Venting Hello trans brothers, sisters, and siblings. How've you been? Have anything to get off your mind?

[ScottPilgram]

Yes I am making a thread specifically for trans people if they exist on this forum lol. Feelin a little alone right now and my dysphoria is super bad. So let's all vent together? How's life been? I'm interested! Even if I don't reply to everything I really am.

With me I'm feeling stuck. I haven't gotten the referral for top surgery I want yet because therapys been slow and I'm in a really red state. I want to change my name but that's a lot of money. And I want to get on T but it's taking forever. My dysphoria is through the roof. This morning I got up and looking in the mirror and felt overwhelmingly ugly and fat and like I don't even deserve to be a guy/don't look like one. I base a lot of my self worth and how I view myself as a human on being fat. It sucks because if I look in the mirror and feel "fatter" than I am then I feel like I don't deserve respect from any human and part of that is taking away my own pronouns and name which makes me feel worse and physically sick because I can't stand being called she or my stupid mega feminine birth name. Bluh.

 

[waived]

I hate my name too and have considered changing it many times and for the same reason. In the go back in time thread instead of posting something ridiculous about dinosaurs I could have said hrt and srs as soon as I could have.

 

[RainAndSadness]

There are some trans people in this forum, I'm one of them (transwoman here). I'm sorry you're in this position. Being trans is a very difficult journey and I hope you'll find a way to solve your issues. I'm aware of the suicide rate and I'm happy for all trans people who manage to escape their suffering. I can relate to your post a lot since I'm also dealing with severe body dysphoria and I'm struggling with my name change.

I started my HRT 2 years ago. There are some threads dedicated to the struggles I'm currently facing but the short version is: I'm very suicidal despite all the progress I made so far. I have many reasons to ctb, not all of them are connected to my trans identity. For example, I got bullied for years back in school, which badly damaged my mental health. I also live in poverty and there doesn't seem a way to escape that either. I'm just tired and I hope to leave soon. The method problems is solved in my case.

I wish you can get your name changed soon. Good luck with the surgeries.

 

[Moldova_3k]

Being Trans is really hard. Even if you live in the right area it is just tough. Body dysphoria is just the worse and I am sorry to hear you going through all the trouble. It is a difficult journey regardless. I am happy for all the trans folk that find their way and through their problems. I relate a lot to your posts with body dsyphoria as I always hated mine and still do.


I started HRT 6 years ago. And while me personally solved I get to be the real me, it costed me a lot (friends, family, jobs). Yet, it feels like I am unwelcome in the world.

 

[CFLoser]

I hate how I am and I want the thoughts to go away.

 

[ScottPilgram]

I hate my name too and have considered changing it many times and for the same reason. In the go back in time thread instead of posting something ridiculous about dinosaurs I could have said hrt and srs as soon as I could have.

It's really hard to settle on a name lol. I've changed mine 3 times but not officially because it's expensive and time consuming.

There are some trans people in this forum, I'm one of them (transwoman here). I'm sorry you're in this position. Being trans is a very difficult journey and I hope you'll find a way to solve your issues. I'm aware of the suicide rate and I'm happy for all trans people who manage to escape their suffering. I can relate to your post a lot since I'm also dealing with severe body dysphoria and I'm struggling with my name change.

I started my HRT 2 years ago. There are some threads dedicated to the struggles I'm currently facing but the short version is: I'm very suicidal despite all the progress I made so far. I have many reasons to ctb, not all of them are connected to my trans identity. For example, I got bullied for years back in school, which badly damaged my mental health. I also live in poverty and there doesn't seem a way to escape that either. I'm just tired and I hope to leave soon. The method problems is solved in my case.

I wish you can get your name changed soon. Good luck with the surgeries.

The suicide rate is horrendous for trans people yeah. There's a lot of theorys as to why but who knows. I'm sorry you can relate it's such a difficult thing to deal with. I hope if you end up going you go peacefully.

