Venting Hopeless?

[Rocksandsand]

I just had my first (and probably only) appointment with an outpatient clinic. The psychiatrist basically told me that there was nothing left by way of medication to try and to continue with therapy. I feel so lost and so hopeless. I just want out. I have my SN, antacids, antiemetics... I'd rather overdose on heroin but I can't source anything. My apartment is a mess and I want to tidy up before I die (so no one can see just how bad it got before I killed myself) but I can't get the motivation up. I'm just so tired of feeling so perpetually shit.

I miss heroin so much. I miss feeling just okay for a while. I hate being trapped by staying alive for other people.

I just needed to get this out. Thank you for reading.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I have no motivation either.I hate even getting out of bed... especially for work. It's a struggle to exist.
I hate being trapped here by other people as well. I want out so bad.

 

[Wayfaerer]

I hate being trapped by staying alive for other people.

Don't stay alive just for others.

 

[Nem]

Staying alive for other people...isn't that the truth
Peace/hugs

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Don't stay alive just for others.

I'm hoping I can get past that.

 

[Wayfaerer]

I'm hoping I can get past that.

My circumstances have forced it on me so that was how I managed to get past it. I cannot live the rest of my life like this.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Staying alive for other people...isn't that the truth
Peace/hugs

I hate staying alive so others won't be in misery … which means I have to be.

 

[Rocksandsand]

@Nem @not-2-b-the-answer and @Wayfaerer
Thank you for replying

I feel like I am staying here just to prevent the grief of my brother and father. It means so much having people here who feel the same way

Honestly, after seeing that psychiatrist I just want to die more. It's like there's no hope left anymore. I am just so fucking tired

 

[ScorpiusDragon]

@Nem @not-2-b-the-answer and @Wayfaerer
Thank you for replying

I feel like I am staying here just to prevent the grief of my brother and father. It means so much having people here who feel the same way

Honestly, after seeing that psychiatrist I just want to die more. It's like there's no hope left anymore. I am just so fucking tired

I feel like I am just here to prevent the grief of my boyfriend. I relate. Just so tired.

 

[Stan]

So sorry you feel that way Rocks :-(. I wouldn't worry about the apartment being tidy, its small potatoes compared to your ctb. Don't put another burden on yourself. Hugs

 

[Liveandlearnagain]

Personally, just personally, I would switch psychiatrists.

There's definitely more shit to try. M.D. is just lazy and annoyed by you. Basically a standard P.O.S. doctor. Many of them are, but you can find another who believes in you.

 

[mathieu]

Sorry your appointment didn't go well. I feel pretty hopeless about any med changes helping me too. I wish I was on heroin too.

 

[Rocksandsand]

@Liveandlearnagain medications aren't the answer for me I don't think. I've been on 15 so far and I am not in a hurry to start again. I just want out. He was kind, but useless

@mathieu i've been clean since Jan of last year and I still think about it every fucking day urgh

 

[Throwaway9787]

I just had my first (and probably only) appointment with an outpatient clinic. The psychiatrist basically told me that there was nothing left by way of medication to try and to continue with therapy. I feel so lost and so hopeless. I just want out. I have my SN, antacids, antiemetics... I'd rather overdose on heroin but I can't source anything. My apartment is a mess and I want to tidy up before I die (so no one can see just how bad it got before I killed myself) but I can't get the motivation up. I'm just so tired of feeling so perpetually shit.

I miss heroin so much. I miss feeling just okay for a while. I hate being trapped by staying alive for other people.

I just needed to get this out. Thank you for reading.

Get H online

 

[Moonstruck]

This sounds so familiar. Every psychiatrist I've been to just throws you on a bunch of meds that barely make a difference and encourages you to go to a therapist- who sits there and asks and how does that make you feel? And tries to change your way of thinking but ends up only reinforcing the way you think now.

 

[TheNorthernSilence]

This sounds so familiar. Every psychiatrist I've been to just throws you on a bunch of meds that barely make a difference and encourages you to go to a therapist- who sits there and asks and how does that make you feel? And tries to change your way of thinking but ends up only reinforcing the way you think now.

This is why it's always a dead end with therapy for me; I don't think there's anything wrong with the way I think. How are you supposed to change that when it's programmed to the core of your brain?

 

[JimFord99]

Get H online

My fear of this, is, that it will get intercepted by customs and then he'll breaks out with raids and arrests. The UK pigs are very effective when it comes to class A.

 

[welshie84]

My fear of this, is, that it will get intercepted by customs and then he'll breaks out with raids and arrests. The UK pigs are very effective when it comes to class A.

The cops really dont do much about it round here

 

[woxihuanni]

I never took psychology without a grain of salt, but these few weeks, I'm done with it. I was not going to therapy but have gone through the literature, and regret having listened to that crap. It's nothing but demonisation of cluster b people, and disempowering/patronising to depressed/anxious people. As a maths guy put it once, the best therapist will be as good as a really understanding guy in the pub, and the worst will ruin you. As for medicine, it is so uncertain that some people end up suicidal for using them, when they had more manageable problems before.

My new stance is that of listening to the animal in me. That's a much better guide than somebody paid to section my if they see any sign I might escape.

 

[eve2004]

« Staying alive is a struggle »
Ain't that the truth.
As for H, I'd love to get some local stuff (bypass mail/customs) hopefully tainted heavily by F, but have no clue where to start looking. Safe injection sites? How do you approach people?

 

[arelia]

Honestly, after seeing that psychiatrist I just want to die more. It's like there's no hope left anymore. I am just so fucking tired

**hugs** I think the guy in the pub that woxihuanni mentions is very true, I remember reading somewhere that the more involved contact people have with mental health professionals, the worse their outcomes are.

 

[eve2004]

Which depression meds are most lethal and any in combination? Since they are offering maybe it could be useful to start collecting those...

 

[TowerUpright]

Which depression meds are most lethal and any in combination? Since they are offering maybe it could be useful to start collecting those...

The old school tricyclics are lethal. One of the reasons they rarely prescribe them anymore. I was briefly prescribed them by a GI doctor for IBS when I was also depressed.

 

[Moonstruck]

This is why it's always a dead end with therapy for me; I don't think there's anything wrong with the way I think. How are you supposed to change that when it's programmed to the core of your brain?

Exactly. You have to want to change, but I don't.

 

[omoidarui]

The old school tricyclics are lethal. One of the reasons they rarely prescribe them anymore.

... xcept when a tricyclic was the first thing i was prescribed