Venting Hope

[Flume]

There's always a temptation to go through and try again, to try something new, to try something different. And if I'm being honest with myself I keep running away from suicide, I make stupid excuses to myself to push this shit away. I fucking hate it... but every day I keep being dragged in towards my will, dragged towards this fucking misery that never stops becoming more evil. Recently I realized that there's no point in trying to do what my heart really wants. I'm going to fucking die soon anyway.

I wanted to find the perfect other one, find somebody to love. That's what I really want... but I've been dreaming for to long, and this is never going to happen. Instead I'm just going to be found rotting away in a cheap bed at a small apartment just like dad.

I don't know how to let go off this feeling, but if I'm being honest this wish is higher than my will to die. This is more important, but I'm also sick of daydreaming. I don't know how to fucking get rid off this love need, I think I'm doing it... but it has already started to hurt me more than I could ever imagine.

Even more pain, atleast I'm used to it now. I'll see you soon dad if there's any life after this.

 

[ThingWithFeathers]

The heart that tempts you to off yourself also wants you to reconsider because the heart is confused, because heart isn't programmed to kill itself and the thought of killing itself is alien to it. This confusion is giving you the time to think long term impact of your untimely death. As long as you are alive you have options, but when you die there are definitely no options after that. There is no afterlife, that is a wishful thinking, daydreaming, once we die the atoms and molecules in us just scatter away. Nothing else. There is no person who lives on to see another fictional world.

I don't know your reasons as to why you are thinking of suicide, you are the owner and master of your life and you are from the beautiful country of Sweden where the quality of life is one of the best in the world. It would be worth considering to continue to appreciate and love the beauty that surrounds us. But again, I don't know your reasons or pain. Best wishes.

 

[BipolarExpat]

There is no afterlife, that is a wishful thinking, daydreaming, once we die the atoms and molecules in us just scatter away. Nothing else.

Well, within your belief system anyways...