NSFW Help with r*pe flashbacks… literally cant even shower or look at myself without breaking into panic

[Mitsuki_the_unloved]

How do I not stop having the most fucking agregious mass effect beacon ass flashbacks every other heartbeat and whenever I see myself in My reflection, get dressed or undressed or take a shower I see rape flashbacks and i dart my eyes around rapidly trying to shake it from my mind and hyperventilate… I haven't showered in weeks now it's disgusting… why is it getting harder not easier??????!!!

 

[divinemistress36]

Emdr therapy

 

[Dot]

How do I not stop having the most fucking agregious mass effect beacon ass flashbacks every other heartbeat and whenever I see myself in My reflection, get dressed or undressed or take a shower I see rape flashbacks and i dart my eyes around rapidly trying to shake it from my mind and hyperventilate… I haven't showered in weeks now it's disgusting… why is it getting harder not easier??????!!!

Hve u gt urslf n.e professnl spport fr wht happnd

U cld contct ur GP fr referrl or thre r also mny orgnisatns wh/ cn refr u fr th/ propr hlp &/or gve u speclisd peer spport

Sexual Assault support resources.

Written by @Dot, I'm just the messenger to make it more accessible. Many people on SaSu have been victims of rape, incest and sexual assault which can be a factor in the reasons for being suicidal. Below is a list of support organisations for people who have been impacted and are not sure...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[Jdieiejdjaow]

I'm truly sorry you're dealing with such pain on a daily basis. Having emotional and/or visual flashbacks of our past hurt when the abuser inflicted damage in our vulnerable moments can be so detrimental. Know that you're not alone and many sufferers go through this. This might be an opportunity to explore in group therapy if it's something you'd be open to.

As @Dot and @divinemistress36 pointed out, getting help is the first step in starting to address the symptoms of (C)PTSD.

There are many modalities for treating trauma, some are (list not exhaustive): EMDR, Somatic Experiencing, NARM, neurofeedback (not therapy but can help with emotion regulation - best done in conjunction with therapy), sensorimotor psychotherapy, Brainspotting, IFS.

Know there's help and finding a professional who is specialized in treating trauma gives you the best chance at healing.

 

[Melly]

Short-term there are a few things that might help you lower the mental toll of taking care of yourself as an example covering mirrors, washing your hair in the sink, wiping your body clean with baby wipes or wet cloth etc without having to get in the shower. You sound like you're in survival mode so definitely try to make your life easier until you can gather the strength to at least get the proper help and support. It will get easier but you'll need lots of patience... Good luck & stay safe

 

[fadinggirl]

How do I not stop having the most fucking agregious mass effect beacon ass flashbacks every other heartbeat and whenever I see myself in My reflection, get dressed or undressed or take a shower I see rape flashbacks and i dart my eyes around rapidly trying to shake it from my mind and hyperventilate… I haven't showered in weeks now it's disgusting… why is it getting harder not easier??????!!!

it got harder instead of easier for me too
:( showers are the worst for flashbacks for some reason

 

[monolog]

Probably you won't do this without drugs or supplements

 

[Jdieiejdjaow]

Probably you won't do this without drugs or supplements

That's actually a very invalidating thing to say. EMDR may work for OP and resolve their flashbacks even without taking medication if it's something they can work with. Not everybody needs medication (and medication works for at most 40% of people anyways). And even if they need medication, tying someone's identity to the meds is a no no.

 

[monolog]

That's actually a very invalidating thing to say. EMDR may work for OP and resolve their flashbacks even without taking medication if it's something they can work with. Not everybody needs medication (and medication works for at most 40% of people anyways). And even if they need medication, tying someone's identity to the meds is a no no.

Maybe pets would heal also? I've heard they work fine for PTSD

 

[Dot]

Maybe pets would heal also? I've heard they work fine for PTSD

Thre = also a thred fr animls as therpy if tht ws smethng tht OP ws interstd in

Animals as Therapy - some ideas

Disclaimer: This is written by @Dot. I am just being the voice so accessible to more people. The use of animals for mental health and well-being Lots of people find animals very comforting for different reasons so we have put together a thread of different ways to access animals either online...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[Mitsuki_the_unloved]

I'm awaiting therapy and have engaged with CBT DBT and taken every SSRI and am currently trying an SNRI, I am very proactive trying to access care and medication… i even paid for better help but I couldn't afford it after having to move in January :(

Not going to address any singular reply but I appreciate the ones who have sympathy, empathy and who are proposing genuinely good advice… should have been clearer that I am trying to access therapy and have been seeing a therapist and psych for meds.

Oh and to people who suggested getting a pet thats actually the best advice and believe me my fiancee and I are trying it's just we have a flat… i used to have a furry son and I rescued him nursed him to health and we fell deeply in love we each other and lord i miss him every day and he was the biggest help for my issues.

P.s I literally dont get to talk to anyone about my issues outside of therapy and it's not frequent enough so not having a support network or any friends to confide in has been the biggest setback. If you push a car one every couple second it still rolls back down the hill….

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Never dealt with anything even close to this bad, but I wanted to throw something in here just in case. I've been interested in meditation for a while and was thinking that if the ability to focus on other stuff gets good, then you'd have the option to hear/see/feel things that aren't the flashbacks (among other benefits, I have a megathread about meditation if you think it could be of help https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/meditation-megathread-pin-this.187169/).