was horrible. I didnt get a moment of sleep, and by the time I left in the morning I had been awake for two days straight. anyway, I left in the morning because I was told someone would come and speak to me but no one came and I was already overwhelmed by sitting there with no sleep and bored out of my mind. I get that medical services and especially mental health services are underfunded and under pressure, so I can't really be mad that nothing happened, but I regret even going. idk what I was even expecting them to do. I just went because I was told to go or people would come to my house, and I didnt want my family to know. yes im still depressed, yes I still want to kill myself more than anything. I was actually considering allowing them to commit me, but there's no way I could go through that. whatever, point is hospital doesn't actually help anyone when theyre in a crisis honestly the best help you could get is if you went to bed and slept it off. I wish I had done that instead

I tell myself the same thing, hah!
In all seriousness, you took it better than I would have; I would've been sooo pissed that they didn't help me. Even reading this got me heated . That takes a lot of character!
You even said that you'd try to "pick yourself up from here." You're really tenacious and honestly inspiring.
I'm truly sorry to hear that you tried to commit. Perhaps surviving was for the best? (I know that part may come off as inconsiderate and presumptuous, so I apologize if it did). I really hope that things turn around for you—you'd deserve it!