Venting heartbreak, loneliness & no friends..

[corpsenotfound]

ugh I hate this feeling I don't know how or why I should keep going it all feels too much and I keep overcomplicating everything it feels like I don't know myself or what I want anymore it's so hard to bring myself to do anything my boss was understanding of me missing work at least but still I've missed out nearly 2 weeks of studies now and I can't escape these thoughts and feelings in my mind and body.. I just don't wanna be here anymore it all feels so hard and like I don't fucking know anything anymore I wish my head and mind wasn't so messed up and I could just think straight again and the extra stress from my parents on top of everything else isn't helping. it's like one second I'm fine and know what I'm doing and the next I lose all hope again and give up trying. I just wanna start over again and not complicate things everything in my life is so messed idk where to begin.
deep down it feel likes like there's no point and I should just quit but I don't wanna and no one understands the trauma and heartbreak I've been through and my past demons keep catching up to me ik I sounds stupid but I just can't stay in the present I feel so detached and dissociated from reality. not a day goes my I miss my ex or think of her and it's been over a year...
just wish I could go to sleep and never wake up maybe I'll see her in the afterlife whatever's real anymore idk it feels like a nightmare and time moves too quickly ugh I hate this same daily routine I just wanna stay in bed and not get up again I can't bring myself to eat or sleep cause I just feel sick cry and throw it back up
just nothing feels fun anymore like it used to.
everything in life feels to hard and having to do everything by myself is just too overwhelming, i dont expect anyone to do anything for me just wish i wasn't so alone and had someone to talk to again at least. I feel so weak and drained especially all the meds im on, the doctors and my psych pretty much turned me into their guinea pig. the meds i take make me feel sick, throw up, tired, dizzy, have cold sweat, and no appetite. but i need to take them because ive been declining my health and hygiene and it could lead to serious complication if i dont.
I just wish someone would understand and sympathize for once:( sadly the world isnt like that but still. i just wanna feel loved again and like im worth something.. but mostly having a friend to talk to cause i just cant keep going like this anymore, it's too much. apart of me wants to get better and keep going but i just don't know how or where to begin nothing helps. loneliness truly is the worst feeling, i mean i understand some people like being alone but there's a difference between that and being lonely and having noone.. I didn't choose or want this, yes maybe some of my actions lead to these consequences but still, ill always blame myself and forgiving myself is extremely hard, but not when it comes to others for some reason.

 

[kunikuzushi]

Loneliness is definitely the worst feeling. It really is miserable going through life doing everything alone. I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. I'm here if you ever want to chat.

 

[Inthewind]

Thats understandable how things have been going since you have gone through so much, Everyone need a friend, I bet youll find one to share your thoughts and experiences with, i too am overwhelmed so I havent been able to reply to people I know lately but I enjoy going on here once a day at least, betteen doin chores and hw. Sometimes things come back even when we dont want them to because they affected us so badly and we havent healed, sometimes i get flash backs aswell and visualize things too well. But after about a year or twoo it getting better. I havent done anything, every now and then it feels bad an i dunno how properly heal every one just says time, and to forgive yourself but like they dont exactly explain how or step by step, like i tell my self to forgive and that it ok but i dunno if that really working. I have stopped thinking of it as often and it slowly disappearing in my mind, or will appear less often so I guess time so far has been the most effective. i never went to therpy or anything, those dont work for me hate them too much yknow? maybe? Anyway recovering is just tough, progress is mainly downhill most days but yknow at least theres some progress in general for people..

 

[corpsenotfound]

Loneliness is definitely the worst feeling. It really is miserable going through life doing everything alone. I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. I'm here if you ever want to chat.

thank you! i appreciate it, same for you if you ever need someone to talk to :)

Thats understandable how things have been going since you have gone through so much, Everyone need a friend, I bet youll find one to share your thoughts and experiences with, i too am overwhelmed so I havent been able to reply to people I know lately but I enjoy going on here once a day at least, betteen doin chores and hw. Sometimes things come back even when we dont want them to because they affected us so badly and we havent healed, sometimes i get flash backs aswell and visualize things too well. But after about a year or twoo it getting better. I havent done anything, every now and then it feels bad an i dunno how properly heal every one just says time, and to forgive yourself but like they dont exactly explain how or step by step, like i tell my self to forgive and that it ok but i dunno if that really working. I have stopped thinking of it as often and it slowly disappearing in my mind, or will appear less often so I guess time so far has been the most effective. i never went to therpy or anything, those dont work for me hate them too much yknow? maybe? Anyway recovering is just tough, progress is mainly downhill most days but yknow at least theres some progress in general for people..

yea that's true:( hopefully i will find a irl friend one day, still working on myself and my health. I can relate on being overwhelmed, i too sometimes don't respond to ppl, not that i don't want to talk or not interested. It's just that I've had so much on my plate lately im mostly too tired end of the day to have energy to socialize and just need time to myself to rest and recover yk? Especially with studies it's kept me occupied so much of the time it isn't even funny. I do get miserable at times but i just try and push through it and take breaks when i need.
Thats's good though that you stopped thinking of it so much and it's getting better hopefully.
Yea i still go to therapy and it helps abit i guess, at least the social part and talking because i do very little of it.
but yea some progress is better than non

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be tiring what you are going through, I get that loneliness is painful for so many, to me it's cruel how people have to suffer so much in this existence. But anyway best wishes.

 

[corpsenotfound]

Yea it really is exhausting but im still here:/ the world really is such a cruel place no lying about that,
but thanks best wishes for you too!