Venting Having autism is so hard

[Malaria]

Here's reasons why being autistic is miserable for me:

- The sensory problems
- Always taking things so literally, difficulty understanding sarcasm
- Having a hard time understanding other people's intentions, inability to read red flags makes me end up getting involved with abusive toxic people
- Difficulty connecting and relating to others
- Executive disfunctions
- Anger rumination
- People always judging me over the way I stim
- Inability to understand "unspoken" social rules, which ends up with me either not being able to read the room, or saying things too bluntly and honestly, and hurting people's feelings when I don't mean to
- Uncontrollable meltdowns when physical/emotional stimuli gets too much
- Clumsiness/bumping into people because of poor coordination
- People getting upset at me because I "talk too loud"

And many, many more... I have a bunch of other disorders too, but my autism has really made me miserable. It's made me so stressed out, has made me feel so ostracized from this world, has made it difficult for me to understand other people and connect with them... Doesn't help that there can sometimes be a stigma around autism, and people with autism often get ridiculed and bullied.

All this and more has contributed quite a bit to my suicidal ideation. I hate it so much.

 

[sserafim]

I agree, Asperger's/autism is literally a curse. I hate everything about it. As for the sensory issues, I think mine have lessened with age but I remember they were really strong when I was young. I couldn't even handle clothes tags on my body, I had to take all of the tags off because they made me so uncomfortable. I remember my mom was reading books on sensory processing disorder to try to help me, we still have that book in my house lol. I even saw it recently, I think it was called "The Out of Sync Child". ASD is basically like living life on hard mode.

 

[DarkThoughts]

The social issues we face are incredibly demotivating. Bullying just doubles down on the self-esteem issues. I wish people could be genuinely patient with us, instead of communicating as if we're aliens visiting Earth for the first time. Even our own families can treat us like toddlers, and that's just a grain of sand in the vast ocean of autistic struggles.

 

[Final_Choice]

I completely agree, I'm nonverbal autistic (I've improved a bit since childhood but not completely) and it's so hard to do anything and everything. I try to blend in and act like I'm not but it's pretty difficult to do so.

 

[lament.]

I agree, Asperger's/autism is literally a curse. I hate everything about it. As for the sensory issues, I think mine have lessened with age but I remember they were really strong when I was young. I couldn't even handle clothes tags on my body, I had to take all of the tags off because they made me so uncomfortable. I remember my mom was reading books on sensory processing disorder to try to help me, we still have that book in my house lol. I even saw it recently, I think it was called "The Out of Sync Child". ASD is basically like living life on hard mode.

The thing about the tags is so true, every tag I got had to be ripped off, I couldn't even cut them because if I did then it would leave that small sharp line. I love trying on clothes and having to literally rip them off my skin because my whole body feels like its on fire definitley my favourite autistic trait.

 

[DarkThoughts]

I'm gonna list some (maybe obscure) triggers and see which ones are relatable.

1) The sound of my own chewing.
2) Any kind of debris on my hands (pet fur, oil/grease etc).
3) Not being allowed to have my hood up.
4) CLOTHES TAGS!
5) Yawning (I don't know why).
6) Sitting on chairs/seats which aren't my own.
7) Mushy food.
8) Foods being placed where they "contaminate" each other (tomato juice leaking onto a piece of meat)
9) Nope, I think that's it.
10) ACTUALLY ONE MORE: being asked how I'm feeling. I DON'T KNOW, YOU TELL ME!

 

[Malaria]

I'm gonna list some (maybe obscure) triggers and see which ones are relatable.

1) The sound of my own chewing.
2) Any kind of debris on my hands (pet fur, oil/grease etc).
3) Not being allowed to have my hood up.
4) CLOTHES TAGS!
5) Yawning (I don't know why).
6) Sitting on chairs/seats which aren't my own.
7) Mushy food.
8) Foods being placed where they "contaminate" each other (tomato juice leaking onto a piece of meat)
9) Nope, I think that's it.
10) ACTUALLY ONE MORE: being asked how I'm feeling. I DON'T KNOW, YOU TELL ME!

Oh man, the mushy food one is me so much, story of my life.

 

[DarkThoughts]

Oh man, the mushy food one is me so much, story of my life.

I can't even explain why it's so repugnant. It just makes me want to cry if I take a bite from a mushy apple or tomato.

 

[Malaria]

I can't even explain why it's so repugnant. It just makes me want to cry if I take a bite from a mushy apple or tomato.

Yes, same! It also makes me incredibly nauseous, I genuinely feel like I'm going to be sick.

