Venting Help, too scared to kms

[ireallywasnttogopls]

I was thinking of doing it tomorrow, I have the noose set up for FSH

Can someone encourage me please , I know suicide is good for me

I hate my life so much I have ADHD social anxiety and I'm super ugly and my parents are so disappointed in me especially after police came to my house because I was caught shoplifting

I also can't deal with the stress of school, my grades are so bad and I keep on procrastinating doing my assignments and procrastinating studying for my tests. I don't know what's wrong with me I feel like a bum and it will only get harder in college. I'm literally not going to amount to anything with my brain I swear I had a whole week off of school to study for my anatomy test and I decided to only study the night before and I bombed it. Idk what's wrong with me

My parents said I'm a disgrace and they are embarrassed of me and can't believe they gave birth to a theif, I am tired

I just need encouragement, but survival instinct kicks in and my brain gets so irrational convincing myself things are better then they really are, I know I'll be more at peace if I kms I just am paralyzed in doing so


This probably makes no sense but thanks for resding

 

[badatparties]

are you in high school still?

 

[idontknowwhatiam]

I was thinking of doing it tomorrow, I have the noose set up for FSH

Can someone encourage me please , I know suicide is good for me

I hate my life so much I have ADHD social anxiety and I'm super ugly and my parents are so disappointed in me especially after police came to my house because I was caught shoplifting

I also can't deal with the stress of school, my grades are so bad and I keep on procrastinating doing my assignments and procrastinating studying for my tests. I don't know what's wrong with me I feel like a bum and it will only get harder in college. I'm literally not going to amount to anything with my brain I swear I had a whole week off of school to study for my anatomy test and I decided to only study the night before and I bombed it. Idk what's wrong with me

My parents said I'm a disgrace and they are embarrassed of me and can't believe they gave birth to a theif, I am tired

I just need encouragement, but survival instinct kicks in and my brain gets so irrational convincing myself things are better then they really are, I know I'll be more at peace if I kms I just am paralyzed in doing so


This probably makes no sense but thanks for resding

I don't think anyone here will "encourage "you... It's your decision and choice... You think we want the guilt of you ctb in our conscience? Aren't we all messed up enough?

 

[doomedbynarrative]

I'm sorry your parents treat you that way. For some reason, parents all across the world think that degrading and using what they think is "tough love" on their children will help them. It never does and it has never worked on a single person. It has only ever torn people down and it is not right.

 

[ireallywasnttogopls]

are you in high school still?

I'm 18 yo senior

I'm sorry your parents treat you that way. For some reason, parents all across the world think that degrading and using what they think is "tough love" on their children will help them. It never does and it has never worked on a single person. It has only ever torn people down and it is not right.

I know right!!

I don't want to blame them but at the same time their "parenting" only contributed to my suicidal thoughts

They took away all my devices and all my skincare products and drained my bank account, they also took away the car and I have to walk to school (this was my punishment for shoplifting )

I'm typing on a burner phone I managed to sneakily purchase

But it's so isolating because now I have no phone number to communicate with my classmates and I have no car to participate and hangouts (not that I had a lot of friends anyway but still(

I don't think anyone here will "encourage "you... It's your decision and choice... You think we want the guilt of you ctb in our conscience? Aren't we all messed up enough?

You right that's a fair point lol I guess it's kinda selfish

But you shouldn't feel guilty ctb would give me peace

 

[Thia]

1) We can't encourage anyone to kill yourself, least of all someone in your situation. Although it is ultimately your decision, to be honest your situation is not hopeless and personally I think it would be a shortsighted decision to ctb over this.
2) You say you are eighteen now, but your join date is in 2023; did you make an account here when you were 15/16...?
3) "idk what's wrong with me" -> your symptoms are classic ADHD, as you say yourself. Meds might work. They have improved me concentrate

 

[doomedbynarrative]

I know right!!

I don't want to blame them but at the same time their "parenting" only contributed to my suicidal thoughts

They took away all my devices and all my skincare products and drained my bank account, they also took away the car and I have to walk to school (this was my punishment for shoplifting )

I'm typing on a burner phone I managed to sneakily purchase

But it's so isolating because now I have no phone number to communicate with my classmates and I have no car to participate and hangouts (not that I had a lot of friends anyway but still(

Personally, most people these days are not emotionally, financially, or psychologically equipped to have children. And that's just my view from living in western society. I know for a fact it's so much worse in eastern society.

I will say this, depending on what country you are in, you are 18 and it sounds like you are able bodied. Once you graduate high school, even if it feels like you have no options to get out of that house, there are some options to choose from whether you want to take the hard and slow route (get a low wage job/save up money slowly) or the harder and faster route (just packing your stuff and leaving to go literally anywhere but there and try to live in a car or a shelter or street for the while and find ways to make money to save up).

All in all though, I would recommend not shoplifting anymore either. Getting caught by parents is one thing. Getting caught by authorities is soooo much worse, I promise you.

It is up to you but I personally think you have a shot at getting better.