Discussion Haven't been the same since last attempt

[iloveeetreeeess1]

A few months ago in March I overdosed alone in my room off hydrocodone, and other random medication I could get my hands on. I spent the entire day throwing up and fading in and out of consciousness. Ever since that day I haven't been the same. My brain is not the same anymore and the thought of CTB having grown immensely stronger, and they are the first thought in my head every single morning since that day. Was wondering if anyone else has experienced something like this?

 

[DeathSleep]

I don't know if my thoughts are stronger. I guess they are. My desire to die has grown stronger. I do think about it every day. I'm desperate to find something that works for me.
I knew a guy once that attempted and was saved and he was so happy and thankful that he survived. I don't understand that. I still plan to kill myself. I wasn't happy that I survived.

 

[iloveeetreeeess1]

I don't know if my thoughts are stronger. I guess they are. My desire to die has grown stronger. I do think about it every day. I'm desperate to find something that works for me.
I knew a guy once that attempted and was saved and he was so happy and thankful that he survived. I don't understand that. I still plan to kill myself. I wasn't happy that I survived.

I've never understood it either, I've had friends who survived who went on to lead amazing lives, while after each attempt of mine it also grew stronger. I've come to accept maybe this is my fate and what I was always destined for, I hope one day you can find peace within yourself far away from those dark thoughts <3