Venting Hello and thank you

[Jengator]

hi. I don't have anyone else to talk to regarding this without getting locked up and making my life more torturous than it already is. I really don't want to die. I had a great life with 2 boys who are 14 and 10. I have been sick and bedridden for a year and since I'm divorced and can't take care of them I don't see them much. I have extreme mercury poisoining that came about from taking a drug called Cipro which shut down my digestive system. I eat a few apples a day and can't go to the bathroom or walk much. Doctors haven't been able to help me. I would encourage anyone who doesn't know why they feel the way they do to look into mercury poisoning and get into an infrared sauna and try to live as clean a lifestyle as possible with plenty of sunlight and healthy food. I wish this was available to me but it isn't. My liver and my digestive system is shutting down and the toxins are all over my body now.
I am so scared also because I don't have the courage to do this and I really don't want to. But if it starts looking like I'm going to choke to death on what I can't digest I'd prefer a peaceful way.
I was raised Catholic and if there is a God, I don't want to be sent to hell. I really wish and want to go to a good place in the afterlife and see my kids again.
The thing that kills me the most is knowing my boys will not grow up with their dad. It's breaking my heart. We were very close and I love them very much. Thank you for listening.
-Charlie

 

[Maravillosa]

I am sorry to hear that, Charlie. I am a practicing Catholic myself and am often apprehensive about damning myself to Hell if and when I ctb.(Though I hope that God would be merciful to me.) Saying a prayer for you now, that you do not choke to death and that God takes you straight to Heaven, even if you ctb. May God be gentle to you, in this world and in the next

 

[Astral316]

Hell is more an invention of the Church than anything described in the Bible... take a look:

 

[Jengator]

I am sorry to hear that, Charlie. I am a practicing Catholic myself and am often apprehensive about damning myself to Hell if and when I ctb.(Though I hope that God would be merciful to me.) Saying a prayer for you now, that you do not choke to death and that God takes you straight to Heaven, even if you ctb. May God be gentle to you, in this world and in the next

Thank you. I hope I can peacefully go in my sleep and go to heaven. I hope to see you there one day too!

 

[Bulletwbttrflywings]

@Jengator ... hugs my dear friend.

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I'm not here to judge, none of us are. I'm here to listen, like everyone here

but.... hugs. I feel your pain and suffering through your post and I just want to say, you're not alone my dear.

hugs.

sometimes there's no words... just... hugs and love.

 

[Blackjack]

I'm also dying & sadly leaving my 2 boys. I'm here for a little while longer if you need to chat.

 

[Jengator]

@Jengator ... hugs my dear friend.

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I'm not here to judge, none of us are. I'm here to listen, like everyone here

but.... hugs. I feel your pain and suffering through your post and I just want to say, you're not alone my dear.

hugs.

sometimes there's no words... just... hugs and love.

Thank you. I keep beating myself up for my mistakes. For the things I've done to hurt them and what got me here.

I'm also dying & sadly leaving my 2 boys. I'm here for a little while longer if you need to chat.

I am so sorry. This is so hard.

 

[Blackjack]

Hell is more an invention of the Church than anything described in the Bible... take a look:

Yes hell is what we're all living in now.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I feel for you Charlie. I'm slowly dying too. I think there's a few of us on here atm that are. Wish I could help. All I can do is offer my sympathy.

 

[Not_Quite_Dead_Yet]

. I have extreme mercury poisoining that came about from taking a drug called Cipro which shut down my digestive system.
-Charlie

Really sorry to hear about all the stress you must be feeling and having no one to talk to makes things even harder. Are the docs certain the mercury poisoning came from Cipro? That is a widely prescribed antibiotic which I have taken a number of times over the years. It is worrisome that mercury poisoning could be a possible but never mentioned side effect. I do hope things somehow improve for you, at least enough so that you do not have to make any final decisions. Wishing you the best....

 

[Blackjack]

I feel for you Charlie. I'm slowly dying too. I think there's a few of us on here atm that are. Wish I could help. All I can do is offer my sympathy.

Can I ask how you're dying? I am too. There's not many of us here that I've found.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Can I ask how you're dying? I am too. There's not many of us here that I've found.

My bowel has practically ceased functioning. The docs can't find anything wrong so don't help. I'm eating very little and veeeery gradually starving. Cus if i eat it causes huge pain as i cant void it. Also can't stop peeing and I have bladder stones.

