Hi.... new girl here

[LostAllHope7651]

Hi, I don't really know what to write to be honest, I've tried a few times over the years to leave this world and as you can imagine with me writing on here they haven't come off as planned....
I've just watched the Callie tv program and thought what a good idea to join and talk to like minded people without been judged or looked at like your not all there so to speak...

 

[bigtasty]

Welcome, I'm here to listen and chat if you ever need it and I'm highly sure others are too

 

[Deathbydemo]

Hi, I don't really know what to write to be honest, I've tried a few times over the years to leave this world and as you can imagine with me writing on here they haven't come off as planned....
I've just watched the Callie tv program and thought what a good idea to join and talk to like minded people without been judged or looked at like your not all there so to speak...

Hello and welcome. I'm new here myself just this evening too. There is absolutely no judgement from me as to why you've ended up here. You can talk/vent to me or anyone here, anytime.

 

[LostAllHope7651]

Welcome, I'm here to listen and chat if you ever need it and I'm highly sure others are too

Thank you, we spend so much time keeping things bottled up it's just nice to be able to speak openly on here without putting a front on

 

[PoisonedJuliet]

Welcome lady! I'm recently new myself but I know one thing for sure. We are all here to listen. No question is stupid, no thread should be embarrassing, and no emotion is too intense. We're here for you and I hope you're able to find what you're looking for here

 

[faust]

Hello,
I am glad you came to this forum!
And I see that your intentions are great.
It is always good to talk to people when you need this!
I think here you may find many kind and caring people who will listen to you and give advice from their own experience!
And, of course, we have a recovery section if you need help or planning to select a path for a better future

 

[LostAllHope7651]

I'd just love an off button at times, no mistakes, just flick a switch to shut u down

 

[PoisonedJuliet]

I'd just love an off button at times, no mistakes, just flick a switch to shut u down

Many people (including myself) feel that way on here

 

[bigtasty]

I'd just love an off button at times, no mistakes, just flick a switch to shut u down

If only, I pray for that!

 

[Banquo501]

Thank you, we spend so much time keeping things bottled up it's just nice to be able to speak openly on here without putting a front on

I have felt the same, you really do not need to worry about being judged or saying the wrong thing here. There are loads of kind people here willing to listen.

 

[LostAllHope7651]

5 years ago I took some pills, someone broke in and called an ambulance, I was in a coma for a while and then landed myself a 3 weeks stay in the mental ward, since then I never open up to anyone about anything relating to how I feel, but it becomes a very lonely place when you can't talk to anyone with fear of them saying something to someone you don't want them too. Trust isn't my strong point anymore with people. I've spend years on different depression tablets that just don't work, there now testing me for autism but there is a two year waiting list for that so many I'll never make that appointment who knows what the future holds anymore. it feels nice for you all to be so nice and helpful and I do feel like I've got people I can talk to now xx

 

[faust]

5 years ago I took some pills, someone broke in and called an ambulance, I was in a coma for a while and then landed myself a 3 weeks stay in the mental ward, since then I never open up to anyone about anything relating to how I feel, but it becomes a very lonely place when you can't talk to anyone with fear of them saying something to someone you don't want them too. Trust isn't my strong point anymore with people. I've spend years on different depression tablets that just don't work, there now testing me for autism but there is a two year waiting list for that so many I'll never make that appointment who knows what the future holds anymore. it feels nice for you all to be so nice and helpful and I do feel like I've got people I can talk to now xx

I don't know what you took, but I know most medicines are not fatal and you may eventually have many troubles with health. So I am glad nothing serious happened to you! But the thing that makes me worried is that you are on a waiting list. Is there any chances to visit private doctors? Yes, you will pay them money, but that is instant at least. Tell me if you can

 

[Shinbu]

Welcome to SS

 

[LostAllHope7651]

One of my ex's took an overdose on prescribed medication and I ordered the same off the internet at the time. Can't remember what the three we're now mind as it was 5 years ago.
I couldn't really afford to go threw a private doctors for it to be totally honest, so I'll just have to wait on the waiting list.

 

[PoisonedJuliet]

since then I never open up to anyone about anything relating to how I feel, but it becomes a very lonely place when you can't talk to anyone with fear of them saying something to someone you don't want them too.

I get this so much. I can barely tell my friends anything because I'm either afraid they'll judge me, treat me differently, tell others friends of family of mine, or that I'll put them into a bad place This forum is the only place I can talk about it and I am so thankful for it

 

[faust]

One of my ex's took an overdose on prescribed medication and I ordered the same off the internet at the time. Can't remember what the three we're now mind as it was 5 years ago.
I couldn't really afford to go threw a private doctors for it to be totally honest, so I'll just have to wait on the waiting list.

It is such a shame people have to be on a waiting list for such a long time! It is like telling the mom who is giving birth: " Sorry, we have no space, please, wait till somebody is discharged..." How are you feeling today?

 

[LostAllHope7651]

I'm not too bad now, was in a very dangerous scary place last night and this morning. Tend to turn to the bottle when am feeling bad and after drinking and spending all night staring at a Rope I'd made a few months back and a handful of Xanax, I eventually fell asleep and woke up this mornin still feeling rubbish so set up again and still didn't have the balls to do it, so packed it away and stayed in bed all day watching films instead ‍..... it's crazy how our minds work
Thank you for asking... feels relieving to unload the truth and not act like I've had a good night chilling x

 

[faust]

I'm not too bad now, was in a very dangerous scary place last night and this morning. Tend to turn to the bottle when am feeling bad and after drinking and spending all night staring at a Rope I'd made a few months back and a handful of Xanax, I eventually fell asleep and woke up this mornin still feeling rubbish so set up again and still didn't have the balls to do it, so packed it away and stayed in bed all day watching films instead ‍♀..... it's crazy how our minds work
Thank you for asking... feels relieving to unload the truth and not act like I've had a good night chilling x

That's good you feel better at least now! And if you do not find a willpower to do this, maybe that is a signal that feelings about suicide comfort you? Maybe you think that you can do that any time? At least for now, you could keep that rope somewhere else, but not by your side. Just remember, there is no need to rush.

