Help Hello?

[1227rana]

Is there anyone here I can talk to? I'm 40 years old. I first attempted suicide when I was 15. I feel like a complete idiot that I'm still here. Things are not better. I'm just failing at killing myself. I have a firearm, but I really don't know how to use it, so I don't know how reliable of a method that would be. I'm sorry if this post is against the rules. I have SN, but I keep reading about it and it doesn't feel that reliable either. I can't fail this next time I try because that will make things even worse. I have been hospitalized and they just took all my possessions from me and forced me to stay conscious in a room by myself. Nobody came to talk to me. I'm already so alone, that was excruciating. I can't have this consciousness any longer. It is too painful to be conscious. Everyone expects me to figure out how to get help, but there isn't any. I have a 12 year old dog and he is what is keeping me here as I don't know who would care for him when I'm gone. I'm at the point, though, where I'm scared that I won't be able to care for him either as I am in too much pain being alive. I'm so scared.

 

[FuneralCry]

Living really is so painful and I know that it can be unbearable when you suffer so much. I'm sorry that you are in this situation. Suicide really is so difficult after all and I think that if it was easier to leave I would already be gone. I wish that there is a way to peacefully pass away without having to go through the process of planning ctb. I understand having the fear of failing ctb. I wish you relief from your suffering.

 

[Deleted member 31858]

I am against the people who want to keep us alive. However, you are the only thing your dog has and your dog is the only thing you have. Try to hold on to it as much as you can. Don't leave him alone, you are his life, I'm not trying to make you feel bad but if you can't do it anymore, first leave him in a safe place with people who can take care of him, please. I'm so sorry you're going through this, life is unbearable. You are not alone, you have your lovely dog and us here. You need to write more posts so we can pm you if you want to talk