I also feel the same way about black beans. I mean... I'm Hispanic, so black beans with rice is a common food for us, but I just can't take the stuff, I want to cry and I feel nauseous whenever I see, smell, or taste the stuff.

 

[DarkThoughts]

Yes, same! It also makes me incredibly nauseous, I genuinely feel like I'm going to be sick.

I also feel the same way about black beans. I mean... I'm Hispanic, so black beans with rice is a common food for us, but I just can't take the stuff, I want to cry and I feel nauseous whenever I see, smell, or taste the stuff.

The texture makes me want to crawl out of my body, I need to scoop them out immediately. I also wonder, how do you feel about spreads like Nutella? Do they provoke a similar reaction for you?

 

[sserafim]

Oh man, the mushy food one is me so much, story of my life.

Omg I hate mushy food. I never understood why people liked to put milk in cereal, it got so soggy and gross. If I had to eat cereal, I'd eat it dry

 

[Malaria]

The texture makes me want to crawl out of my body, I need to scoop them out immediately. I also wonder, how do you feel about spreads like Nutella? Do they provoke a similar reaction for you?

Nutella doesn't bother me for some reason, unless it gets really crusty, then I can't handle it.

 

[sserafim]

I can't even explain why it's so repugnant. It just makes me want to cry if I take a bite from a mushy apple or tomato.

Same, I hate it when crunchy foods (like apples) become mushy. I like juicy and soft peaches though, I don't like crunchy peaches for some reason…

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I hate autism.

 

[DarkThoughts]

Omg I hate mushy food. I never understood why people liked to put milk in cereal, it got so soggy and gross. If I had to eat cereal, I'd eat it dry

I can enjoy cereal if I eat it ASAP, but one fear of mine is having the last serving… the dust at the bottom could make anyone shudder.

 

[Malaria]

I can enjoy cereal if I eat it ASAP, but one fear of mine is having the last serving… the dust at the bottom could make anyone shudder.

OMG YES, I can't stand the dust at the bottom, it makes my skin crawl

 

[DarkThoughts]

I hate autism.

Professionals try to use the excuse of "oh this successful person is autistic, which means you can literally do anything!" and it bothers me to no end.

OMG YES, I can't stand the dust at the bottom, it makes my skin crawl

My parents help me a lot with daily things like food, so occasionally I'll receive a bowl full of Tutankhamen's remains disguised as cereal. But it's hard because I don't want to tell them 1000 things that bother me. I'm already high maintenance lol.

 

[lament.]

8) Foods being placed where they "contaminate" each other (tomato juice leaking onto a piece of meat)

Contaminating the food is such a good way to put it, it feels impossible to eat food that "shouldn't" be touching/mixed, but is. It's so dumb, I love soup - soup is just a mix of food... But those two same ingredients on a plate touching each other? I suddenly become unable to eat the parts that touched. It ruins meals out for me almost every-time.

The texture makes me want to crawl out of my body, I need to scoop them out immediately. I also wonder, how do you feel about spreads like Nutella? Do they provoke a similar reaction for you?

Ik this wasn't directed at me but wanted to chime in, I used to not even be able to eat cake with jam in it just because of the jam...

Same, I hate it when crunchy foods (like apples) become mushy. I like juicy and soft peaches though, I don't like crunchy peaches for some reason…

For apples and similar you know when they are bruised, are you able to eat that part? - because I'm not. It's like they are the slightest bit mushy on that part and I just can't eat it, if the texture isn't consistent it makes me gag. And yeah crunchy peaches are yuck...

 

[sserafim]

Professionals try to use the excuse of "oh this successful person is autistic, which means you can literally do anything!" and it bothers me to no end.

Literally, like we can't all be Elon Musk

 

[dragonofenvy]

Doesn't help that there can sometimes be a stigma around autism, and people with autism often get ridiculed and bullied.

I can generally pass as a normal person and have gotten through a lot of the common symptoms, that or they were never a problem in the first place since it is a spectrum disorder after all. But, people can tell eventually that something is off. And once you don't play by the same rules as everyone else, then you're out.

It's funny because throughout school I was always bullied for being weird, or a loner, or doing or liking things that everybody else thought strange. Yet, when something about helping the disabled or people who are different and people who are suffering was brought up, these same people were the first to say that more needs to be done and that they should always strive to be kind and help others. They want to present themselves as these great, kind people to make themselves feel better, while also getting laughs from tormenting the meek they talk about uplifting.

Man, if I wasn't born with Asperger's I think things would've been fine. Such a shame I dared commit the crime of being born different.

