Venting HOPE is not allowed!!!

[Dawn0071111]

I am on purpose stamping out any hope that tries to arise in me....Im not having it. I will not be duped again. Lured into some state where I reach, stretch.... no. I find that as my PTSD begins to subside, and my physical health improves.... hope tries to rear its ugly head. I begin to notice the beauty of flowers and the moon.

AHA! "Not this time..." I tell myself. Nope. Im not entertaining that rascal because I know he is trying to foil my plan to catch the bus. I've made up my mind & I won't let little stupid daydreams of a happy future deter me from reality. Id have to put in painful, excruciating, long, hard work to get the daydream... See thats what hope does to me. Its a tease. I hate that shit.

But I never thought I would see the day when hope became my enemy and I have to actively beat it down. I can't let myself get better. I won't. I am going to destroy myself little by little until I kill myself because I hate myself and hate life even more. No hope, you have no place here. You are late, Im turning you away. Goodbye hope... I will not heed your decietfulness.

 

[BridgeJumper]

I have nothing left to say other than I RELATE.
Holy shit do I relate.
Everytime you start feeling hopefull, something / someone stabs you in the back. It just never ends. Id rather self sabotage any opportunity to get better than get hurt over and over again.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

You have just worded something I have been feeling for a while but could never understand and if I got an inkling of understanding, words just never flow! Like the guy above I relate!
Everytime it starts to look good something comes along and brings you back to your reality, the one of hate, self loathing and pure despair

 

[Soul]

Hope is a very sad thing. I feel so sorry for it.

 

[sad_frog]

I understand how hope seems like an enemy but I think the real enemy is depression. I knock hope away too, I get so frustrated by the pendulum swing that when I feel that hope coming back I want to stop it. for me, it feels easier to continue a depression cycle then be dragged back down from "happyness" or "hope of happiness" i was on.

I feel that each time i fall from happiness or hope it is a longer drop than the last time.. That these drops will keep getting larger until I'm in a bottomless pit falling forever.

 

[Rachel74]

I try my best to find hope all the time and I'm forever chasing it but the older and more unwell I get the more hopeless I become. Hope is a word branded around like some wonder fucking drug. Hope is false and hope is fake!

 

[NemoZeno]

I'm too lazy to make my own but your title makes a good meme:

Unfortunate that the red X out sign isn't on the existent people but w/e: it's representative of life ie annoyingly imperfect so it ironically fits.

"hope tries to rear its ugly head. I begin to notice the beauty of flowers and the moon."

Fuck hope: as Nitchy said, it's the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torment of man. It kind of did when you noticed the absolutely superfluous inanity that is aesthetic appreciation. Don't let "it" "win".

 

[Dawn0071111]

I understand how hope seems like an enemy but I think the real enemy is depression. I knock hope away too, I get so frustrated by the pendulum swing that when I feel that hope coming back I want to stop it. for me, it feels easier to continue a depression cycle then be dragged back down from "happyness" or "hope of happiness" i was on.

I feel that each time i fall from happiness or hope it is a longer drop than the last time.. That these drops will keep getting larger until I'm in a bottomless pit falling forever.

I think for me its less depression and more willful defiant laziness.... Hope means I will have to put in the work yo change. . And i just dont want to.... If my hopes could be delivered to me without any effort, i would not send ot away, but all hope is for me is an impetus .... Im just fucking tired of it all... what good is hope for aperson that has lost the will to fight?

You have just worded something I have been feeling for a while but could never understand and if I got an inkling of understanding, words just never flow! Like the guy above I relate!
Everytime it starts to look good something comes along and brings you back to your reality, the one of hate, self loathing and pure despair

Yes, and my guess is that all of our hopes are rooted in our deepest needs and desires anyway...So hope is going to be tied to a potential crushing when it is deferred... fuck hope...

I have nothing left to say other than I RELATE.
Holy shit do I relate.
Everytime you start feeling hopefull, something / someone stabs you in the back. It just never ends. Id rather self sabotage any opportunity to get better than get hurt over and over again.

Yup. I have never consciously self sabotaged before..... but the Self Destruction Program has been activated and I wont let the trickster phenomenon "hope" get in my way of boarding that bus!

 

[Wayfaerer]

I've already abandoned all hope. It's very depressing, but liberating in a way.