Venting Hello, I'm Tyler.

[TylerNY]

Good afternoon everyone,

My name is Tyler and I have lurked these forums for quite some time and have finally made an account. I've been steadily heading towards a peaceful end.

To keep a long story short, here is mine.

I was raised by a single mom due to my father being a Navy SEAL and always messing around with other women. I don't have any father issues but my future reflected on it.

I'll be 30 on February 28th, if I make it. But at age 17, I dropped out of highschool to get my GED so I could join the military as soon as possible. After boot camp for the U.S. Army, I went to a party...got very drunk and ended up getting a girl pregnant. I was unable to serve as single parent so it was either, marry her or give up custody. I could not do either so I was discharged on that condition. I was trapped, had two more with her. She ended up crazy and tried to kill us by setting fire to the apartment.

I got my kids out to my mom's. Her parents filed for custody and won due to I didn't have a stable job because she would call my managers stating I sexually harassed her under a false name. Also, she stated that I sexually abused my daughter. I would never and the investigation showed I didn't. But because of that, the judge still didn't trust me to be alone with them.

I meet a woman who is the world to me, I love her incredibly so. We've been together for 4 years and we got engaged. But in the long run, she misses her ex. I was a rebound. I lost my job in March of 2018 and she kicked me out. I lived out of my car for 6 months until I got another amazing job and she took me back. Well...I lost that job last week.

And now I have no 401k, car insurance will be due, child support which will land me in jail if I do not pay, I do not qualify for unemployment this time...

I feel like it's now the time to find my peace. Not give up...but allow who I love to be happy without depending on me and making them miserable as I stay. Kind of like Jackson Maine in that A Star is Born movie.

I'm tired of being tired. I just hope I get to see the Avengers End Game before I do!

 

[15dec]

I'm so sorry that you've had such hard times and that you're feeling so low, life really is cruel sometimes and you certainly didn't deserve the things you've been through. I hope you find some peace here on SS, welcome to the site! Sending you hugs

 

[TylerNY]

I'm so sorry that you've had such hard times and that you're feeling so low, life really is cruel sometimes and you certainly didn't deserve the things you've been through. I hope you find some peace here on SS, welcome to the site! Sending you hugs

That means a lot. I'm always the guy that will sacrifice anything for another. I know I don't deserve this plus more what's going on...but all I can do is to look up at the stars and think...I'm in the wrong time.

 

[Macc Lad]

I'm so sorry that you've had such hard times and that you're feeling so low, life really is cruel sometimes and you certainly didn't deserve the things you've been through. I hope you find some peace here on SS, welcome to the site! Sending you hugs

glad you've joined.........and you're no longer "lurking" lol........welcome!

 

[brighter]

I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I hope life treats you better, soon. We're here for you :)

 

[TylerNY]

For those certain people wondering my method:

I plan to do partial with heavy drinking and about 10 pills of Ambien. Just one of those knocks me out!

I hope to come back from a bar...watch a movie while eating a juicy steak, take those Ambien, Chris Cornell it and fall asleep partially squatting.

 

[ThinkingAboutThis]

I am sorry. I could certainly relate on the father situation. My father wasn't in the Navy, but he sure was quite a womanizer. It affected my life in ways that I became more withdrawn and quiet over the years than I needed to be. I had some really great jobs in the past, and am now barely surviving, so I can relate. Really sorry again.

 

[brighter]

For those certain people wondering my method:

I plan to do partial with heavy drinking and about 10 pills of Ambien. Just one of those knocks me out!

I hope to come back from a bar...watch a movie while eating a juicy steak, take those Ambien, Chris Cornell it and fall asleep partially squatting.

You seem to have it planned. If you go through with it, I suggest you cram everything you love into your last day. Any idea when?

 

[BeyondtheVeil]

My heart goes out to you. Life can be a real roller coaster ride. I truly hope you find peace whether you decide to stay or go. I mean that's what we all truly want isn't it. I'd venture to say most of us don't actually want to die, as much as we want to find peace, and I hope you're able to find yours whatever decision you make.

 

[TylerNY]

My heart goes out to you. Life can be a real roller coaster ride. I truly hope you find peace whether you decide to stay or go. I mean that's what we all truly want isn't it. I'd venture to say most of us don't actually want to die, as much as we want to find peace, and I hope you're able to find yours whatever decision you make.

At this point,

My options are limited. I'm facing being homeless again in a few weeks with no money and a at least months before I get another job...just to fail again. And disappoint my kids, etc.

I want to stop being a burden to the woman I love, my kids and myself. I'd rather sleep and dream than live in reality.

 

[Asdr5633]

The state of civil courts in the US is absolutely scandalous. Every single day, fathers have their children kidnapped from them because judges simply believe women who are telling lies and stretching the truth in order to achieve their ends. This often happens even when an investigation of the woman concludes that her claims are false or unsupported (like you mention in your case).

