I
itsallover
Arcanist
- Jun 29, 2018
- 478
I missed this community so much while I was trying to fix my condition. I recently had a procedure which as left me in excruciating pain. For any men out there I have CPPS also known as pelvic floor dysfunction in women. For men it is absolutely brutal. My rectum, pelvis, perineum (area between your testicles and anus) and even genitals begin to throb. It happened to me after an unnecessary catheterization in a hospital that I am suing for. I am thinking of staying alive just long enough to collect a settlement, give it to my mother and brother and then check out. It is the least that I can do for them. I could be posting this in chronic prostatitis forum, but feel more comfortable here. No offense to the women here with this post. My pubic bone area hurts as well and I feel the urge to urinate all day long. For the longest I wanted real payback, not just money. I am not a violent person, but you can only push a person so far. Thank you for all the ideas and feedback. I am very comfortable drinking SN one night and that being it. I don't see a future for myself with this. I finished college, had a career as a social worker and wanted to be a teacher. Life just screwed me over. I really didn't deserve this. I gave social work everything I had even at the expense of myself. If something were to happen to my mother who is basically my caretaker at this point, then I would not hesitate to go right after her. She would leave behind plenty in a will, but I don't want it. There is no purpose to life when you have lost your health. Everyone that I have talked to about this when I go for treatments asks me questions like "Were you in a car accident or something?" It was an absolutely extreme measure. It happened to me at 29 and I am 31 now. I really don't want to have another birthday at the end of the year or go through all the holidays. The doctor I am seeing now injected botox into my buttocks and everything is on fire. I was told to wait two weeks for the complete effect, but barely make it through the day with all my pain pills. It has left me completely debilitated. I don't know about you, but is this a good enough reason to end your life? I am considering extreme measures like cutting out my prostate to try and relieve the pain and urinary symptoms. I can't seem to get this through to the doctors who are just running my ass around. I have heard people say that I would just kill myself just so others can't hurt me anymore and I am starting to agree with that. I have looked into pacts because I'm a pussy, but suicide is a deeply personal thing and don't mind doing it alone anymore. I can't order poisons into the house with my mom here, but would not hesitate to hang myself if something bad were to happen to her. Any help or advice please? Anyone else dealing with something excruciating?