Lullaby
🌙
- Mar 9, 2022
- 650
November 1st hits, and suddenly I'm being bombarded with this nonsense again. I go into the supermarket and there's already Christmas decorations being sold.
On TV - constant commercials of happy people with their happy families, in their fancy houses. Adverts for engagement rings and everything else…
I'm already so drained, and it's made me feel so much more horrible. It's a nonstop reminder of everything I don't and won't have. I'm stuck in my childhood home, with all these horrible memories, with family that I don't even get along with.
My siblings will probably come visit in December, and I'll be even more of a black ship, since my mom will have her golden child around.
I've been dissociating more than usual lately, like I'm not present 99% of the time. Just in my head and dream world, even when I'm awake.
My ideation gets a thousand times worse during this time of the year. Really wish I could hibernate until January at least. This shit sucks so much already.
Sending good vibes to anyone else who struggles get even more worse during the holidays. There's some comfort in knowing I'm not alone…