Being Trans is really hard. Even if you live in the right area it is just tough. Body dysphoria is just the worse and I am sorry to hear you going through all the trouble. It is a difficult journey regardless. I am happy for all the trans folk that find their way and through their problems. I relate a lot to your posts with body dsyphoria as I always hated mine and still do.


I started HRT 6 years ago. And while me personally solved I get to be the real me, it costed me a lot (friends, family, jobs). Yet, it feels like I am unwelcome in the world.

It's sad I understand that not being welcome feeling. So many people are against us it's hard to not feel like that. It sucks you lost so many people but in the long run those people would have fucked with you if they stayed.

 

[YukiFox]

Hi to all. Non-binary woman here.
I'm not made any physical change yet, my dysphoria hit me like a truck those days. I'm feeling uncomfortable about being a trans woman, but I'm want to change as quick as possible on my body. Firstly, I build my gender identity on my mind.
Yet, I'm still suicidal. It's part of me. That will not end, even I made into a complete gender affirmation process. My gender affirmation will make me more comfortable with my image, period.
If someone wants to discuss or just chat with me about gender dysphoria, gender affirmation or any kind of topic about trans community just pm me.

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

Hi everyone.
When I decided to transition (it wasn't really a decision, more like realisation that I will do it after so many years of thinking about it) I was stupid enough to think it will solve at least some of my mental issues, big NO! and people told me so but I didn't listen.
I was depressed before, really deeply unsatisfied with my life and my body, I thought about suicide and definitely was not in good place so I happily rushed into transition being overly positive but didn't plan it well.
For the fist year and a half I thought only about transition 24/7 and neglected everything else, I made a huge financial mistake that will change my life to worse.
Now depression returned, my social anxiety got stronger, and I realized that I was hugboxed about my passing and didn't have facial surgery as I have planned in the beginning.
I am still want to have but it feels kinda pointless.. I don't know why.
Dysphoria is less these days but I don't pass well and it very hard to be confident so I stopped dressing in feminine clothes, use make up and now I dress mostly androgynously.
I don't know really if it was worth it, maybe I should have just remove the beard and body hair, and loose some muscles? Sometimes that feels enough, but mostly not.
I am so lost. I am a total fuck up. I am very dissapointed with myself...
I would be dead already if I didn't have my SO. She's my ancor to this world.

 

[suicidal_joe]

Hello... I... I guess I'm still coming to terms with the fact that I'm trans... A few days ago I gathered up the courage to finally confront my feelings, and asked other trans people in a discord server im in and reached a sort of understanding with myself. Though I'm not 100% sure of my identity yet, I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me.

I've attached the message i sent to the chat since i dont wanna type anymore, so here it is.
2 people replied to my message (the channel isnt very active) and I just... I'm so thankful, there answers helped a lot, I've never really truly opened up about those feelings except there because I was so scared of understanding it, and i was afraid my friends would find me disgusting or misunderstand me.

I'd like to thank them again once I've truly accepted myself. If either of you are reading this, thank you again, I couldn't really find the right words to express my thanks at the time, but thank you so so much. (If any transphobe is reading this thread right now, please be respectful and let us be)

 

[FFTMGD]

Just want to put out there I am Trans on these forums as well... MtF, and thats definitely the top reason I am on these forums at all. I will probably pop in and out incoherently until I figure out how to CtB, but I will probably see you around!

 

[Throwaway9787]

 

[RainAndSadness]

Quick reminder: you are all valid.

 

[RainAndSadness]

Why would you want a surgery that would create a literal wound that you have to constantly dilate in order to keep it open. Everything else i understand but not that. Hunters kept hers i believe

They never mentioned the bottom surgery. They said they want the top surgery (masectomy). Why are you trying to start shit? Also this person is clearly female-to-male, so why would the surgery create a "wound" that needs to be dilated if that only happens in male-to-female cases?