Personally, I suspect I have a problem digesting carbs and I'm surviving by laying down glycogen then burning it off. Unfortunately such a thing does not fit into any doctors care pathway.

So I don't have a diagnosis other than its all in my mind. And I spent a year working on that hypothesis with the psych team only to get much worse.

 

[Rachel74]

When you read threads like this I want to scream for you. These are the very reasons why you should have the right to die and die in dignity.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

When you read threads like this I want to scream for you. These are the very reasons why you should have the right to die and die in dignity.

Yeah. If nature and blind chance is going to feck you over so comprehensively, then you can't be blamed for wanting to fight back by moving the goalposts yourself ie. Ctb.

 

[Blackjack]

My bowel has practically ceased functioning. The docs can't find anything wrong so don't help. I'm eating very little and veeeery gradually starving. Cus if i eat it causes huge pain as i cant void it. Also can't stop peeing and I have bladder stones.

Personally, I suspect I have a problem digesting carbs and I'm surviving by laying down glycogen then burning it off. Unfortunately such a thing does not fit into any doctors care pathway.

So I don't have a diagnosis other than its all in my mind. And I spent a year working on that hypothesis with the psych team only to get much worse.

Jesus that sounds awful. I'm sorry. How old are your kids?

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Jesus that sounds awful. I'm sorry. How old are your kids?

Yeah. Awful. Worse by the day. Thanks for the thought. Can't be long left before something ruptures. Pain is now almost intolerable. I feel the need to ctb but I'm too afraid. Fate has been dumping on me so hard I just know I'd fail and we all know how bad that can get.

Sorry, I don't have kids, you must have misread.

 

[Jengator]

My bowel has practically ceased functioning. The docs can't find anything wrong so don't help. I'm eating very little and veeeery gradually starving. Cus if i eat it causes huge pain as i cant void it. Also can't stop peeing and I have bladder stones.

Personally, I suspect I have a problem digesting carbs and I'm surviving by laying down glycogen then burning it off. Unfortunately such a thing does not fit into any doctors care pathway.

So I don't have a diagnosis other than its all in my mind. And I spent a year working on that hypothesis with the psych team only to get much worse.

Sounds similar to me. I'm so sorry.

Yeah. Awful. Worse by the day. Thanks for the thought. Can't be long left before something ruptures. Pain is now almost intolerable. I feel the need to ctb but I'm too afraid. Fate has been dumping on me so hard I just know I'd fail and we all know how bad that can get.

Sorry, I don't have kids, you must have misread.

I'm sorry. I'm getting worse too. People either think it's in my head or that I haven't gone to thevrught doctors. They don't understand and just make me feel guilty. It's horrible.

 

[Jengator]

Can I ask how you're dying? I am too. There's not many of us here that I've found.

Was thinking about you today. I hope you are comfortable. -Charlie

Sounds similar to me. I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm getting worse too. People either think it's in my head or that I haven't gone to thevrught doctors. They don't understand and just make me feel guilty. It's horrible.

Sounds similar to me. I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm getting worse too. People either think it's in my head or that I haven't gone to thevrught doctors. They don't understand and just make me feel guilty. It's horrible.

Yeah. Awful. Worse by the day. Thanks for the thought. Can't be long left before something ruptures. Pain is now almost intolerable. I feel the need to ctb but I'm too afraid. Fate has been dumping on me so hard I just know I'd fail and we all know how bad that can get.

Sorry, I don't have kids, you must have misread.

I hope you are comfortable. Was thinking about too. -Charlie

Was thinking about you today. I hope you are comfortable. -Charlie

I hope you are comfortable. Was thinking about you. -Charlie

 

[morningdew]

Cipro changed my life 4 years ago. I understand what you are feeling. Cipro takes it toll on all levels. I went from 195 athletic/toned to about 145. just Skin and bones. looked and felt like death. After 3 years I was able to put on weight. I know it sounds like a long time but it may be much sooner for you. I used to read all the recovery stories on floxie hope. It helps to know there is hope of getting through it.

 

[Jengator]

I think I was recovering but then I picked up Lyme disease, heavy metal poisoning and other infections. It's been downhill since.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I've always hated how the gp writes me a script without even asking me if I want to take the drug, what it does and what the side effects are.
I have a cabinet full of drugs I won't use.

