Livingvsdying25
Enlightened
- Dec 8, 2019
- 1,188
I've been using psychiatrist & supplements that help woth anxiety/ relaxation. Has it helped? A little.
Am I still fucking struggling like hell? Yes. I truly have fought really hard to live so it's auto to continue to do so but...
As my anxiety med plus the CBD kicked in I am realizing I'm understating to myself the impact of my health issues.
Being able to be full of life on days where I don't feel like complete fucking garbage makes sense but also its not some fucking evidence on life being worth living like people always tryna "rationalize" to me.
POTS flareup so adrenaline surges been bad. Emotional flashback have been bad and they've been hand in hand lately. So rn im not in one and im calmer but yeah. Im done fr. Im attempting to CTB. This last week was hell but I kept trying after & through the lows. Now in a calm enough state of a mind... I still just want to be out of the world. I can't take the health struggles anymore I can't handle not being able to live some kinda life I want...
It's going to take something outside of myself to start a shift within me within this. I am fucking tired of all of this. The sooner the better. Doing research this weekend & yeah.
I don't kno either too bc of all the dynamics. Like finding method then actually going through with steps but I'm trying again.
My phones on air plane mode and will stay as such unless im ordering food or smthin. Goin into isolation from friends and such.
Am I still fucking struggling like hell? Yes. I truly have fought really hard to live so it's auto to continue to do so but...
As my anxiety med plus the CBD kicked in I am realizing I'm understating to myself the impact of my health issues.
Being able to be full of life on days where I don't feel like complete fucking garbage makes sense but also its not some fucking evidence on life being worth living like people always tryna "rationalize" to me.
POTS flareup so adrenaline surges been bad. Emotional flashback have been bad and they've been hand in hand lately. So rn im not in one and im calmer but yeah. Im done fr. Im attempting to CTB. This last week was hell but I kept trying after & through the lows. Now in a calm enough state of a mind... I still just want to be out of the world. I can't take the health struggles anymore I can't handle not being able to live some kinda life I want...
It's going to take something outside of myself to start a shift within me within this. I am fucking tired of all of this. The sooner the better. Doing research this weekend & yeah.
I don't kno either too bc of all the dynamics. Like finding method then actually going through with steps but I'm trying again.
My phones on air plane mode and will stay as such unless im ordering food or smthin. Goin into isolation from friends and such.
