Having a hard time being suicidal

[SomewhereAlongThe]

Since I got out of the hospital 10 months ago, I've been thinking about suicide. When I first got out I discovered the exit bag, and I thought "that's my dream way to die." I didn't think I could make it happen but behold, now, 10 months later, I've constructed the entire thing. I should be happy, right? Yet, I'm not, and I'm scrambling for a way not to be suicidal. The whole reason why I'm suicidal is because of the fact that I don't have any abilities/talents to get me through life. I have nothing going for me, nothing to occupy myself with. I feel useless and worthless. My friend has the living contrast version of my life, he has artistic talent and ability he uses. I'm Autistic so it always has been important for me to find something to specialize in and immerse myself in that while I stay in my room, but life has not given me much.

Now, I'm feeling down, just trying hard to accept my fate which is I'm better off dead. I don't actually want to recover, I've given up on that.
It's just that when you know the end is near, it's so hard to ease into it. I guess this is it, my time is coming soon.

 

[cali22♡]

Suicidal tendencies are usually related to depression and every fate can be different - life is just sad


Take care
</3

 

[CatLvr]

I agree with @cali22♡ Depression affects EVERYTHING about your life. While I respect your decision to ctb I would just ask, have you tried everything. I mean, the normies of the world may not care for SaSu but so many of us have actually moved past our constant suicidal ideation to trying to help others here find their purpose. Or try to figure out a way to help ease the pain we see others experiencing.

Again, I support any decision you make about your destiny. That, I believe, is one of those inalienable rights we should all have. But if you have any doubts, or anything you need to talk about, or want to try recovery before you take that final step, we are here to help you any way we can.

 

[The_Hunter]

what if it's not the only purpose of human beings to have worth and use? what if we don't need meaning and "talent" to enjoy our lives, but enjoy doing fuck-all just for the hell of it, like rowdy kids on the playground fucking around, for no reason; just walking a thought--what if we let go of all reasons and just did what we liked, huh--just an idea, not meaning to point on in anything

~

[When Vonnegut tells his wife he's going out to buy an envelope] Oh, she says, well, you're not a poor man. You know, why don't you go online and buy a hundred envelopes and put them in the closet? And so I pretend not to hear her. And go out to get an envelope because I'm going to have a hell of a good time in the process of buying one envelope. I meet a lot of people. And, see some great looking babes. And a fire engine goes by. And I give them the thumbs up. And, and ask a woman what kind of dog that is. And, and I don't know. The moral of the story is, is we're here on Earth to fart around. And, of course, the computers will do us out of that. And, what the computer people don't realize, or they don't care, is we're dancing animals. You know, we love to move around. And, we're not supposed to dance at all anymore.

—Kurt Vonnegut

 

[human909]

Suicidal tendencies are usually related to depression and every fate can be different - life is just sad


Take care
</3

yeah i agree with this person just life is a nightmare instead of sad.

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

I'm autistic and bipolar, and I've been struggling to do anything meaningful with my life since my mental health deteriorated so much that I can't work anymore. I used to be a software engineer, and my skills were in high demand and I always felt appreciated. That's the kind of thing that made life worth living for 20 years.

Now my only real option to survive is to go on disability. If I was neurotypical I might find a way to keep on living some sort of meaningful life, but I just feel stuck because I lack a ton of skills regular people take for granted. Just sitting there collecting a monthly disability check for the rest of my life is so depressing I'd rather die.

I wish I had something more encouraging or valuable to say. I would hope you could find a purpose in life, but I'm sure you've searched hard already. Autistic people have an extra difficult time in life, and we're up to 7 times more likely to commit suicide. I would continue living if I could, but I'm finding it really difficult to find a way.

 

[loneloser]

Since I got out of the hospital 10 months ago, I've been thinking about suicide. When I first got out I discovered the exit bag, and I thought "that's my dream way to die." I didn't think I could make it happen but behold, now, 10 months later, I've constructed the entire thing. I should be happy, right? Yet, I'm not, and I'm scrambling for a way not to be suicidal. The whole reason why I'm suicidal is because of the fact that I don't have any abilities/talents to get me through life. I have nothing going for me, nothing to occupy myself with. I feel useless and worthless. My friend has the living contrast version of my life, he has artistic talent and ability he uses. I'm Autistic so it always has been important for me to find something to specialize in and immerse myself in that while I stay in my room, but life has not given me much.

Now, I'm feeling down, just trying hard to accept my fate which is I'm better off dead. I don't actually want to recover, I've given up on that.
It's just that when you know the end is near, it's so hard to ease into it. I guess this is it, my time is coming soon.

I'd say don't compare yourself with your friends but it's not as easy as that. I do that myself as well (more like I look at former friends Instagram pages) but I think it's important for you to find something you enjoy (even in the slightest) and make that your ability and duty in life. Try and find a purpose, however hard it may be.

I too wish I could say something more but I just can't.
Peace.