Hesitating

[IsntItOver]

I have everything ready, it's past time I've planned, but I'm still hesitating. Tbh I'm scared. And lonely. Can anyone please talk to me?

 

[FuneralCry]

Of course there is no rush to ctb, the option is always there to exit this world no matter what, but if you do choose to go through with it then I hope you find peace. I wish you the best.

 

[IsntItOver]

I'm scared of going to hell. I'm sad about how this will affect the people I leave behind. I'm afraid of doing it wrong and just ending up a vegetable.

I can't live anymore either though. Everything hurts too much. I've delayed enough, this has to be the day ...

 

[Sherri]

Hi, no need to rush , think this well, and don't feel compelled to do something you are not ready, its ok to wait. I have sn for a year and I'm still here. And I'm sorry life brought you to this decision. You are not alone. You have all of us here if you need to chat count me in. Hugs.

I'm scared of going to hell. I'm sad about how this will affect the people I leave behind. I'm afraid of doing it wrong and just ending up a vegetable.

I can't live anymore either though. Everything hurts too much. I've delayed enough, this has to be the day ...

Don't think about hell, think about you and what you want, maybe give life another go if you find it in you?

 

[IsntItOver]

I just can't go on anymore. I can't do another day, another week...

I have a bunch of pills next to me I'm waiting to take. Propanolol, lamictal, benadryl...& I have a noose in the closet waiting for me. I was going to try to OD and partial suspension hang. I've been planning it for a while. I've been writing my notes and everything.

I know people are saying there's no rush but I also just can't back down again, I've already backed down and it just delays the inevitable...

 

[Julgran]

As others have said, there's no rush to do anything. In fact, just having your suicide method ready at hand is a significant step, and you can let it be until the day you are ready, be it in one week's time, or 30 years from now. At least that's how I'm personally thinking right now - I wish to have a method ready, and then I will use it if I get ready to do it.

It's not always clear why one wishes to end their life, but I have always been afraid of dying a natural death, because I'm imagining that it involves suffocation or something similarly dreadful. Therefore, it's better to choose another way of dying, which suits oneself better.

Are you feeling like this because of depression, or did you get all those methods in place as a cry for help? From what I can read, you have already thought this through, at least, so the decision is up to you, but I hope that you are content in any decision that you ultimately make.

 

[IsntItOver]

I lost almost everything this year. My home, my career, my car, most of my possession, several important relationships, my self respect and self love and the love and respect of many others. This has just been the year from hell. What's the worst of it though is I did most of it to myself when I was in a manic phase or something after a psychotic break. I snapped and ruined everything I'd spent my whole adult life building. I feel like I already killed myself in a way because I destroyed my life and my identity. I feel like all I am now is just a ghost of myself, a husk...

Thank you everyone who is replying. I want to talk to someone but all the people I know irl would just try to intervene and I've already been through that so many times this year.
I don't think it's a cry for help because so many people have already tried to help me but no one can undo or fix all the damage that happened, that I did myself mostly, earlier this year.

I've gone from a nice home to homeless...I'm not homeless anymore, I've got a cheap but shitty apartment rn, but I miss having my nice home. I miss my old life but nothing can bring it back ...

 

[GentleJerk]

The millionaire who loses his fortune may feel lower than the one who never had a thing, loss is an extremely difficult thing to experience. Think everything through. If you are worried about hurting the people in your life, it's not too late to tell them what you're going through.

Speaking to the people in your life (preferably multiple times) about your decision will ease their minds. Ideally give it some time. They will process things better knowing this is something you have wanted and are certain about. Who knows maybe this will pass. I'm hoping for your situation to turn around. But whatever happens, it's your choice... May you find peace.

 

[IsntItOver]

Trying to ctb rn

 

[PrincessInWhite]

I don't want to be that person telling you life gets better blah blah but I CAN say PLEASE do not OD on what you listed!!! You're going to give yourself organ damage, it won't kill you. You need to slow down here. I understand, my brain races too (ADHD). But you are going to create more issues for yourself from what you listed here. Are you willing to table this just for now? I really would hate to see you cause yourself more pain

 

[IsntItOver]

I didn't OD on those meds. Trying to partial suspension hang in the closet, but I'm easing into it