Been a real crap couple of months and I feel as though am putting the person closest to me through hell. He has no clue am signed up to here but I just needed to read other people's experiences to understand myself a bit more. Been through so much shit in my life that am not sure if it's a good thong me still being in it.
You'll hear all about my shit life sooner or later. The date in my username is what year I wish it was. I'm here because I think my minds pretty much made up and here we can actually talk about it. It's the place I've been looking for for ages. Others seem to fall in the camp of pro life where you get banned for talking about suicide or pro death where they're all just sick basterds. It's nice there's a middle ground. I don't think there's anything cool about dying, in fact it's horrible but so's life so I 'd just like to be able to get it over with as quickly and painlessly as possible. It's my birthday tomorrow and I wasn't planning on seeing it but I haven't been able to find a way not to. My girlfriend bless her loves me to bits and I wish I could live just for her but I can't. I make her life a misery too but I don't mean to. I've told her to leave me numerous times but she won't. A proper loyal one there, a rare breed. I wish I could appreciate what I 've got now but it can never make up for what I 've done
It's my birthday next Thursday. Same from uk - up north. I've tried a few times to take my own life. Tablets, cutting wrists. Only 4 weeks ago to jump from a bridge near to where I live. I am the same as you putting my fiance through hell. For me it's very much alcohol related. Swear to God I don't know why am like this. I have such a good life, job, etc and the not knowing is killing me.
It wasn't. 2003 was the last good year of my life. It's exactly fourteen years ago something should have been done before my 18th birthday and my problems would have been over before they started. But it wasn't and it's absolutely inexcusable. It was no harder than what I 'm doing now by signing up to a website and discussing stuff. In fact that's all it was and had I done it I wouldn't be here now talking suicide. I can't live with it at all yet I have done for years. Nothings got better because I can't go back and change it nor can I even rid it from my memory. It haunts me every waking second and it's my own stupid fault
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