StyxFerryStowaway
Member
- Sep 9, 2023
- 9
I joined a little while ago, but mostly just lurked so I'm sure most everyone seeing this will be seeing me here for the first time.
It's time for me to go, I think. I'd say I tried everything, but that's a lie. For almost a decade I watched my life, and health get worse. Youth and opportunities wasted as I scarcely lifted a finger to help myself. I couldn't, and can't bring myself to, not because I feel I don't deserve happiness, (if such a thing is feasible for me) but rather that I simply don't care to be alive. Now, though, I think I've had enough. No singular event or change in the downward slope of my life. It's as if a scale's tipped in my mind. Hope that things get better and not wanting to hurt the ones I love no longer seem strong enough to keep me here. I may not go through with it, and you may hear from me if I don't. However, this is most likely goodbye.
It's 4AM where I am now as I type this. In about 4 hours, I'll have my home to myself. I plan to log off then, take a short walk and find somewhere to shoot myself. I don't want to make a mess for my family to clean up, but at this rate I'm beyond caring any more than that. I'm scared. More that I could fail. Or that I'm wrong about death and there's more, possibly worse existence waiting for me. But either I'll be gone, or I won't and maybe it'll motivate me to help myself. Hope everyone else can find their peace, even if it's in non existence.
(I'll probably be reseting my computer, so it'll probably take a while to recover my passwords and such to give the all clear if I don't go through with it. So stay tuned I guess.)
It's time for me to go, I think. I'd say I tried everything, but that's a lie. For almost a decade I watched my life, and health get worse. Youth and opportunities wasted as I scarcely lifted a finger to help myself. I couldn't, and can't bring myself to, not because I feel I don't deserve happiness, (if such a thing is feasible for me) but rather that I simply don't care to be alive. Now, though, I think I've had enough. No singular event or change in the downward slope of my life. It's as if a scale's tipped in my mind. Hope that things get better and not wanting to hurt the ones I love no longer seem strong enough to keep me here. I may not go through with it, and you may hear from me if I don't. However, this is most likely goodbye.
It's 4AM where I am now as I type this. In about 4 hours, I'll have my home to myself. I plan to log off then, take a short walk and find somewhere to shoot myself. I don't want to make a mess for my family to clean up, but at this rate I'm beyond caring any more than that. I'm scared. More that I could fail. Or that I'm wrong about death and there's more, possibly worse existence waiting for me. But either I'll be gone, or I won't and maybe it'll motivate me to help myself. Hope everyone else can find their peace, even if it's in non existence.
(I'll probably be reseting my computer, so it'll probably take a while to recover my passwords and such to give the all clear if I don't go through with it. So stay tuned I guess.)
