Method Hi guys, a lurker here ready to ctb next days

[BeyondHappiness]

Hello! Nice meeting you all, I am glad I found recently this website for about 2-3 weeks roughly.

I suffer from bipolar, ocd, high anxiety, depression(had mental health problems since childhood) and my whole life is a carousel of ups and downs, good and bad experiences, trauma, addictions, failed relationships. I have been hospitalized twice in the last 3 years due to manic episodes and both times ended in a very very bad depression. I have been suicidal for the past 6 months and I am too tired to start all over, have no hope for the future, and I just want to ctb. I feel like I gathered so much pain, my mind is so disturbed and in the last months I barely even get out of the house.

After researching the website for the past 3 weeks, since I can't get N, I came to the conclusion that SN is my way to go. Tomorrow I'll get it, and will follow the instructions in Stan's guide and get the other stuff too.
I heard as peacefulness goes it's a 7/10, but hopefuly with some benzos I'll raise the bar a little . My plan is to cbt in 2-3 days. If anyone here has tried this method before and failed, any information is grately appreciated. Right now I am reading the SN megathread.

 

[angel31]

I am so sorry that life has given you such shit, I hope everything works out your way and you pass peacefully
Love <3

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be so awful and tiring what you've had to endure, it must be a relief to know that you will soon be leaving this dreadful existence, I wish you the best with your plans and I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for.

 

[Fktw0rld]

I'm deeply sorry life has brought you down this road. As I am for everyone in our type of life predicament. I can fully relate to your use of the word, "gathered." Its hard for people, outside of our group, to understand what gathering pain is. And it's not something we set our sights on or do purposely. We all start out with an empty backpack. Some are able to gather useful things, happy things and things they like to dig through and look back on. Their bags are light and comfortable. We've managed to gather, hardship, regret, depression and painful memories, wishing we can start over with a new backpack. But unfortunately that's not how life works. It's heavy and the most we can do is take it off and walk away from it.

There's only 1 way to do that.

I hope you're able to find peace. One way or another.

Love and respect

 

[day]

I'm sorry life has brought you here.. I hope you find peace regardless of what you decide. Best of luck on your ventures forward OP.

 

[MrDarkness]

I hope your able to find peace, I'll join you soon