 

[Jengator]

Doctors are lazy and have harmed a lot of people with their drugs. Many in this forum. Many don't even realize it was a drug or vaccine that made us this way.

 

[*KNAZ*]

My bowel has practically ceased functioning. The docs can't find anything wrong so don't help. I'm eating very little and veeeery gradually starving. Cus if i eat it causes huge pain as i cant void it. Also can't stop peeing and I have bladder stones.

Personally, I suspect I have a problem digesting carbs and I'm surviving by laying down glycogen then burning it off. Unfortunately such a thing does not fit into any doctors care pathway.

So I don't have a diagnosis other than its all in my mind. And I spent a year working on that hypothesis with the psych team only to get much worse.

Have you discussed toxic mega colon with your doc? Sometimes antibiotics especially cipro can cause an infection in your gut called C diff. It's a bacteria that can overgrow after the antibiotic reduces the good bacteria in your gut. The C diff bacteria produces a toxin that causes bad diarrhea and cramps. Chronic untreated infection can lead to toxic mega colon that may require surgery to remove parts of your colon that are damaged and unable to heal. It's not the same as mercury poisoning for which they would admit you to a hospital and treat using chelation therapy. Western docs can suck in that they don't take a holistic approach. Maybe a naturopathic physician could be of better help?

 

[Jengator]

I'm working with a naturapath and a functional medicine doctor. I'm also trying to get help from a stem cell doctor that can use immune building iv's and stem cells. It's very hard because I live with my dad and he isn't on board with any of this stuff. In fact when I got sick he pressured me to put my house in his name to keep it from going to my kids. Now I'm being treated like crap and fighting my health while living with someone who at the least isnt helping me get the right care and at the worst wants me to die. I'm too weak to fight so many battles.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Have you discussed toxic mega colon with your doc? Sometimes antibiotics especially cipro can cause an infection in your gut called C diff. It's a bacteria that can overgrow after the antibiotic reduces the good bacteria in your gut. The C diff bacteria produces a toxin that causes bad diarrhea and cramps. Chronic untreated infection can lead to toxic mega colon that may require surgery to remove parts of your colon that are damaged and unable to heal. It's not the same as mercury poisoning for which they would admit you to a hospital and treat using chelation therapy. Western docs can suck in that they don't take a holistic approach. Maybe a naturopathic physician could be of better help?

Thanks for the suggestion.
I can't discus anything with my doc as I can't get to see him. I've had on call gps out but they don't listen or are generally stupid. I've spent 3 years of scans and probes and tests and I know what's wrong. The muscles of my rectum no longer work due to historic alcohol abuse. This has caused impaction and blockage. I don't need diagnosis from them I need surgery but they will not listen.

I'm working with a naturapath and a functional medicine doctor. I'm also trying to get help from a stem cell doctor that can use immune building iv's and stem cells. It's very hard because I live with my dad and he isn't on board with any of this stuff. In fact when I got sick he pressured me to put my house in his name to keep it from going to my kids. Now I'm being treated like crap and fighting my health while living with someone who at the least isnt helping me get the right care and at the worst wants me to die. I'm too weak to fight so many battles.

Op sorry to hijack your thread. I feel the same. I'm now too weak to fight so many battles and start again trying to get doctors to listen. Oh what I'd give for a doc that listened and treated me as a person not an annoyance. What pisses me off is that I'm not without intelligence and was the sort of person that could play the system to make things happen. But now I'm just too exhausted.

 

[lymestolemylife]

Doctors are lazy and have harmed a lot of people with their drugs. Many in this forum. Many don't even realize it was a drug or vaccine that made us this way.

Vaccines ruined my life, that and Lyme Disease.

 

[Despo41]

Sorry to hear this Charlie. I totally understand and feel for you. I was harmed by medication and have two children.
Just feel so cheated out of life when it has been destroyed by something a doctor gave out.

 

[ssaaahmo]

I hope you can find peace. Being in so much pain is the absolute worst and it breaks my heart that doctors haven't been able to help. I'll be here for you if you need to have someone listen to you.

 

[Jengator]

I hope you can find peace. Being in so much pain is the absolute worst and it breaks my heart that doctors haven't been able to help. I'll be here for you if you need to have someone listen to you.

Thank you

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Thank you

Wow Charlie, you are still around? How's it going?