Aloken
I choose love
- Jan 25, 2021
- 280
I just can't be here anymore. I want to end this tiring, sad existence of mine. But I don't have a safe method..my building isn't tall enough (only 7 stories) to guarantee death and I don't know how to land on my head. I could sneak out and go to a 12 story building downtown, but I'm gonna have to have access there and in the roof. Also, I can't just go multiple times to get used to it until the time comes, since I live with my parents and never go out. Also, I'm terrified of heights and have acrophobia, so, great! It seems to be my only method, so I'm gonna have to do it on my first try. Also, I don't want to have my si screaming at me "what did you do???" while falling
I don't have sn and it's difficult to get it under my circumstances. It's possible, but very difficult.
I don't have a gun, since I don't live in the US
I don't know if I have the guts to stab myself in the carotid/femoral and I can't inject lidocaine or anything like it. As a method it seems comforting, however I'm afraid of knives. But it seems comforting to have something at hand. I am afraid of open wounds, but it seems like when they're mine I don't care. I was in the hospital 2 years ago and my wounds never disgusted me, rather intrigued me.
I could od in caffeine, in theory, but it's unreliable and supposedly not a very nice experience
I could od in water, but.. Yeah, unreliable
I could drown myself since I live very close to the sea/bay, but I can only do it at night and I'm terrified of the depths of the sea, especially at night. Also, imagining my body being shallowed by the sea terrifies me.
I could try partial hanging, but I have to get it the first time since I have rosacea and I don't plan to make it worse before I leave, I've had enough. I could try full hanging and go do it somewhere outside the house, but I'm afraid I'll be found. Hanging doesn't seem like a choice for me anyway.
I just want something full proof to have at hand and do it while being over emotional, kind of impulsively. I plan to go impulsively, but with a plan. I can't just pick a date.
This post doesn't really make sense, but I just wanted to vent. I can't anymore
I don't have sn and it's difficult to get it under my circumstances. It's possible, but very difficult.
I don't have a gun, since I don't live in the US
I don't know if I have the guts to stab myself in the carotid/femoral and I can't inject lidocaine or anything like it. As a method it seems comforting, however I'm afraid of knives. But it seems comforting to have something at hand. I am afraid of open wounds, but it seems like when they're mine I don't care. I was in the hospital 2 years ago and my wounds never disgusted me, rather intrigued me.
I could od in caffeine, in theory, but it's unreliable and supposedly not a very nice experience
I could od in water, but.. Yeah, unreliable
I could drown myself since I live very close to the sea/bay, but I can only do it at night and I'm terrified of the depths of the sea, especially at night. Also, imagining my body being shallowed by the sea terrifies me.
I could try partial hanging, but I have to get it the first time since I have rosacea and I don't plan to make it worse before I leave, I've had enough. I could try full hanging and go do it somewhere outside the house, but I'm afraid I'll be found. Hanging doesn't seem like a choice for me anyway.
I just want something full proof to have at hand and do it while being over emotional, kind of impulsively. I plan to go impulsively, but with a plan. I can't just pick a date.
This post doesn't really make sense, but I just wanted to vent. I can't anymore