Hello everyone! Just joined today after lurking in the shadows for a bit, thought I'd introduce myself as a starter for ten.
I've been suicidal on & off since I was a young adult. I was born with a severe facial disfigurement which affects me on a daily basis, being stared at wherever I go, dealing with peoples immediate prejudices based on my appearance. Luckily I have great parents & have had a good life despite this. I seemed to be quite fearless when I was younger, did loads of things & lived life to the fullest.
However as I get older it becomes more tiresome & hard to handle. I find myself becoming more reclusive & having increased social anxiety as the years pass. When I was younger & going through a phase of severe depression, I'd always give myself a bit longer..like let's see what's happened by the time I'm 25..28..30..whatever..and if nothing has turned around I'll ctb. There was only one time when I was genuinely preparing to ctb as I thought there was no other option to escape the situation I was in, I didn't actually want to but saw no other choice. Things turned round at the very last minute.
Anyway, to now..I'm tired of life. Yes I still have some nice times with friends but don't see happiness in the long term. My parents are getting old now & I won't cope at all when they die, so that's when I'll make proper plans. I won't do anything before as I don't want to destroy them, and I can get by in life in the meantime but after that, there won't be anything to stick around for.
I'm really glad I found this place. The methods I had in the back of my head before have gone totally out the window having read lots of posts on here, and my revised options are ones I never knew existed or didn't think I would want to do. It's comforting to know I've got a place to come & discuss, and ask questions if I need to, when the time does come.
Anyway, thanks for having me here.
I've been suicidal on & off since I was a young adult. I was born with a severe facial disfigurement which affects me on a daily basis, being stared at wherever I go, dealing with peoples immediate prejudices based on my appearance. Luckily I have great parents & have had a good life despite this. I seemed to be quite fearless when I was younger, did loads of things & lived life to the fullest.
However as I get older it becomes more tiresome & hard to handle. I find myself becoming more reclusive & having increased social anxiety as the years pass. When I was younger & going through a phase of severe depression, I'd always give myself a bit longer..like let's see what's happened by the time I'm 25..28..30..whatever..and if nothing has turned around I'll ctb. There was only one time when I was genuinely preparing to ctb as I thought there was no other option to escape the situation I was in, I didn't actually want to but saw no other choice. Things turned round at the very last minute.
Anyway, to now..I'm tired of life. Yes I still have some nice times with friends but don't see happiness in the long term. My parents are getting old now & I won't cope at all when they die, so that's when I'll make proper plans. I won't do anything before as I don't want to destroy them, and I can get by in life in the meantime but after that, there won't be anything to stick around for.
I'm really glad I found this place. The methods I had in the back of my head before have gone totally out the window having read lots of posts on here, and my revised options are ones I never knew existed or didn't think I would want to do. It's comforting to know I've got a place to come & discuss, and ask questions if I need to, when the time does come.
Anyway, thanks for having me here.
