Hopeful or delusional

[manic-dream]

I can't tell if the people in my life are hopeful or delusional about me. I feel like they think since I got on medication that things are looking up again but I have never felt anymore tired and depressed than I do now. All I can think about is dying.

I wish I could be happy but I really only felt it when I was manic which is depressing for me because I'm also wanting that mania again just to feel happy. I really haven't felt it in so long and that is scary and then the only time I feel it is when my brain is going haywire which sucks too. It wasn't true happiness honestly, I wasn't normal.

Everyone pisses me off too now. I don't know why exactly but I just wish I could avoid everyone and rot away into the bed I am in everyday even though I am technically not bedridden.

 

[CouldaHvBeenARock]

Like I totally relate to your current state minus the diagnosis I have MDD instead
And my people are totally deluded about the impact of medication, I had stopped taking active treatment, but they forced it through like several hospitalization but they keep on saying all I have to do is take my medication to completion and I will be fine or be positive and whatever