narval
Enlightened
- Jan 22, 2020
- 1,188
Okay, not lurking anymore since i feel my moment coming.
I'll try to explain my trajectory if you let me:
my childhood was extrange, my dad died time ago (when i was 6 years, now in 2020, i'll have 29). For as i remember, i never felt his dead and absense.
This is important for my actual situation: I don't care his dead, I never got to know him.
After that, i moved to the continent (was living in a island) with mi mother. There, along the years we moved more times, but never too far. Even i lived with my grandma for a while.
Until my mother meets another fool. Alcoholic fool, to be precise.
We move (for last time) to a village. There my sister borns. After, my mother's couple, with the time, goes worse in his alcoholism until he deads of neumony few years later.
Of course, my mother meets another fool. Also alcoholic. "Luckily" this fool is not dead.
In this whole time, while my mother is erratic, i manage to be ok, passing my exams, school, secondary, even i study programming.
i finished my studies about 8 years ago. In that's moment a mix of insecurity, inexplicable fear and a acquired-over-the-years-laziness hits me. some survival strategies and bad habits (like comic, books, videogames, gluttony) growth's and turns againt's me. Worst: i let them growth
the last year was the worst. i've lost 2 jobs. I'm out of money, living with my grandma, mother of my died father. i don't feel nothing for my dead father nor paternal family and i'm living as a parasite, pretending appreciation all time. Pretending that i'm trying to cary of my future. Even hiding a lot of my opinions. following my mother steps.
I don't have future perspective, a way of get income, job or purpose. however i have a jaded familiars, a quarantine and invoices. The next month is the month. I have the method (hanging of a portatil stair). Only need the oportunity and a little of will. or a savior miracle. I can't get anymore. i don't wanna live as the scum i am right now.
Thanks to all for stay here. I come time to time, but as english is hard for me, it was hard get encourage.
I'll try to explain my trajectory if you let me:
my childhood was extrange, my dad died time ago (when i was 6 years, now in 2020, i'll have 29). For as i remember, i never felt his dead and absense.
This is important for my actual situation: I don't care his dead, I never got to know him.
After that, i moved to the continent (was living in a island) with mi mother. There, along the years we moved more times, but never too far. Even i lived with my grandma for a while.
Until my mother meets another fool. Alcoholic fool, to be precise.
We move (for last time) to a village. There my sister borns. After, my mother's couple, with the time, goes worse in his alcoholism until he deads of neumony few years later.
Of course, my mother meets another fool. Also alcoholic. "Luckily" this fool is not dead.
In this whole time, while my mother is erratic, i manage to be ok, passing my exams, school, secondary, even i study programming.
i finished my studies about 8 years ago. In that's moment a mix of insecurity, inexplicable fear and a acquired-over-the-years-laziness hits me. some survival strategies and bad habits (like comic, books, videogames, gluttony) growth's and turns againt's me. Worst: i let them growth
the last year was the worst. i've lost 2 jobs. I'm out of money, living with my grandma, mother of my died father. i don't feel nothing for my dead father nor paternal family and i'm living as a parasite, pretending appreciation all time. Pretending that i'm trying to cary of my future. Even hiding a lot of my opinions. following my mother steps.
I don't have future perspective, a way of get income, job or purpose. however i have a jaded familiars, a quarantine and invoices. The next month is the month. I have the method (hanging of a portatil stair). Only need the oportunity and a little of will. or a savior miracle. I can't get anymore. i don't wanna live as the scum i am right now.
Thanks to all for stay here. I come time to time, but as english is hard for me, it was hard get encourage.
