Hope and Sorrow

[Speedygonzalez]

Hi everyone, I'm glad to have found this forum. So sick of my therapist trying to save me from my suicidal thoughts and attempts. I'm an older guy who has lived my life. Was hoping to be dead by 30. Shitty life, rejected by family for being LGBTQ. It continues to this day. Always have food insecurity. Starving artist becoming successful but no one to share my wins with. I love a girl who I met online who is ghosting me now after 3 years, comes in and out of my life, total narcissist. Treats me like shit. Can't seem to leave her. She cheats, lies, gaslights, rejects and ignores me yet says I'm her bf and she loves me. She's totally tipped my life upside down. So lonely. My friends are only two. One is an alcoholic Karen and the other has a white collar job and is too busy for me. Meeting people online sucks, all too shallow. I'm very handsome, talented, with a high IQ. I try and make life work for me but the only comfort I find is in sleep and thoughts of ending my life. How can I have so much hope yet so much sorrow?

 

[brokeandbroken]

I mean you have a high iq... If someone were to come to you with these questions what would you say?

 

[outrider567]

No hope, plenty of sorrow

 

[letmejoindeath]

Hope is an illusion sold to you by others. It's like a mirage in a desert that keeps you pushing on a bit longer than you should have

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you'd find so much comfort in the thought of sleeping eternally, it's all that comforts me as well but anyway I wish you the best.