If a woman you have been with wants to kidnap your child from you, all she has to do is sit in front of a judge and make claims like "he looked at me in a way that seemed aggressive and it made me feel very uncomfortable". Then the judge will conclude that you are "unfit to raise your child" based on these nonsense accusations and force you to keep paying child support whilst you can't see your own kids. Such is the legacy of things like the "Me Too" and "Believe women" movements. I am so sorry that you have had to go through this, but know that you are certainly not the only one (I have seen countless other similar cases). Good luck with all your plans and I hope you find the info/comfort you need here.

 

[TylerNY]

You seem to have it planned. If you go through with it, I suggest you cram everything you love into your last day. Any idea when?

Possibly on my birthday to make a statement. I've "cried wolf" before to my friends, mom and loved one. It only ended up on police being called...then having to pay the ambulance bill, etc. The wolf is here and the people who can help with guns look away as I'm backed into the corner.

 

[brighter]

Possibly on my birthday to make a statement. I've "cried wolf" before to my friends, mom and loved one. It only ended up on police being called...then having to pay the ambulance bill, etc. The wolf is here and the people who can help with guns look away as I'm backed into the corner.

To be honest, you don't sound like an attention seeker to me, you've been through too much bullshit to try and hide it. Good luck with whatever you do x

 

[TylerNY]

To be honest, you don't sound like an attention seeker to me, you've been through too much bullshit to try and hide it. Good luck with whatever you do x

Thank you. First person to ever say I wasn't seeking attention.

 

[color_me_gone]

My name is Tyler

As I like to tell others, "Welcome to our playground."
We love new members, and there seems to be a lot lately.
You will not be judges here, because we all know how much life can suck.
Trying to stay employed these days is hard, they treat you like you're a bag of garbage.
Expendable if they figure you not earning big bucks.

My name is Jerry. My method is inert gas. I'm one of the old farts here 66.
I can't comment much about you method, cause I honestly don't know.
What we do try to encourage here is success, so you don't suffer.
We're also ok if you decide to give life another chance.
Anyway, it'll take a couple days and a few posts before you can start a conversation aka PM anyone.
Anytime you want, you can PM me (after you are able).
We listen to each other, and share our experiences. That is often helpful, relieves stress.
Better that paying a shrink, cause we can relate.
Good luck to you in whatever you do. Jerry

 

[brighter]

Thank you. First person to ever say I wasn't seeking attention.

And I hope I'm not the only. You need more love from what I can tell. Big up color_me_gone for his comment, he's right. SS isn't somewhere you'll get judged.

 

[TylerNY]

I agree. Everyone who has ventured to these forums know what it's like. A therapist/psychiatrist..please. They go home to their happy lives. A place to sleep, be loved, go out to dinner, etc. You basically pay them to criticize you.

 

[color_me_gone]

pay them to criticize you

or they look at you like you don't know wtf you're talking about

 

[TylerNY]

or they look at you like you don't know wtf you're talking about

The same as if their mechanic was talking about how their transmission works.

 

[Sickman75]

Good afternoon everyone,

My name is Tyler and I have lurked these forums for quite some time and have finally made an account. I've been steadily heading towards a peaceful end.

To keep a long story short, here is mine.

I was raised by a single mom due to my father being a Navy SEAL and always messing around with other women. I don't have any father issues but my future reflected on it.

I'll be 30 on February 28th, if I make it. But at age 17, I dropped out of highschool to get my GED so I could join the military as soon as possible. After boot camp for the U.S. Army, I went to a party...got very drunk and ended up getting a girl pregnant. I was unable to serve as single parent so it was either, marry her or give up custody. I could not do either so I was discharged on that condition. I was trapped, had two more with her. She ended up crazy and tried to kill us by setting fire to the apartment.

I got my kids out to my mom's. Her parents filed for custody and won due to I didn't have a stable job because she would call my managers stating I sexually harassed her under a false name. Also, she stated that I sexually abused my daughter. I would never and the investigation showed I didn't. But because of that, the judge still didn't trust me to be alone with them.

I meet a woman who is the world to me, I love her incredibly so. We've been together for 4 years and we got engaged. But in the long run, she misses her ex. I was a rebound. I lost my job in March of 2018 and she kicked me out. I lived out of my car for 6 months until I got another amazing job and she took me back. Well...I lost that job last week.

And now I have no 401k, car insurance will be due, child support which will land me in jail if I do not pay, I do not qualify for unemployment this time...

I feel like it's now the time to find my peace. Not give up...but allow who I love to be happy without depending on me and making them miserable as I stay. Kind of like Jackson Maine in that A Star is Born movie.

I'm tired of being tired. I just hope I get to see the Avengers End Game before I do!

Wow! I was born on the 27th paiying child support for 21 years I too was blamed for sexually assault
My daughter who I never met. I paid 5k and lawyered up it's been 5 months I haven't heard anything yet. That's why I'm here. I won't do prison. I won't give my family a bad name ruin my wife's career and wreck my other daughter who lives with me right now. I can't do that to them. But I know how the state can get. If they want your balls they will get them with on a silver platter. Not me, I'm done. I go off to the next life.
Anyways. I'm really glad you are here. Thank you for making an account. I feel like I can relate to you. Thanks for that.