Quote:

I haven't gotten the referral for top surgery I want yet because therapys been slow and I'm in a really red state. I

Tsk tsk tsk. Poor attempt of spreading transphobic talking points @Throwaway9787. If you don't know anything about transgender issues, you should stop talking.

 

[Throwaway9787]

They never mentioned the bottom surgery. They said they want the top surgery (masectomy). Why are you trying to start shit? Also this person is clearly female-to-male, so why would the surgery create a "wound" that needs to be dilated if that only happens in male-to-female cases?

Quote:



Tsk tsk tsk. Poor attempt of spreading transphobic talking points @Throwaway9787. If you don't know anything about transgender issues, you should stop talking.

im not transphobic fam.

 

[RainAndSadness]

im not transphobic fam.

Then why are you telling a female-to-male trans person that the bottom surgery creates a wound that needs to be dilated if that's not the medical procedure for female-to-male trans people but male-to-female trans people? And why are you even refering to the bottom surgery if ScottPilgram clearly is talking about the top surgery? The whole talking point about bottoms surgeries creating "wounds" is transphobic by its very nature because that's not how we define the result of medical surgeries. If you get a nose surgery, do you suddenly have a wound on your face?

 

[Throwaway9787]

Then why are you telling a female-to-male trans person that the bottom surgery creates a wound that needs to be dilated if that's not the medical procedure for female-to-male trans people but male-to-female trans people? And why are you even refering to the bottom surgery if ScottPilgram clearly is talking about the top surgery? The whole talking point about bottoms surgeries creating "wounds" is transphobic by its very nature because that's not how we define the result of medical surgeries. If you get a nose surgery, do you suddenly have a wound on your face?

I thought when they top surgery that it was the "top" surgery. I didn't see the ftm.

 

[RainAndSadness]

I thought when they top surgery that it was the "top" surgery. I didn't see the ftm.

No, they were talking about some kind of mastectomy, which is referring to the removal of the female breasts - which is a procedure very similar to the ones we regularly perform on cancer patients and people who suffer from breasts hypertrophy or gynecomastia by the way. I mention this to point out that these medial procedures are not exclusive to transgender people and they weren't even invented for them. There is nothing wrong about these procedures, it doesn't make anything 'unnatural'. And ScottPilgim mentioned hormone replacement therapy with testosterone, which means they most likely identify as a man. And even the bottom surgery for trans women doesn't create a "wound". That's utterly disrespectful not only to all the trans women who decide to get the surgery but also to all intersex women who were born with an incomplete or dysfunctional vagina. We also perform vaginoplasties on them all the time, even when they're children in many cases. But nobody points out they have "wounds" because these vaginas are completely functional and identical to natal vaginas after the surgery in most cases.

 

[Throwaway9787]

No, they were talking about some kind of mastectomy, which is referring to the removal of the female breasts - which is a procedure very similar we regularly perform for cancer patients, people who suffer from breasts hypertrophy or gynecomastia by the way. I mention this to point out that these medial procedures are not exclusive to transgender people and they weren't even invented for them. There is nothing wrong about these procedures, it doesn't make anything 'unnatural'. And ScottPilgim mentioned hormone replacement therapy with testosterone, which means they most likely identify as a man. And even the bottom surgery for trans women doesn't create a "wound". That's utterly disrespectful not only to all the trans women who decide to get the surgery but also to all intersex women who were born with an incomplete or dysfunctional vagina. We also perform vaginoplasties on them all the time, even when they're children in many cases.

I'm sorry

 

[oopswronglife]

I saw this pop up and wanted to lend my support. Trans people suffer one of the highest, if not the highest suicide rate of any specific group. It's not wonder given the internal struggles they go through and the effects of hormones and society's bullshit. It takes incredible strength to be yourself in the best of times, when doing so puts a target on your back, as it shamefully has so many groups throughout history, it's an act of unimaginable courage. I wish for all of you to live long enough, and be healthy throughout, to see this pass. If any of us have learned anything about people it's that they will always find someone else to hate so your time in the fire won't last forever. Be brave. Be a good person to others. Be your authentic self. Fuck em if they can't deal...it's NEVER about you or anything you've done wrong. It's ALWAYS about them and their own failures as people.

