k488n23_
Member
- May 30, 2023
- 5
(UK Uni == USA College)
(UK College = 16-18)
I spent the entirety of my life until Uni closeted, I was extremely depressed in College and wanted to move out to Uni and try and grow / meet people.
The first few weeks went well, I joined societies and made surface level friendships.
I also met a guy that I really liked but thought I had no chance with.
He, however, pushed very hard for a relationship - initiating everything until I finally didn't feel like a Burden.
He'd do little things that meant so much; unprompted texts, waiting for me, checking on things.
We got together and his actions started to fade after under 2 weeks, less check ins, less wanting me to stay longer - but it was still there and I loved it.
I loved having someone to talk to, somewhere to go and a future.
---
Interest continued to fade, and he broke up with me with no clear reason.
I got mixed signals the following weeks (friends, occasionally talk, never talk again) - so I gave up.
I thought giving up would send the signal 'I'm here if you want to seriously talk' - but he seems to prefer never seeing me again.
Every night hurts, every time I go past or in a place we spent time at it's tainted by him.
I don't see a realistic future in this Uni, which was my last push.
---
Every time I think I've hit rock bottom I find a basement, smoking, drinking, self harm - I don't want to live past semester 2 if things don't improve, which they wont.
(UK College = 16-18)
I spent the entirety of my life until Uni closeted, I was extremely depressed in College and wanted to move out to Uni and try and grow / meet people.
The first few weeks went well, I joined societies and made surface level friendships.
I also met a guy that I really liked but thought I had no chance with.
He, however, pushed very hard for a relationship - initiating everything until I finally didn't feel like a Burden.
He'd do little things that meant so much; unprompted texts, waiting for me, checking on things.
We got together and his actions started to fade after under 2 weeks, less check ins, less wanting me to stay longer - but it was still there and I loved it.
I loved having someone to talk to, somewhere to go and a future.
---
Interest continued to fade, and he broke up with me with no clear reason.
I got mixed signals the following weeks (friends, occasionally talk, never talk again) - so I gave up.
I thought giving up would send the signal 'I'm here if you want to seriously talk' - but he seems to prefer never seeing me again.
Every night hurts, every time I go past or in a place we spent time at it's tainted by him.
I don't see a realistic future in this Uni, which was my last push.
---
Every time I think I've hit rock bottom I find a basement, smoking, drinking, self harm - I don't want to live past semester 2 if things don't improve, which they wont.