 

[FuneralCry]

I have it as well and in my case I certainly don't see myself as meant to exist in this cruel, dreadful world, for me having the ability to exist is a torturous burden. I'm sorry you've had to suffer so much, I really hate how suicide isn't accepted as a valid option despite this.

 

[DarkThoughts]

.....or Albert Einstein

Albert Einstein is almost always the focal point of that argument. Personally, I have a strong interest in theoretical physics, but I'm just waiting on the day I can CTB.

Unrelated to that statement, one thing I hate about autism is not knowing when I'm hungry or thirsty. I need to be told when to eat and drink because there's just no awareness whatsoever. I wish I could be independent but it's nearly impossible, mainly due to autistic traits.

 

[onbekend]

I fucking hate how cruel the world is, Not only is there nothing fun about it, But I just HAVE to have autism on top of it.
I swear I'm going insane. I feel a lot of what you're talking about and I'm sorry that this is happening to all of you, None of us should have to go through this.

 

[casual_existence]

I'll admit that I've become more hostile as a result of the teasing and bullying from what I suspect is autism.

Yeah nobody messed with me but also nobody wanted to be around me. I've mellowed out over time but I still struggle. Really makes me just wanna curl up and disappear. Some kind of twisted cocoon.

 

[Arachno]

It makes life so much harder. I'm bad at communicating, some tasks that regular healthy people are able to handle just fine I get anxious and stressed over, I'm often nervous before I talk to someone, people often get angry at me for not being able to communicate and most of the times, I have to repeat myself because they just never understand what I'm saying at first. I'm disorganized and inept. Even worse when you have ADHD and OCD. I don't really have sensory and sarscam understanding issues though.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I relate, I'm autistic too and I go through all of these issues too (albeit I'd say that my sensory issues have reduced over the years). I saw a thread on this forum a while back of somebody giving their opinion that autism is the worst disorder to have with the exception of schizophrenia. And I have to agree... autism is extremely difficult to deal with. I don't even understand how autistic people are still living on during adulthood. I'm about to be 19 and I can see that my life will most likely end early by default due to being unable to adapt to the world.

If it wasn't for autism, I don't think that I would be on this site wishing for death. Because of autism, I never connected with anybody irl once during my entire life and that magnitude of loneliness is so painful. It's even more painful when people don't understand as they haven't been this lonely (they tend to talk about the "feeling lonely around people" loneliness, not the "literally having nobody at all" loneliness". Mind you, I don't think that irl friendship is the be all end all in my life as I'd probably just get overwhelmed easily by it but, if I had friends during my childhood, it definitely would have made an impact during adulthood too

I honestly hope that people develop a cure for this awful disease soon. An actual cure. It's impossible now but, as knowledge expands, it could perhaps be possible in the future

Either way, I need to kill myself soon so that I don't continue to get burdened by autism. There's nothing in life that's for me. I don't even have any special interests or normal interests. I don't really like anything in existence

 

[sserafim]

It makes life so much harder. I'm bad at communicating, some tasks that regular healthy people are able to handle just fine I get anxious and stressed over, I'm often nervous before I talk to someone, people often get angry at me for not being able to communicate and most of the times, I have to repeat myself because they just never understand what I'm saying at first. I'm disorganized and inept. Even worse when you have ADHD and OCD. I don't really have sensory and sarscam understanding issues though.

Same, Asperger's/autism and ADHD is a whole other level of disorganization and executive dysfunction

I fucking hate how cruel the world is, Not only is there nothing fun about it, But I just HAVE to have autism on top of it.
I swear I'm going insane. I feel a lot of what you're talking about and I'm sorry that this is happening to all of you, None of us should have to go through this.

Literally, like why me? Why did *I* have to have it? Why not someone else? Ugh it's just so unfair. I guess I lost at the gacha game :(

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

I can't stand: bright lights (some workplaces or grocery stores have them) they give me instant migraine. Polyester on the skin. It's incredible uncomfortable for me, I can't wear any.
I often get motion sickness not sure if it related to autism but I can't drive because of it.
I also have poor spacial and face memory.

 

[Hotsackage]

Can relate, my mental illnesses make me feel like I have stage 5 alzeimhers

 

[Linda]

I agree, Asperger's/autism is literally a curse. I hate everything about it. As for the sensory issues, I think mine have lessened with age but I remember they were really strong when I was young. I couldn't even handle clothes tags on my body, I had to take all of the tags off because they made me so uncomfortable. I remember my mom was reading books on sensory processing disorder to try to help me, we still have that book in my house lol. I even saw it recently, I think it was called "The Out of Sync Child". ASD is basically like living life on hard mode.

Could you PM me, please.