 

[HannahB]

Welcome dear.

I'm not too bad now, was in a very dangerous scary place last night and this morning. Tend to turn to the bottle when am feeling bad and after drinking and spending all night staring at a Rope I'd made a few months back and a handful of Xanax, I eventually fell asleep and woke up this mornin still feeling rubbish so set up again and still didn't have the balls to do it, so packed it away and stayed in bed all day watching films instead ‍♀..... it's crazy how our minds work
Thank you for asking... feels relieving to unload the truth and not act like I've had a good night chilling x

It's good to see you. I'm glad we can provide an open and honest space for you to communicate your feelings. Theres loads of info on methods and recovery I hope you find what you need if you haven't already.

 

[LostAllHope7651]

I think it's the worry of something going wrong that scares me not to do it... but yer it's away till next time.

hows you?

 

[faust]

I think it's the worry of something going wrong that scares me not to do it... but yer it's away till next time.

hows you?

Hmmm, that is an interesting thing. Have you ever asked you like do you need this at all or maybe this is not exactly what you want?

 

[HannahB]

It's a common fear. There are tried and true methods. Seeing as your probably from the UK guns the most effective are usually off the table.
In the resources theres a book called the peaceful pill handbook that tells you how effective and painful each method is.

I'm pretty ok today I guess just the generall blahs

 

[LostAllHope7651]

Thank you Hannah I'll take a look,
One of my mates brothers a few years ago tried to jump of a bridge only it didn't work as planned and he was in a wheelchair been cared for 24/7 and I guess it's threw fear of things like that, making your life worse threw it, trust me it's not threw loving life at all.. just the worry that something may go wrong, you research and read story's, and I know Xanax don't have a very good rep but I thought my idea with them and the rope may have worked but am not sure and that's what puts u off, but maybe I'll be ok for a few days now or weeks who knows when the next time I feel I can't take anymore. Xx

Hmmm, that is an interesting thing. Have you ever asked you like do you need this at all or maybe this is not exactly what you want?

My life isn't what I want, nothing ever goes right and I'm sick of struggling to keep my head above water most days, don't get me
Wrong there are up and downs, and there is one person who makes me feel ok, but he's not living with me anymore so my weeks get harder and I hate been on my own which I seem to be all the time , I've struggled with this for years and years and one day I know it will get the better of me, that day just wasn't to be yesterday... the demons didn't win, but they will one day x

 

[jgm63]

Hi @LostAllHope7651
Can you tell us specifically what the biggest problems are in your life (if you're willing to share that, or of course you could generalise as much as you wish if you don't want to reveal certain information) ?

Perhaps you could also tell us :
Have you looked into different types of therapy, or investigated other ways of making improvements in your life ?
Obviously we have a duty to try to ensure you have investigated every possible avenue in those regards.....

 

[LostAllHope7651]

Hi @LostAllHope7651
Can you tell us specifically what the biggest problems are in your life (if you're willing to share that, or of course you could generalise as much as you wish if you don't want to reveal certain information) ?

Perhaps you could also tell us :
Have you looked into different types of therapy, or investigated other ways of making improvements in your life ?
Obviously we have a duty to try to ensure you have investigated every possible avenue in those regards.....

Hey, just fed up of trying to make life what I'd like it to be, fed up of nothing ever going right, fed up of heartache with partners, nothing about my life I like anymore and it's hard to make it work when u feel so alone all the time.
I had a ex 5 years ago who topped himself because I split up with him in short words and I don't think I've ever truly gotten over that to be honest.... things only ever go right in life for a short period then it's back to the same alone spot...
Life feels like an Escalator to me and I'm on the side which is going down and am always trying to run to the top of it but I never made it, everyone is in the race and I can't get off the starting block... it's just tiring to try make things work all the time.
I have been working but doctors put me on sick for a month now

 

[Suicide_vampire]

5 years ago I took some pills, someone broke in and called an ambulance, I was in a coma for a while and then landed myself a 3 weeks stay in the mental ward, since then I never open up to anyone about anything relating to how I feel, but it becomes a very lonely place when you can't talk to anyone with fear of them saying something to someone you don't want them too. Trust isn't my strong point anymore with people. I've spend years on different depression tablets that just don't work, there now testing me for autism but there is a two year waiting list for that so many I'll never make that appointment who knows what the future holds anymore. it feels nice for you all to be so nice and helpful and I do feel like I've got people I can talk to now xx

Hi there, I read your post, sorry to hear its going to take 2 years on waiting list to get a diagnosis. That's just ridiculous and they wonder why so many have troubles while waiting on mental health lists.
I hope things improve for you, I was just recently diagnosed with autism also. It doesn't change much getting the diagnosis, with regard to services that are offered.
If you want to talk about it I'm here.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I had a ex 5 years ago who topped himself because I split up with him in short words and I don't think I've ever truly gotten over that to be honest....

It's much harder to recover if you're taking responsibility for his actions. People are allowed to break up with other people. He committed suicide because he chose to commit suicide. Your words and actions did not cause such a drastic response to a normal life event. Hearing others' short words is something every human has to deal with. If you were responsible for his death, you would have been arrested. If you had stayed together, he would have had other exaggerated responses to your normal actions and you would have perhaps felt responsible for them, too. Reading between the lines, it sounds to me like it was a toxic relationship, good on you for taking the responsibility of self-care and ending it. You did not end him.