illvoid
he/it
- Aug 11, 2022
- 125
Hi. So a little over a month back, I attempted to ctb via drinking a lot and drowning. Obviously did not work, as I am still here. I knew it wouldn't, but I was desperate after my last hospitalization. When I was taken to the hospital, I was diagnosed with PTSD and acute schizophrenia. I was placed in another psychiatric facility. My medication makes me feel like a completely different person, and does not help. I feel like I will never find peace. I don't understand why people see dying as such an awful thing. I don't want to die because I'm depressed. I'm not depressed and I haven't been for a long time. I want to die because living is a constant struggle for me. I have very few life skills and struggle to take care of myself. I will likely never live on my own or maintain a job. My life is not fulfilling and I don't believe that it ever will be. If the people in my life would simply make peace with death, I wouldn't have this struggle. I know that's next to impossible, but I really wish it wasn't.