 

[ScottPilgram]

Heyoo Hi again from this thread! I recently came out as Nonbinary to a lot of people even though I thought I was a trans man! Crazy right? I was so sure for 6 years but I just wanted to tell everyone something. You're still valid no matter when you figure it out. No matter what age or anything. You can change your name whenever you want too. Fuck those who shame you and say you aren't really trans if you find out ur one thing and u dont end up sticking to that thing because you find ur more comfy with something else and fit more there. LIFE IS FULL OF DISCOVERIES! It just be like that you kno?

 

[cryptic_cynic]

My life is full of shitty "discoveries." I just want it all to end already.

 

[ScottPilgram]

My life is full of shitty "discoveries." I just want it all to end already.

true true :/ I was speaking more in a gender sense

 

[kkatt]

Also non binary here....not a youngster so for many years it's been "androgynous" or simply "shit at being a girl".
I've no desire to dress,act or live as a male. Neither as a female.
Most people that know me find it a bit of a mystery. But now there is a word to describe this.

 

[oopswronglife]

I've no desire to dress,act or live as a male. Neither as a female.

Nor should you have to. It's getting better out there...its not good but its getting better. You used to not even hear of transgender people and most would tut or criticize it...I was totally ignorant to the issues faced because of this....now more and more people are informed and supportive. Everyone should get to be themselves and I will always support that. I went to a doctors office recently and saw a flag I had never seen in an office. I asked what it was and they said it was a Trans Flag to show they were friendly. That's pretty cool if you ask me. Some day a new issue will take the forefront, and trans people will not be notable...they will just be.

 

[cryptic_cynic]

Also non binary here....not a youngster so for many years it's been "androgynous" or simply "shit at being a girl".
I've no desire to dress,act or live as a male. Neither as a female.
Most people that know me find it a bit of a mystery. But now there is a word to describe this.

The closest terms to nonbinary I knew even just ten years ago were genderqueer and agender. Personally, I like nonbinary better.

 

[GemCami]

Im glad theres a small community of trans people here. Im a transwoman who can no longer tolerate the biological body/sex i was born with. I hope maybe here i can find some strength to do whatever will help me, regardless of what that is.

 

[Cutter3991]

I'm doing fucking terrible. I'm tired of living in a mans body. I'm tired of the looks and judgements I get for wearing makeup, earrings, etc. I dyed my hair and thought that would make me feel better but it hasn't. My na community treats me like an outcast. They fucked with me hardcore when I was just saying I was gay but now that I came out as trans little to nooone does. I'm tired emotionally and mentally. My depression is terrible. I just want to end all of this once and for all. No more pain. No more judgement.

Im glad theres a small community of trans people here. Im a transwoman who can no longer tolerate the biological body/sex i was born with. I hope maybe here i can find some strength to do whatever will help me, regardless of what that is.

I am with you on that. I can't stand being in a mans body. I'm tired of it

 

[INWonderland]

Cis-Fem here poking her head in where it's not wanted. I am so sorry for the pain that this community is going through. I dated a man pre-transition and witnessed the dysphoria first hand and the pain he was in daily. I want everyone here to know that you are valid and so incredibly strong in my opinion. (not that my opinion matters all that much) and I hope each of you finds peace (regardless of what that is)

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

I am still kicking. I had FFS two weeks ago but it doesn't help, I still feel worthless and ugly.
I am not sure anymore of this is dysporia or dysmorphia.
I think about suicide almost every day.
I don't know what to do. I am in pain and I am tired.

 

[Maledictus]

Genderfluid dysphoria is slowly killing me as usual, but I've been coping by ignoring it, which probably won't be healthy in the long run but what else can I do?? Unless the sort of thing seen in Sword Art Online becomes possible within my lifetime, I'm screwed.