Helping others recover

[-nobodyknows-]

I have had a thought. I have a wish to be wanted, to have a purpose in life. To have meaning. But I am too distorted, too twisted, to ever do things the normal way. My heart is shrouded in a cold, black fog, that darkens the lives of others. But… what if there was someone who carried a darkness like mine? Would they be able to accept me? And, even if they did… I wouldn't want them to share the same fate as I do.

I once knew someone long ago who tried to help me. But, they had to stop. My darkness started to spill on to them. And, they were doing a lot better than I was.

So, here's the question: if growing close to someone causes them to spill some of their burdens onto you, wouldn't someone who will probably die soon anyway be the perfect person to do so? A normal person would start to slip, but if one had already fallen off, why not do so? I can do something good with what remains of my life. And, if it crushes me a little bit faster… is that really so horrible? I am already destined for such a fate. If I can bring comfort to someone for a little while, I think I should.

One of the most dangerous parts about rescuing a drowning person is the tendency for the drowning to pull down their rescuer in order to try and stay above the surface. Generally, it is recommended that the rescuer let the other person drown if they have to put themselves at risk. But someone like me, someone who is already destined for the bottom… I cannot help but wonder if I should do something.

I don't even know anyone in my life who is like me. I'm easily the most screwed up person I know. And, even if there was another, would they even want me to be there? I do not know, and if they didn't, I know there is nothing I can do for them. But if I could meet someone who did, someone who wanted to escape, I would like to help them.

I know I am likely simply projecting my own desires on to others. I know it's selfish. I know it's not for a good reason. But, perhaps that is what is needed. There are so many people with good intentions who have a tendency to fall short, for one reason or another. I think it's because people have a tendency to underestimate this sort of thing. They don't realize how much they'd have to sacrifice to truly help someone. But… what if someone was willing to give up everything, even destroy themselves in the process, because they were destined for destruction anyway?

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's a kind idea. I'm not sure about the best method of 'saving' someone though. I'd imagine it would be to try to guide them towards positivity and life. Can a suicidal person do that all that effectively? We're probably more set on death!

Do we believe in recovery even? Maybe we do for others but, not for ourselves but, that can come across as kind of hypocritical in a way I imagine. As in- your problems are less severe than mine. If you put in enormous effort, with my help, it will pay off but, I'm not going to do the same because my problems are worse than yours. There's no way of fixing me. I'm not sure I'd be all that convinced with a suicidal life coach!

Friendship tends to create a bond too. Effectively, the suicidal person is saying to the other person- I'm going to carry you to the shore and then, I want you to stand back and let me drown. Will their new 'friend' want to do that? I imagine the ideal is that they both scramble to the shore together or even, that they both drown together.

That's in real life though- I'm imagining. I think it could well work somewhere like here though. To an extent, I think we're all providing that support to one another here now by listening and responding to each other's vents. As to recovery though, I'm not so convinced. I kind of think you might need to be open to recovery yourself for it to be convincing. Maybe, like you say though- someone less far gone could be helped. I wonder how many people operating those helplines have severely struggled themselves.