Venting He Reached Out to Me, And I Wanna Die All Over Again

[CuerpoMuerto]

There was this guy I fell absolutely in love with. I was completely obsessed over him, he was one of the first people who ever really got me. He got me out of a physically abusive relationship with my ex, and generally just became my safe haven from the chaos of my home life. We broke up when he moved away in Feburary after his military contract expired, and went no contact with me. Deleted his socials, assumedly blocked my number, just suddenly nothing from him. I genuinely thought he died until I saw he made a new snapchat. I haven't heard from him in half a year. He messaged me an apology a couple days ago. I spent my entire summer trying to pick myself up again, and I was finally able to let go. I was so obsessive on it. I spent every waking moment waiting for him to message, or thinking about him. I feel like I am back at square one. He messaged me an apology, said he took more drugs, said we'd call, then never reached back out. I can't stop thinking about him to a point where I am considering abandoning previous CTB plans in lue of something more impulsive and dramatic. I won't, I think, but it is very hard not to when SN is becoming increasingly hard to find and I am mourning someone all over again.

I hate living with borderline/bipolar. He just needed his apology so bad. I worked so hard to stop obsessing over people, I was finally doing okay, on the right meds - and then he shows up and reopens that wound all over again. I hate that this is what makes me want to CTB, and not the variety of more serious reasons I have to CTB.

 

[mushroommamma]

Girl I feel you. I'm always back and forth with meds. It's like, oh here it is working and then a few months later and now it's not. I legit just gave up on them and have been secretly taking them (to hide them) from my boyfriend since he manages them. It's so dumb. Now I'm trying to decide if option a is going to be the route again or something different and more…secure? Either way, I'm not digging the emotional bs from certain people and events always coming in when they want only to destroy me all over again.

 

[claraisnotcarol]

why do damn men do this to us all over again

 

[F&Inside]

Hello CuerpoMuerto.
I am sorry that you have suffered from these experiences and from the childish behavior of these men towards you.
That kind of behavior is very immature.

Well, not all men are like that fortunately, out there there are real gentlemen, mature, sincere and good people.
And they will treat you very well. Do not be discouraged because of a few brats please.

Good luck.

 

[cosifantutti]

There was this guy I fell absolutely in love with. I was completely obsessed over him, he was one of the first people who ever really got me. He got me out of a physically abusive relationship with my ex, and generally just became my safe haven from the chaos of my home life. We broke up when he moved away in Feburary after his military contract expired, and went no contact with me. Deleted his socials, assumedly blocked my number, just suddenly nothing from him. I genuinely thought he died until I saw he made a new snapchat. I haven't heard from him in half a year. He messaged me an apology a couple days ago. I spent my entire summer trying to pick myself up again, and I was finally able to let go. I was so obsessive on it. I spent every waking moment waiting for him to message, or thinking about him. I feel like I am back at square one. He messaged me an apology, said he took more drugs, said we'd call, then never reached back out. I can't stop thinking about him to a point where I am considering abandoning previous CTB plans in lue of something more impulsive and dramatic. I won't, I think, but it is very hard not to when SN is becoming increasingly hard to find and I am mourning someone all over again.

I hate living with borderline/bipolar. He just needed his apology so bad. I worked so hard to stop obsessing over people, I was finally doing okay, on the right meds - and then he shows up and reopens that wound all over again. I hate that this is what makes me want to CTB, and not the variety of more serious reasons I have to CTB.

Yes, his apology makes him feel good but it's buggered things up for you.

 

[colorlesshue]

as someone who struggles with obession i'm so sorry, that really sucks. i hope you can move on from him, it's not your fault he was selfish.

 

[CuerpoMuerto]

as someone who struggles with obession i'm so sorry, that really sucks. i hope you can move on from him, it's not your fault he was selfish.

I struggle with this, too. Its my deepest anxiety. I hope I can, too.

Since then, he called me. We talked for three hours catching up. He told me he relapsed into meth and it "hurt too much" to talk to me. He is now messaging all the time talking how he used to. And suddenly, all that work for me to get over him is gone. I am so fucking weak lol

 

[Arcitect]

why do damn men do this to us all over again

Sorry, I feel like some of us just never forget the girls we dated. My only ever girlfriend broke up with me a couple months ago and I still think about her a lot. I know I won't forget her. But I already know I'm a passing thought to her. I think she got bored of me and dumped me so she could go fuck the next guy. I feel like girls just move on to the next in their DM's when they break up. No offense, but I never see single girls, they always have somebody.

I struggle with this, too. Its my deepest anxiety. I hope I can, too.

Since then, he called me. We talked for three hours catching up. He told me he relapsed into meth and it "hurt too much" to talk to me. He is now messaging all the time talking how he used to. And suddenly, all that work for me to get over him is gone. I am so fucking weak lol

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope it gets better for you. I can get pretty obsessive and clingy too so I understand.

 

[claraisnotcarol]

Sorry, I feel like some of us just never forget the girls we dated

sorry if this reply made you feel bad. I generalized because between bi/hetero woman we usually have a man that hurt us, but of course I understand your point.
of course, men and women are very different. you'll see us in a totally different way, and same for us.
in general, we are a lot more emotional, so, for guys who are more logical, may be hard to get us.
again, this is a generalized opinion about men and women. of course there's exceptions and I don't want to put by any means anyone in a box

 

[Arcitect]

sorry if this reply made you feel bad.

Its okay, you didn't hurt my feelings. Don't worry about it! I'm sorry to hear that a man hurt you, its never fun :(. I hope you can move on and recover from that trauma one day.