 

[TylerNY]

Wow! I was born on the 27th paiying child support for 21 years I too was blamed for sexually assault
My daughter who I never met. I paid 5k and lawyered up it's been 5 months I haven't heard anything yet. That's why I'm here. I won't do prison. I won't give my family a bad name ruin my wife's career and wreck my other daughter who lives with me right now. I can't do that to them. But I know how the state can get. If they want your balls they will get them with on a silver platter. Not me, I'm done. I go off to the next life.
Anyways. I'm really glad you are here. Thank you for making an account. I feel like I can relate to you. Thanks for that.

Good to meet you, man. It's been hard for both of us. There's no pain like losing your true loves, your kids.

 

[Sickman75]

Ya. It all gets flushed in the end so they say.
I really don't want to and hopefully I don't.
But if I do, I have to be ready.
Yeah the sun rises and ends with my daughter
It would be very traumatic for her

 

[BeyondtheVeil]

I hear ya! That sounds like a really tough situation to be in. I won't patronize you with the usual tropes, as choosing ones own exit point is a deeply personal decision. I will say in my own experience things can drastically improve. For me, my turning point was implementing a daily meditation/yoga practice and getting super physically active. I noticed that really helped still my mind and calm my worries tremendously, which helped me discover solutions to things that seemed insurmountable at one time. I still think about ctb from time to time and likely always will, but had I not incorporated those lifestyles changes I would've likely been a goner long ago. I definitely don't want to belittle your hardships whatsoever, but all that to say, sometimes a simple shift in perspective can change the course an outlook on ones life. But again, only you can decide what is truly right for you. I'm wishing you the best either way. Much love!

At this point,

My options are limited. I'm facing being homeless again in a few weeks with no money and a at least months before I get another job...just to fail again. And disappoint my kids, etc.

I want to stop being a burden to the woman I love, my kids and myself. I'd rather sleep and dream than live in reality.

 

[Lara Francis]

Good afternoon everyone,

My name is Tyler and I have lurked these forums for quite some time and have finally made an account. I've been steadily heading towards a peaceful end.

To keep a long story short, here is mine.

I was raised by a single mom due to my father being a Navy SEAL and always messing around with other women. I don't have any father issues but my future reflected on it.

I'll be 30 on February 28th, if I make it. But at age 17, I dropped out of highschool to get my GED so I could join the military as soon as possible. After boot camp for the U.S. Army, I went to a party...got very drunk and ended up getting a girl pregnant. I was unable to serve as single parent so it was either, marry her or give up custody. I could not do either so I was discharged on that condition. I was trapped, had two more with her. She ended up crazy and tried to kill us by setting fire to the apartment.

I got my kids out to my mom's. Her parents filed for custody and won due to I didn't have a stable job because she would call my managers stating I sexually harassed her under a false name. Also, she stated that I sexually abused my daughter. I would never and the investigation showed I didn't. But because of that, the judge still didn't trust me to be alone with them.

I meet a woman who is the world to me, I love her incredibly so. We've been together for 4 years and we got engaged. But in the long run, she misses her ex. I was a rebound. I lost my job in March of 2018 and she kicked me out. I lived out of my car for 6 months until I got another amazing job and she took me back. Well...I lost that job last week.

And now I have no 401k, car insurance will be due, child support which will land me in jail if I do not pay, I do not qualify for unemployment this time...

I feel like it's now the time to find my peace. Not give up...but allow who I love to be happy without depending on me and making them miserable as I stay. Kind of like Jackson Maine in that A Star is Born movie.

I'm tired of being tired. I just hope I get to see the Avengers End Game before I do!

Wishing you a warm welcome Tyler.

 

[color_me_gone]

TylerNY,
I like your profile pic, thanks!

 

[color_me_gone]

For me, my turning point was implementing a daily meditation/yoga practice and getting super physically active. I noticed that really helped still my mind and calm my worries tremendously, which helped me discover solutions to things that seemed insurmountable at one time. I still think about ctb from time to time and likely always will, but had I not incorporated those lifestyles changes I would've likely been a goner long ago.

YES, ME TOO!
I have been handing out the meditation advice here.
I'm so glad to see someone else able to connect to that.

 

[BeyondtheVeil]

YES, ME TOO!
I have been handing out the meditation advice here.
I'm so glad to see someone else able to connect to that.

That's awesome! Yea, meditation has been a lifesaver for me in a lot of ways. Many people don't realize just how beneficial incorporating a daily practice can be. I share my own experience with all that are open to it. I always tell people it's not some magic pill or anything, but practicing daily can really shift ones life and mindset in some pretty substantial ways. At the very least it's certainly made life on this rock much more bearable!

 

[leaps]

Sorry life sucks @TylerNY Welcome